Josh - Hello Poetry

Josh Dec 2011

My hatred is a cloud,

Dark, filled with anticipation.

Laying on the grass the clouds

become bunnies and bows.

Some stretch like cotton candy

and some like taffy

A thunder in the distance

I hear.

An illumination of lighting

I see.

A scream of serpent fires

I speak.

Words become muffled

behind my tears.

Slowly tearing apart

all that I am.

No longer will I take

what my father has done.

The hatred moves across the sky.

Disappearing in a wisp of smoke.

Blending to the color of the heavens.

Into the clouds it drifts

becoming one.

Moisture I feel

as i wipe my face

free of burden.

The clouds

released my hatred

through their tears.

The cloud knows as it

empowers my strength

to make me invincible that

I walk and push away

my father

to stop

him from harming

my sister and mother.

The clouds bunch together

in a dark charcoal storm

fueling my rage

making me a red cloud.

Alone.

My teeth become unknown

as they gnaw and tear

at flesh. My hatred

is a cloud.

It is scaly.

Black eyes it has

with claws that reach.

I am me no longer.

A wondering thought

of morality glides

and makes the red cloud

disappear. White

puffy bunny tails

and cotton candy

is what i see as lay

here in the grass thinking

about the day my mother,

sister and I drifted away

from my father.

Josh Dec 2011

Living Jungle

Rocking back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth

In the endless spiral

Of the jungle.

I know I’ve disappointed;

My sweetest love.

I know I am wrong:

About kicking you.

I know I am right

About asking for

Your forgiveness.

With my touch

You used to feel

Static.

With my touch

You now flinch

Away.

With my laugh

You used to smile

Brightly.

With my laugh

You now frown

Painfully.

Hatred and disgust.

Look at what I’ve become:

A scaly black eyed

No good rotten

Monster; I really

Didn’t mean it.

I promised I’d leave

Into the depths

Of the jungle.

Where there are

Scarier things than me.

The growls and snarls

Put me right where

I belong; without you.

I promised I wouldn’t

Leave again; Yet

Here I stand,

Alone.

Surrounded,

By the same monsters

You fear came out

Of me.

Inside of my soul

I search.

The jungle inside

Is as vast as the one

I wander in right now.

Inside a storm brews; but

Before I crash,

Silence.

Before I burn.

More silence.

Before I suffer.

Silence yet again.

Lose. Lost. Suffer.

Lose what?

Your trust.

Lost where?

Inside.

Suffer from?

Your distance.

O how I’ll lose you

Slowly and subtly.

O how I’ll seem lost

in the jungle of the mind!

O how I’ll suffer

from a fate without you!

Ever so afraid

I flinch.

A beast

That was hidden

Behind that massive rock

Came forth: sliced at my skin,

Tearing flesh and bone.

I need you.

I want you.

I kicked you.

I love you.

I can hear it now

Within the oaks,

Mahoganies, and figs

Inside: you tell me

“No, I hit you first.

It’s not your fault.”

Moments pass by

And I say

“Look at me”

You turn away…

“Please, look at me”

and you slowly turn.

Staring at your eyes

I think about

The sun that

rises with your smile;

the stars that

sparkle brilliantly;

my heart that

beats like hummingbird’s wings;

Slowly I speak cautiously

As you begin to turn away.

“Don’t turn away.

It’s my own fault

and mine alone.”

And I hear no more

From the trees

I look up only

to see you standing

there looking at me.

With tearful eyes

And a love that

consumes the jungle.

I see you there

Bearing the weight

Of the tall, soaring

Oaks, mahoganies, figs.

The burden of our love

Is on your shoulders.

No longer afraid.

Of being so alone.

Of being yelled at.

Of being you.

I walk towards you

And help you with

The burden for

the rest of your life.

Josh Dec 2011

Go(o)d Friday

I hear tale

of a man

courageous

loving and simple.

He died one day.

For what you ask?

well I'm going to

tell you about this

man before the talel.

He was born in

a manger. Since

birth he was to

be named king.

Not king of the

land and not the

richest in material

things but king

of the kingdom

of heaven.

Jesus Christ

was his name

and today we nailed

him to a cross.

He bled for me

and you. Every drop

for every sin and

every wrong thing

you have done.

He was brutally

tortured, whipped,

smacked, chained,

carried a cross down

the road to Calgary.

Filled nothing but

passion of

forgiveness is

what willed a

mortal man to

open the gates

to heaven.

He was even

tempted for

40 days

and 40 nights.

by the serpent

liar. There he

proved he was

the son of God.

