you are my casualty, your eradication
my sojourn in your country
has brought about my descent

falling from your smothering embrace
your pallet of a thousand stakes
my surface dies underneath your taste

this com-mixture was difficult to fathom
but I will believe in you now, now that its over
now that its ******

© 2011 joshua deathdealer

we arose high in delusion
a projection of tranquillity
for once in this disarranged existance
I thought that I could breath
but it was just a mass of lies
a masquerade of misfortune
an impression on impressible minds
for now we fall entwined
screaming towards certain desolation
like an earthquake during a firestorm
descending into spiritlessness
spiralling downward apart
as this ghastly specter shatters in my mind
forever spellbound

© 2011 joshua deathdealer

death to the day, I burn for the night
death to our dream, I give up the fight
I'll lay down to the sound of fate falling

this is what you wanted, you can't say its not
this is what you needed, or have you forgot

© 2011 joshua deathdealer

Awakening consciousness as the weight
                      of my despondency clears the air.
                       Demons retreat under a glowing light,
                     my weakness in this war troubles me.
                    Unable to pull myself to confidence
                           from despairs teary smear.


                  You must reach for me when they return.
                          Making known all signs of adversity.
              I will remove all infertility from my actions
                          and be prudent of derangement.
         We must communicate all issues with compliance.
                                                       My heart is yours.
               Zeal overwhelms my senses.
                                      My skin aches for your touch.
               Take my hand and know that my love is pure.
                My spirit is healed, my aspirations are lifted.
                  My longings met and my demeanor intact.
                   Dreams of forever walking by your side.
               The day is new and our Father is waiting
                 for us to take and it and make it ours.


                          © 2010 joshua deathdealer

I have entered a dark and desolate place
                                 where the hollows crawl
mouthing the names of lost loves
others instead, stupidity flowing
from their mouths like a flood
                                 trying to hide terror in silk sheets
its not hard to see convulsion in their happy smiles
or blindness in their eager eyes
their blunders in life has taught them well
that you live, taste heaven once, **** it up
                                  then wait to die and go to hell

It is in moments like these that I wonder
                                   if I am cursed to forever wander
the desolate land of no i love you's
from you, where the shadows burn
I feel your heart calling mine
                                    I miss our world of make believe
My dreams are filled with your beauty
and in my nightmares I chase away
the spiders that seethe against us
God knows the frightful silence from you,
                                                           it haunts me


© 2010 joshua deathdealer

haste the day my breath
will wash away under
the waters of my intentions
already dead is my soul
salvation is for the lighthearted
for those that have not
experienced everything at all
theres no hope for the reprobate

tis fools folly to think that
love is enough to hold heaven
at some vast in time
your only comfort is in the
prayers for my speedy demise
for body to catch up with spirit
for these decaying eyes to
close and open no more

with disaster looming in
todays headlines my only
wish is that you were with me
to hold me as I pass from
one hell to the next
that your face would be branded
in my mental memory of this
fateful extrication


© 2009 joshua deathdealer

I am fighting
fighting in the dark for you
forward to this great surprise
I will not lose, you cannot die
treasons all around me
I stand firm armored
against their blades that cut
and tear me to shreds
anchored as one we will prevail

is this where the cards fall
short of a daydream
you said you'd be there in the end

I cant seem to find the last line
that draws in time, unfolding this horror
this love is growing always and thanks to me
this existence is over
gave all my energy to you
what a mistake to make
we could have let go but we held on
black paper hearts hang in the dark
honoring once upon a time
we were so blind

© 2009 joshua deathdealer

The shadows from the vultures that surround my palace of decay
darken the sky in patterns of flight.

So eager to taste the cold blood leaking from this habitat
of flesh that embodies my undying soul.

The world flies by leaving me in this room of thoughtful bliss.

My hands bleed from tearing at the walls of insanity
that are erected from drowning in my good intentions.

A tribute to many objurgations concerning
my empty promises and signals of false hope.
.
This grave I've been digging for years has no bars
nor any control on the outcome of my fate.

Only a pressing sense of depression
during these fleeting moments of solitude.

I will defeat hell once again. I will rise above.

It is written in the wax of a thousand candles.

