To the friend I lost but could have found
Had pride not held me back
And sunsets missed with summer scent
When thoughts were chained with work

To the pretty stare from a girl across
My eyes refused to see
And a chance at love with happy days
That fear made so absurd

To dreams that danced and filled my heart
But never came to be
Restrained and painted black
With suffocating doubt

To tears of pride that should have been
Had hope not slipped my hands
And taken all I had to give
Buried now beneath cold ground

To smell the air through autumns breeze
And feel the sand beneath my feet
Had I not expected all
And thrown it all away

Chances lost or fortunes made
Neither matters more
I'd give it all and all that's asked
If just for one more day

She's out there somewhere
walking
waiting
wondering
Looking for me
She knows I exist
but is waiting to see
Walking her path
and wondering like me
when we will meet
As patience wears thin
and she blinks her tears away.
I walk the same path
the very same day
walking
Waiting
Wondering
Out there somewhere
and blinking my tears away
looking for her
an ache in my heart
walking
waiting
hoping
Just worlds apart

Now is the time that my words stumble while my mind is elegant and eloquent and the beauty that I see and the cacophony that swims through my ears and tickles my soul while the scent of the divine gift grown and fired by god himself cannot be described fairly by my bumbling dialect, or what I’ve forgotten. And I just can't find the words.
It's there, it’s there in my head dancing and teasing and growing and weaving and begging to be known in more of its glory and sheer dazzle where it deserves to be awed but I just can’t find the words.

And I don't know what to say or how to describe the tears that reflect the beauty of what I see, the magic and majesty of creation from a blind man whose vision is fathoms and miles and years beyond mine but whose truth keeps him in the dark but I just can’t find the words

How do I tell you how a song a simple melody and medley of words and ideas and cadences that blend and swirl and surround and lift my heart to places through and past Heaven? Where my skin tingles and my spirit swells and I care for nothing but the song that has whisked me from that moment’s particular hell and I just can’t find the words.

How do I say that I am broken and weak and humbled complete and still my misery moves my feet
and how my shred of hope and speck of faith each lift a foot one in front of the other towards a Dream that fights me at every moment to be known and while my angel fades more day by day while I lose my way and I just can’t find the words.

Where are You?

What is it like to stare at the soul through the burning eyes of one you love

How does it feel to have reciprocated a need, a need that burns so deep inside

What sound makes the words that channel your thoughts in one direction only

And who chains the heart for the one and only, and only the one that brings you light

How does a smile lift your day like a summer sunrise can't

And how does a giggle that rankles another bring so much joy to your ears


What does it take for someone else to want to help and share my tears

Who is she that sees me broken and spent and scratching my way

But still dips a shoulder and gives me an ear willing to share my days

Why do I want this and need this and see this everywhere I look

But still only a single set of prints that line the path to my back

And everywhere, other people happy, no matter where I look...

In the end I begin to see it was always me
It was me, it was me  
& I can plainly see
It was always me
At the start I thought it was you I saw
Clearing a path for me to cross
I thought it was me clearing the day
Making more room for you to get in my way
I assumed it was you who opened the door
To take out the trash
While I brought in more
But it was me I knew from the very start
At the end of it all who abandoned your heart
In the end I begin to see it was always me
It was me, it was me
It was always me
Before it was said it was you I thought
That laid down the rules and said don’t break my heart
But now I see it was me
who laid them all down
And broke it a lot
At first it was you who showed me the truth
But somehow I knew.... I always knew
How you just make things work
The way you always do.
It was you, it was you
It was always you...

My Magic is gone and no spell was cast
No eyes to glaze no mind to crash
My words were right my emotions too
Her response was wrong, the curse was true
The Witch she wrote and wrote and re- wrote the words
The message is right but the actions are wrong
I think she spoke sweetly but lied all along
Her words they spoke and touched and lifted my heart
And cradled my soul then raked them apart
I still see the magic it whisks all around
Nipping and biting not making a sound
She sees it too, but now it is hers
And with blood painted lips she kisses the words
Her emotions are right, the message is too
But my response is all wrong and the curse remains true.
She’ll never be mine, And I never hers.

Dwindled are the chances with choices that are fettered with vain.
My life played back to burden my soul, chastise and lay me to blame
Recorded grief to remind me my mistakes and take measure in my pain
To look back at a cluttered past and dwell on what could have been
To crush what all is good and strangle hope before it reaches my heart
Before light and glory reaches my eyes and reminds me what could have been from the start.
New are the choices that are fettered with naught
Old are the binds that bound mine sense and stole me from my promised path
Prayers are the paths that guide me now so I don’t twice make the same mistakes.

Heaven is a walk through the gardens of hell
If you stop and smell the flowers… you burn your feet
Silence is the song of the tortured mind
Never was a sound that sounded so sweet
Love is a disease that infects the soul
& Pain reminds you it’s there
Hope is a dream that keeps you alive
It bridges the gap between love & Despair
Despair is a drug that keeps you from living
Living is an addiction to life
Life is a place between Heaven and Hell
A lesson learned only through strife

A winding Journey down soft white cheeks
Translucent salty fluid grief
Or are they shared along with smile
A mother’s love for newborn child
Do they bide with splintered dreams
Thoughts of past and better things
Do they come when loved ones go
With renewed hope do they flow
Crystal globes of hidden shame
Bursting torrents of pride unchained
Releasing binds of truth and pain
Cleansed eyes and soul for a brand new day