It is even

with his last

words that he

forgave us for

killing him.

Today take a

second and reflect

and know that

a man named

Jesus Christ

died for you.

Josh Dec 2011

Complete Again

It lures me

with its melody.

A craving i feel

to push its valves.

Slowly, sweetly

with a soft caress.

I want it to touch

my lips. Let the

warm moisture

help me soar

into another war.

Let my emotions

get the best of me.

As I stand in tears

not my own.

I want it to vibrate

and send a chill through

people's minds as they

hear me play.

People will bow before

a trumpet master. Alas!

Behold a true complete

being. One who knows

all and has many a

variations in his repertoire.

Josh Dec 2011

Thoughts?

These thoughts and fears

won't come out.

these thoughts and fears

struggle and wage war on each other.

I watch and wonder

as the charcoal sky prepares

for the approaching battle

against the sun,

its mortal enemy.

Pulling me back and forth

sunshine and smiles

versus the rain that hides

my tears. In sweet sorrow

i obtain a new emotion.

"What is it?" one may ask,

but not even i know

the answer. Behind

a mask I hide, a privilege

only everyone shares.

"Why is it then," i begin to

wonder, "that everyone can

see right through these eyes?"

These eyes that pierce through

everyone's mask have now betrayed

in the battle like a knife that traveled

through my spine and heart.

The storm clouds are winning

more battles. I can only hope now

that the sun is fighting above where

the clouds can reach. Slowly peeking

through the clouds creating a spotlight

on the sun's chosen warriors on earth.

A tree here, a blade of grass there, even

man's own asphalt becomes a tool.

Breaking through brighter than ever

I see the sun shining

and hold on to it I will forevermore.

Josh Dec 2011

Ocean Question

I stand still to think one day

"Am I dreaming?"

This question irks

my illuminant soul.

Quickly, I pinch myself

I feel no pain,

no sorrow, no joy.

An emptiness consumes me.

In the depths of mind

I wander around

slowing creating a

world which does not exist.

A world full of chaos

and peace. In a flow

the ocean crashes

against the giant skies.

My world is unstable

unending unbearable

to those who enter the

caves of my mind.

Wandering wishless

in a world of my creation

I put this question forth to you

"Are you sure you're awake?"

Josh Dec 2011

Dreaming Moon

One day I fell to sleep in the arms of the one that loves me so

I stared wide-eyeed into the window of my dreams only to see a memory

I felt the fire burning inside my chest, a fire I have not felt in a thousand years

I know that this time I will not make fall into that trap of what once was

as I slowly hope that I'm foolish and do

Shivers shoot slowly across my spine and overwhelm me

a chill like one I've craved the most

I feel every single prickle as it warms my mind and my heart that whispers

a million memories of who I once was and what I have lost.

These memories reminding me of a melancholy times.

My dream shifts and suddenly I'm living in a world I thought I could not find again

I stare more into window of my dreams knowing I will crave that heat and warmth

of a fast beating heart and jumping stomach.

I cry and scream for a time with some peace even if only one flap of a butterfly's wings.

I cry harder even though I know to be only just a dream

but at least in this dream I live an unfulfilled love one that I wish I still had.

I peel the layers and jump right back

I feel so unmoving as reality begins to cease

In this dream my heart aches for a love that won't go away.

A love so strong that it will influence every motion that comes next

a love who would fill me with a heart of her own.

I suddenly turn to hear my name and as I see clearly

She buckles at the mere sight of me.

There she stands with wishful eyes that become a run so fierce

that only angels could guiding her towards me.

Startled at her flight my heart becomes an awkward paced drum beat

My hands tingle in anticipation; My arms become strong enough to catch her if she falls

Right in front of me she makes a grasp at the tips of my finger and misses.

Who knows what she sees but all hope is lost in her eyes. Tears roll down as I lose

all strength and fall slowly in a never-ending hole.

The window of my dreams has shut and I know I'll never see it again.

That once clear picture has become a blur and the walls of my dreams

whisper and snicker as though it were comedic that I should never

see the ending to this dream. Never see what I expect. Never know what she thinks.

Never know what could have been.

Startled awake in a cold sweat I dare not speak of this

for I know the ending to this choice to this voice of reason in my head.

It is not one I would wish on even my enemies. I close myself in the boundaries

of my mind. “Another dream as I crave the lone moon that comes closer and is yet

so far away...one day I will bring her to a world she's never known so that

she can finally heal and become all that she's meant to be”