They define me with one word, so simple
Because of ignorance or laziness.
Or do they define themselves in so doing.
If I be only "gay" are they entirely "***"
Only ***?
Do they see no other attributes?
They claim to worship the creator in one breathe,
But deny the wisdom produced by the brain created in every other.
They insult the very concept in the process.
Would our creator be so simple
Or would He prefer to observe the larger picture?
Would He judge based on who I am or what I do?
Whispers reflect those things frowned on, different.
Pretending it does not exist only eliminates it in the mind, but not in reality.
Deny for confusion, disgust, uncertainty, fear
Or should they fear their own actions?
The reality denied in a world created.
Because if it is real, then God most certainly created it.

There was a young man discovering,
Searching to find what to be.
Told he couldn’t be.
So he closed his eyes and looked down.  
He looked down so they couldn’t see.
Feeling eyes searching around,
“Look down, look down,” I’m not me.
And he grew into the man.
They loved the man he was told to be.
Praises abound, fell to the ground
Before the man they couldn’t see.
He could never be proud
And said, “this isn’t me.”
They lifted up the man they wanted him to be.
A day came around, walking, facing down.
And a man asked, “how do you see?”
Looking up and around
He saw the eyes searching, piercing
Piercing him, but they couldn’t see.
So he asked a man,
“Why are your eyes piercing me?”
And when asked was told,
“We’re trying to be what we’re told not to be.”
And he laughed when he found,
That hiding with his face to the ground
He couldn’t see all around
The others like him that shouldn’t be.
But to finally see, he looked around.
Looking around, he found
Others falling to the ground.
They couldn’t be what shouldn’t be.
The oldest around, experience abound.
Do they not say, “Get up off the ground,”
“Stay here with me, just be.”
Intelligence bound, reality not found.
All creation in the clouds.
Failure resounds in the land of make believe.

She buries them in darkness,
In the lies that she keeps.
Whispering in their ears,
"You do not see what you see,
Don't speak, don't speak!"
Silence abundant amongst the weak.
Atrocities repeated
Into their beds it does creep.
Pure innocence, not safe
Until she falls asleep.
Through her windows
I cant help but see.
I speak, I speak.
Words fall on deaf ears.
For they are not meak and they believe.
But if they knew what I knew,
My words would be pointless, they'd leave.
And at that moment they'd know
Just how sweet fresh air can be.

There was once a relationship
A first of such for me.
Both of us blindly searching,
Navigating the unchartered,
But ***, deception, drugs, and fear
Destroyed what might have been.
Both parties guilty to some extent.
Each trampling the other.
Spiraling downward.
To stop and step away, observe,
One could only see disaster
And hope that friendship, at least,
Could be preserved.
But reality, truth always surfaces.
And the person so many people love
Never shows himself to me.
The good friend.
Only his shadow.
When lusting for ***,
Only then is an approach attempted.
And despite repeated refusals to entertain,
The light, wonderful side is never presented.
A regular reminder of the object I was to you.
Long separated, you request a final experience.
Without reserve, a casual request
In your mind.
As though I should be obligated.
Desperate for closure, seeking one night of ***.
A meaningless experience providing no solution.
What a fool I'd be to add one more night
To two years already wasted.
Naive to believe friendship
Could ever be achieved,
When history has proven that our presence
In each others lives only produced destruction.
Any pleasant memories fading,
And regular ****** advances
Push them further away.
Replaced by a desire to remove you
From my life permanently.
For the privilege of your friendship
Isn't worth the consequences.
You show yourself
When you ask me to sacrifice
My happiness and closure for your own.
Yet in truth, we both know you'd find
Some other way to play the victim.
At least until you discover closure
Is within you alone, and not me.

Where have I failed?
To where do I go?
Spinning, reflecting, restructuring self
Waiting, holding to hope.
My breath belonging
Longing for you.  
My cells aching, craving to flee.
This land suffocates me.
Rest found only in you.
Tired of the ignorance,
I bury myself away.
Longing for that glorious day.
Yet still I wait.
Did I run you away?
Please come back for me.  
I don’t belong here.
Knowing what I know, I can’t relate.
Reality isn’t real,
Civilizations aren’t civilized.
If only you might take me away,
I’d love to help paint a prettier picture.