They speak it into existence daily.

Relinquishing all animosity towards my foes.

I will turn to face them with a grin.

I will break this cycle of hurting the one's I love the most.

The demons that crawl after me will have to crawl faster.

Time is my worst enemy and I have very little to spare.

I am heading on a long ****** conquest.

and at end I will find you there.



© 2008 joshua deathdealer

i sit as they seethe

draining my energy

eating my insides

i keep trying, downcast without emotion

my ears bleed from the

propaganda they throw

moments ago i confided the pain

to you, i know its getting old

i keep trying, trying to sleep

without you in my arms

without hearing i love you

not even a tender tone

its like packing glass

into the cuts developed

from a lifetime of

missing you so much

i keep trying, relating

everything downplayed

hopeless, such a powerful word

what lies at the end of this

******, unforgiven trail

i keep trying, bending

to the point of breakage

running a race i thought

i had already won,beautiful

memories of you alone

hide me from the sun


© 2008 joshua deathdealer

window panes come
crashing down
among the tears
vanishing hopes are gone
they flew away
up above and through the twilight
shadows cast across the floor
reflections of the past
trembling thoughts of one
dwelling deep within the soul
a mystical sense of reality
captured by the craze
all in bewilderment
of the shock in the wave
creatures of the dimness
chattering amongst the green
everything slows in stillness  


© 2006 joshua deathdealer

embroidery is your means of communication
sophistry is your way at edification
your veracity is a misrepresentation
rejection to you is manifestation
veiling your faults in meaninglessness
your poetics show your indecision
your own impulses have created an addiction
evasion from the truth has become your nightmare
affection turns to desolation after boredom sets in
your disconnection with happiness has always been
you float in a cycle built from the misfortune of your past
yet you wear your beauty and pride like a mask
one day your castle of fabrication will come crumbling down
and this time I wont be there to catch you
before you hit the ground

goodbye


© 2006 joshua deathdealer

the boy awoke as the stars faded forever more
      nothing but spaces dark filled their void
      no one ran or played in the alleys and parks anymore
      his dreams died as if someone pulled the plug
      day and night now seemed to not hold a significant change
     he no longer yearned for happiness in his heart
      or shivered in cold and rain
      his skin no longer carried a sense of beauty or image
      just a living shell containing his repetitive impulses
      his body did not walk with pride or dignity but dragged along
      a carcass, a host for numb emotions and dark realities
     the world around him no longer shimmered in color and vibrancy
      but hung like a gray and dreary blanket over his sleepless eyes
      others bump into him; running in a hurry to live their lies
      paying no attention and not even realizing he was there
      not that it would have mattered for he was elsewhere
     no longer dazed and confused but shattered from reality
      torn from understanding
       weak from wisdom
          fatigue from fear
           he had awoke to an eternity without her  



© 2006 joshua deathdealer

I touch your face in my dreams
I feel your head laying on my shoulder
I smell your hair as I run my vile hands through
you kiss my decaying chest as I begin to wake up
your heart beats strongly against my still one

my cold skin soaks up your warmth
my teeth chatter as I try to speak
worms crawl from my eyelids
the perfect night turns into dreadful day
like a spring of pure water suddenly diluted with filth
innocence is quickly overran with guilt

angels fall to become demons
then fill you with poisons of a supernatural kind
putting temporary patches on the punctures


© 2005 joshua deathdealer

to watch you leave...
is to know such pain, its jagged edges ripping into my facade
as a stake from the garden tears in to warm, dark earth

to watch you leave...
knowing all the while that never again will I fit myself, warm with sleep
against your back, nor feel you breathing and the beating of your heart

to watch you leave...
aware in every moment of every day that my dreams, my future
once tied with silken ribbons to yours, will never come to be
and the mornings once so silent and hopeful, us gazing at the sky
and so gently awaiting forever are now but a small piece of my past

to watch you leave...
is to know that I've lost my place of existence, my station, my hearts home
that I will wander, forever a nomad, alone and afraid

to watch you leave...
your heart a tight fist of anger and your dry eyes betray nothing of you
I cry for the both of us, my love, because you will not

my troubled dreams watch you leave, over and over again


© 2005 joshua deathdealer