The shadows from the vultures that surround my palace of decay
darken the sky in patterns of flight.

So eager to taste the cold blood leaking from this habitat
of flesh that embodies my undying soul.

The world flies by leaving me in this room of thoughtful bliss.

My hands bleed from tearing at the walls of insanity
that are erected from drowning in my good intentions.

A tribute to many objurgations concerning
my empty promises and signals of false hope.
.
This grave I've been digging for years has no bars
nor any control on the outcome of my fate.

Only a pressing sense of depression
during these fleeting moments of solitude.

I will defeat hell once again. I will rise above.

It is written in the wax of a thousand candles.

They speak it into existence daily.

Relinquishing all animosity towards my foes.

I will turn to face them with a grin.

I will break this cycle of hurting the one's I love the most.

The demons that crawl after me will have to crawl faster.

Time is my worst enemy and I have very little to spare.

I am heading on a long ****** conquest.

and at end I will find you there.



© 2008 joshua deathdealer

i sit as they seethe

draining my energy

eating my insides

i keep trying, downcast without emotion

my ears bleed from the

propaganda they throw

moments ago i confided the pain

to you, i know its getting old

i keep trying, trying to sleep

without you in my arms

without hearing i love you

not even a tender tone

its like packing glass

into the cuts developed

from a lifetime of

missing you so much

i keep trying, relating

everything downplayed

hopeless, such a powerful word

what lies at the end of this

******, unforgiven trail

i keep trying, bending

to the point of breakage

running a race i thought

i had already won,beautiful

memories of you alone

hide me from the sun


© 2008 joshua deathdealer

window panes come
crashing down
among the tears
vanishing hopes are gone
they flew away
up above and through the twilight
shadows cast across the floor
reflections of the past
trembling thoughts of one
dwelling deep within the soul
a mystical sense of reality
captured by the craze
all in bewilderment
of the shock in the wave
creatures of the dimness
chattering amongst the green
everything slows in stillness  


© 2006 joshua deathdealer

embroidery is your means of communication
sophistry is your way at edification
your veracity is a misrepresentation
rejection to you is manifestation
veiling your faults in meaninglessness
your poetics show your indecision
your own impulses have created an addiction
evasion from the truth has become your nightmare
affection turns to desolation after boredom sets in
your disconnection with happiness has always been
you float in a cycle built from the misfortune of your past
yet you wear your beauty and pride like a mask
one day your castle of fabrication will come crumbling down
and this time I wont be there to catch you
before you hit the ground

goodbye


© 2006 joshua deathdealer

the boy awoke as the stars faded forever more
      nothing but spaces dark filled their void
      no one ran or played in the alleys and parks anymore
      his dreams died as if someone pulled the plug
      day and night now seemed to not hold a significant change
     he no longer yearned for happiness in his heart
      or shivered in cold and rain
      his skin no longer carried a sense of beauty or image
      just a living shell containing his repetitive impulses
      his body did not walk with pride or dignity but dragged along
      a carcass, a host for numb emotions and dark realities
     the world around him no longer shimmered in color and vibrancy
      but hung like a gray and dreary blanket over his sleepless eyes
      others bump into him; running in a hurry to live their lies
      paying no attention and not even realizing he was there
      not that it would have mattered for he was elsewhere
     no longer dazed and confused but shattered from reality
      torn from understanding
       weak from wisdom
          fatigue from fear
           he had awoke to an eternity without her  



© 2006 joshua deathdealer

I touch your face in my dreams
I feel your head laying on my shoulder
I smell your hair as I run my vile hands through
you kiss my decaying chest as I begin to wake up
your heart beats strongly against my still one

my cold skin soaks up your warmth
my teeth chatter as I try to speak
worms crawl from my eyelids
the perfect night turns into dreadful day
like a spring of pure water suddenly diluted with filth
innocence is quickly overran with guilt

angels fall to become demons
then fill you with poisons of a supernatural kind
putting temporary patches on the punctures


© 2005 joshua deathdealer

to watch you leave...
is to know such pain, its jagged edges ripping into my facade
as a stake from the garden tears in to warm, dark earth

to watch you leave...
knowing all the while that never again will I fit myself, warm with sleep
against your back, nor feel you breathing and the beating of your heart

to watch you leave...
aware in every moment of every day that my dreams, my future
once tied with silken ribbons to yours, will never come to be
and the mornings once so silent and hopeful, us gazing at the sky
and so gently awaiting forever are now but a small piece of my past

to watch you leave...
is to know that I've lost my place of existence, my station, my hearts home
that I will wander, forever a nomad, alone and afraid

to watch you leave...
your heart a tight fist of anger and your dry eyes betray nothing of you
I cry for the both of us, my love, because you will not

my troubled dreams watch you leave, over and over again


© 2005 joshua deathdealer