Intelligence, innovation smothered by their fears.
Finally condemning the molesting of children
After thousands of years.
Why is no one saying "to take that long is not okay"?
Confirming what the grounded already know is wrong.
Common sense they shouldn't have to say.
But if rubbing your junk on children 
Was accepted at the start, how can they stop it today?
His favored church abandoning it's earliest practices?
My eyes swell with tears, what would Jesus say?
Child *** muggers must keep going to heaven
What was accepted then, must still be okay.
You can't change God's ways.
But I myself have no desire to share heaven with that.
Hell no. Hell I'm on my way.
May the fires of damnation burn away their filth
Because I'd rather be gay.

When blood can't relate.
One's own existence questioned
By those supposedly knowing them most.
To search and find a place of belonging.
For although the community they find
Is not perfection, no community is.
What they discover is a family,
Surviving on laughter,
Confronted by detractors every day,
But alway rising.
And when *** is placed where it belongs
In their minds, but just a single characteristic,
Their full potential is realized.

I wish you'd fly away.
So content on where you think you're going.
So why do you need to stay?
So perfect, no need for growing.
Repeating the same mistakes, 
Let's sit around and waste.
I love the dirt beneath my feet,
To watch the falling leaves,
Listening to a heart beat.
But you're always in a hurry.
No cares for all created
Nor for the Creator.
Locations, possessions priorities.
But I pray you get your way.
That you get to fly away.
Condemning me.
Should I deny my own existence
Would be to deny my Creator.
How can one love the Creator entirely
But not love all created?
And through my love for you
I hope you get your way and fly away.
How can one encourage ignorance,
Smother innovation, education, progress?
Was the brain not created,
And a lack of use not an insult to God?
In a world encouraged to kneel to men before God
Is God not secondary?
But I hope you get your way.
Sins hidden. 
******, adultery, deception.
Do we box God up 
In people, crosses, and buildings?
Is the One that created everything not everywhere
Or is He only in the clouds?
Shall you get your way.
The bickering, controlling, smothering gone, 
But hopefully the meek will stay.
How I long for just one calm and peaceful day.
I pray you get your way.
God let them fly away.
So tired of hearing what they say.
The message behind their words.
Life has no value.
But then again, why would a world 
Ruled by men that think they're God 
Want to meet their Creator?
What would people say
If God appeared with His laws,
Reminding men that measure sin 
Where they should begin?
Would it be a glorious day
If men could no longer cheat on their wives all week
And then pretend to be forgiven on Sunday?
And how much faith exists
Within a soul that rages when tested?
Would faith in God not include
Faith that He created and controls everything?
All I can do is await the fate 
Of those that control what others do, think, and say.
Is to control not to take captive?
But I've reached the point where I want what they want
And I hope and pray they get their way.
It must be tiring to clothe men in dresses
And then convince the world they're not gay.
I grow weary of all the lies and deception.
The disgusting things your people do.
The ignorant things your people say.
All I can do is shake my head, laugh, and pray.
I pray you get your wings and fly away.

Tired of the lies and deception, stupidity. 
The ignorance you love is too much for me.
My mind provides no choice but to see
That my existence is too much for you.
And I've grown too much to accept all you say and do.
You bring nothing but pain with the words you say.
So I casually walk away.
My existence and your faith always conflicting,
Your need to control restricting
My basic need to breathe.
In a world full of choices
I have no choice but to leave.
I'll find my way if it's the last thing I do.
And if I find the urge to watch primates rub their junk on young ones 
I'll either attend church or visit a zoo.
But I know I'm closer to finding God now 
Than I was when searching through you.
And if my leaving hurts your faith perhaps it's best to say
I'm just simply taking my own air away.

Lost then found
When I turned around.
I fell, I fall to escape the wall.
Stepping away from miseries crawl.
Control of me returned to me
Taking the shapes I choose to receive
To believe what I want to believe.
I don’t and won’t argue with you
I discovered how good it feels to breathe.
That’s the reason I leave.
Are you more than you’re meant to be?
I observe the awful things you do
And laugh as you hover over me.
Men that can’t stand on their own feet.
Waiting for the day you see.
When all that’s hollow shatters
To protect what truly matters.

I'm not ***, but perhaps how you see me
Is how you see you.
Your judgment illustrating
Where your mind likes to travel.
I find laughter from your words,
No matter how harsh.
Everything *** encompassing you.
Your world revolving around One thing you do.
Introductions unnecessary
Because all I hear
Is that everyone's ***.
Why have a name or any purpose in life.
You're entire identity is raunchy.
The door to your bedroom worthless.
Privacy just a word.
We're all born.
We all die.
And we're all ***.
But if every thought
And all creation is ***,
What is our Creator?

Surrounded by so many.
They go everywhere but here.
Floating, falling, flying, crawling.
You see them all around
When you block out the sound
And either rise or fall
Til your feet can feel the ground.
Those that soar have no desire for reflection.
Deny their flaws, will they find perfection?
When do they search within,
If they measure another man’s sin?
Does happiness comes from harm or control?
I wish it could speak,
Illuminating the misconception and wrong.
If a man can’t stand on his own is he weak?
What is faith when foundations aren’t strong?
What should I perceive?
How strong is their faith
If they rage when I don’t believe?
Their actions don’t serve a God in control.
If so they’d find comfort and know.
So little time for worship when they patrol.
Do they rank sin?
Where do they start?
His first law is there is no God but Him.
For a planet worshipping men,
Where should the ranking begin?
Would anyone harm a child
If they believed in a God that could see?
Perhaps they wouldn’t be doing it
If they’d accept what they’re supposed to be.
Why should I let men that deny what they are
Tell me what I should see.
Unable to reflect, accept the human in them
Disrespect what’s human in me.
Expectation on where they might go
But will they go if they won’t grow?

Words that seem the same,
Sharing origins only.
Civilization not civilized
Alone not lonely
Alive not living.
They live to represent something in heaven.
Something they weren’t created to achieve.
To discover, false expectations uncovered.
Pointless to understand or know them.
Freedom in accepting who I should be.
Should men that can’t control themselves
Control me?
If only common sense could speak.
Opposed to what’s human, they’ve cursed.
All while in the shadows creating, downplaying
The crime, if measured, that’s worst.
I hear them speak and I just walk away.
For when I must be judged at least I may say
In no way did I try to relate.
I find comfort alone and accept my fate,
All while keeping my faith,
Knowing that on my own,
Finding my own way,
If I have nothing else
At least I can honestly say,
I didn’t associate with child molestors.

The early years spent exploring, learning.
Impatiently waiting for the days, years to pass.
Eager for privileges, adulthood.
Reputation, being liked,
Following the norm meant everything.
Youth wasted, innocence slipped away.
The middle years spent striving,
Wanting more.
Little time to enjoy what's possessed.
Moments of bliss compressed
Between "where I've been"
And "where I'm going."
If only to stop and ask "where am I?" And breathe.
Tears flowed though I smiled.
No regrets about who I was, forgiven one's self.
No worries about where I'm going.
Gently landing.
Learning to appreciate the moment.
Learning to love and respect myself.
And in knowing myself, found happiness.
So that in latter years
I might reflect on a life appreciated.
Grateful for the best gift one could receive.
And realize the pleasure in giving
Having found my other half.
Knowing I gave my life, body, everything
To one other.

I painted a picture.
With only my heart I painted it.
Its beauty was in its simplicity.
And you dulled it with your golden frame.
In an attempt to make it pretty for you,
You made it ugly to me.
You removed every pure intention.
An expression from me to you
Became a trophy for you.
Every message intended, lost.
Reality distorted.
Creativity smothered.
It shines in your room,
But creates no spark.

A struggle to sustain a persona that can't last.
Hovering over so many.
Intent on presenting self as superior.
A mortal's failure as time overcomes,
Fading beauty, luxurious things.
And attempts to recover and replace only illuminate
The desperate soul within.
Scratching and clawing to hold on
To those things with no substance.
A great fall when reality surfaces.
Comfort should be coveted
By the one suffering by their own ignorance.
Arrogance led them down this treacherous path,
Letting slip everything of real value.
And their only hope is to forgive self,
Perceive and accept they are capable of error,
And blossom into the person they wish to be.

Does he look forever
Everywhere, high and low?
But here and there, ever never
Never ever will he find
In the search for more and better,
He'll never find the world he left behind.
He fears to fall asleep
Because he'll have to wake.
And when he wakes he might find
He left all he loved and needed,
What truly matters, in the reality he left behind.
So focused on where he wants to go.
No time to take in what he has.
Living in the clouds of fantasy
Will he find the time to enjoy the moments before they pass?
In a world of men marching in their own directions
Too busy, no time for reflections.
Men that build their walls and never speak.
Do those walls hide the secrets we keep?
Afraid to show sympathy, to appear weak.
Do they know loss or do they never weep?
In the confines of the darkest corners of our souls,
Hidden from reality any glimpse of innocence.
Harboring takes it's toll
And any recognition results in violence.
Amidst their secrets and lies,
Their walls block any chance of compromise.
And in the infinite search for more of what doesn't matter,
Hoarding the material and superficial,
Time and truth does shatter
The image that isn't real.
Only then do we see we sacrificed all we needed for all we wanted
And discovered we're not perfect when we're forced to feel.
Hidden, buried inside me,
The anger grew.
And although they said they loved me,
How could they love what they never knew?
It was easier to walk away.
For they couldn't accept what they didn't see.
And I couldn't find the words to say
That they only knew pieces, but not all of me.
In the day of my final judgment
I will be faced with who I am
And answer for every sin.
And hopefully He'll show mercy
Because I didn't bend my knee to any man.
But I know now the only thing to say
When I approach my Father that day.
"I'm sorry for all I trampled 
While trying to get where I was going,
Scattered, shattered, thirsted for knowing.
Searching, grasping, crawling and finally glad."
Yet I know the only words I'll be able to say,
"Is that I'm grateful for the time I had."

Blood letting sensed.
The easy pursuit.
Belittling, lifting so many upwards.
Existence dependent upon another's fall.
Swarming, finding strength in numbers.  
A lack of self-esteem hidden.  
Can they stand alone?
A life of judgment, having been judged
Becoming what they feared, hated.
Easier to yell than explore
The purpose behind the words.
Turning on each other if potential is seen.
Jealousy, vindictiveness, atrocities committed
When the fragility of humanity is ignored.
Life so precious minimized.
To overlook what makes one human,
Denying their own innocence.
Other lives so meaningless,
Reflecting their perception
Of their own.
Know yourself.
Shouting,
Communication broken in anger,
Forsaking the opportunity to help,
Yelling feeds screaming.
When calming words might talk one down.
I can't go
Won't follow you there.  
Tired, exhausted, head spinning because of the arguing.
Nauseating.
I don't care, don't hear the negativity.  
My existence isn't dependent on yours,
But I want you here.
Here. Hear.
Just stay.  Please stay.

Unspeakable, the acts performed.
Purity devoured in the darkest confines.
Honesty unspoken, a product.
Denying what one experienced,
Either physically or internally,
Feeding deception,
A life with little reality.
Nothing to hold that's real.
Possessions, material a refuge,
But consistently fading.
Replacing what is incapable of enduring.
Realizing the only thing I can feel is real
Is myself, also fading, aging.
Should I stress over what I was
Or what I'm becoming?
How I looked or will look?
Never appreciating what I have currently.
Of all the things I can't control,
When everything else is lost,
Shall I find and keep myself,
Til I be valued by another

A wall unseen.  
Created by perception
What we are told to believe.
No crossing, no climbing.
People on both sides reinforcing its existence.
Without concern for those crossing back and forth.
A wall created to keep in
Keep out.
Perceptions on both sides different
But the same.
For happiness cannot exist on the other side.
Or if so, it is not visible.
Condemned, those people crossing
In their search to find their own way.
Leaving loved ones behind.
A door closed
In one's search for self.
Many falling away.
Perceptions killing selves
Because so many need reassurance.
Until life is valued
And it is enough just to be.

You found yourself against the current.
The barriers of condemnation broken.
What seemed insurmountable, with age,
Became simply passable.
The journey to find one's self
Should be the shortest
In route to discovering what they can do.
Others similar that exist,
Always having known them self,
Despite infinite requests to conform.
Born with the determination, strength
To endure perhaps.
Unlike them I shaped myself into a lie.
For if I exist, then I was created,
And who was I to think I or society
Should bury or distort what was created?
Shaped into something I wasn't, unreal.
Time was wasted to fit into a system
A system that doesn't work.
A system where life has little meaning.
Fixated on the after life, death, and material,
Creation is under appreciated.
My greatest peace is found
When time is disregarded
And my focus directed
On the things that can't be taken away.

Billions of trees in the breeze.
Certain of where the leaves are going.
Too proud to reconsider, to observe.
They truly believe and know
What they cannot see.
And so they boast of a process they feed
And flaws within
Are directed at others that won't
Contribute to misinformation.
The ones seeking truths get trampled
By those drunk on lies.
Because reality is too far away
They don't want to know.
Until reality hits them
And they claim innocence through ignorance.
But ignorance they loved, craved, desired.
The easiest path failed them.
Five leaves might not float away at all.
But stubborn, determined.
The trees can't perceive the leaves
Didn't reach a beautiful, faraway destination.
A place they can't see nor reach.
Within them the process is perfection.
No need to improve nor reexamine.
They will never know nor accept better.
For what is already perceived as perfect
Will never truly achieve perfection.
Weighed down by blind resistance
Progress is smothered, delayed.
And accepting the flaws within must be realized
Before the system might be improved.
Or perhaps all that is needed
Is the belief that a better, undiscovered process
Might exist.
Perhaps after landing on earth a better reality might be perceived, received?

Distorted, contorted to persuade
Look this way, no that,
But not here nor there.
Controlled, captivated.
The captives see, repeat what they’re told.
Don’t think, just speak
Don’t breathe nor be.
Be me. Be me.
Not you.
See what I see.
I cant be me unless you’re me.
How could I stand on my own feet?
Control til the children don’t breathe.
To be more than men.
Desiring to be Gods,
They sneak in when the children sleep.
And in the words they speak
They speak falsely.
Because in the words they speak,
They say “there’s only one way to God
And the only way is through me.”
Fear stricken into the hearts of many
By those men,
Men molded to be more than intended.
Are they themselves not graven images?
Where do they stand with their laws,
Beliefs their practices?
His highest law is
“There is only me.”
They only seek to serve themselves.
They live by the sword
And they lead into captivity.
Have their souls been sold?
It’s hard not to laugh
When you see they’re controlled.
Men pretending to be more than.  Hovering.
Is it too much to ask.
I wish more people would come down,
Plant their feet in the ground,
And laugh at the clouds with me.

Crouched against the dirt,
Surrounded by tall grass,
Searching, hunting for you.
But you found me,
The me I could never be.
The me I buried deep.
I longed for your touch.
Dreamt of you.
Pictured you as my ideal mate.
How rapid the beating heart, when you returned my gaze.
That day I went on the hunt and found your warm embrace.
Shut off to the world in the closet I created.
You made me question.
Pulling me closer with every touch, lifting me with every word.
To see myself through your eyes.
What did you see?
Your words cut me open.
I pushed, afraid to fly.
Fighting for balance.
The room spinning.
You gave your all with little returned.
Because I was not ready to accept that side of me.
Regret for the words left unspoken.
Guilt for giving you just the surface.
Did I leave you broken?
You pried to know, experience more,
When I closed the door.
Years have past, and memories and reflection are all I have.
All the beautiful things to say.
A "thank you" insufficient.
Heart left a flutter, you took my breath away.
The wall fell down.  
Forced to accept what was supposed to be,
What I am,
Because of one moment.
In my search for you,
I found me.