as I run my finger
down your
spine
its texture speaks to me
whispering
taking me by the ear
pulling me back
through time
nearly four years now
but, oh, how it seems
to have been so much
longer
so much has
taken root in
the spaces between
growing along with
the distance
but as you open up
I see the names of
all I once loved
and the stories
we shared
and I wonder
if it's ever
too late

a lit cigarette burns
balanced precariously on
the rim of a cup
ashes falling listlessly
into a tiny puddle
of long-cold coffee

a bottle, a tumbler
whiskey on the rocks
the back of my throat
burns
It's six A.M. and I've
finally numbed every last
square inch of my brain

the record has been skipping
for a few minutes, I think
but I'd rather listen to
that than hear the song end
so I wait for the needle to
wear its way through the vinyl

for years, you were my only
vice, the only thing I did
wrong
but now, I'm welcoming in these
demons, to let them **** me
before this lack of you does

Sometimes
I think I sense you
more than see you
My stomach clenches up
and I taste its acid
trying to escape up my
throat
And I know
I know you're there
watching me
for foreign reasons that
serve only to somehow
keep you in my life
just enough
to keep me from
forgetting you
and what you did
to scar me
this way
And though every fiber
of my being screams
to stare forward
to not give you the
satisfaction
I always end up frozen
eyes on you
as I turn into
a pillar of salt

the shadows of branches
sprawl across my
window
reminiscent of veins
and i wonder
if my heart
will continue to
beat
pump blood
to all parts of me
or if it
will give up
as i have
these many years
past

And suddenly, it is as if a light
is shone on me, illuminating all.

I reel, synapses firing much too
slowly. The world accelerates,

magnifies, and every detail is
significant. Each one of your

hairs shines, falling to rest as
a pool of molten gold on your shoulder.

Your lips part ever so slightly,
teeth playing coy, hiding behind

your translucent smile, and you
kiss me. I close my eyes and meet

you halfway. When we draw back,
the colours are once more muted,

and in your arms I weep.

there are times when it feels that depression thrusts itself upon me
forcing its way into my nose and mouth, down my throat
seeping into every pore of my skin and filling me
more completely than anything else could
until i fear i am more of it
than i am of me

my words stumble out of my mouth
like a drunk from a bar
without direction and ugly as sin
banging uncerimoniously against
my teeth on their way out
as if they had some hidden
sober thought begging
for me to stop them
because they can't stop
themselves
my skin feels like saran-wrap
stretched over the bony remains
of something forgotten
left to rot within
protective plastic
my heart is alone
it locked itself in a safe
so it could pretend
it was worth something
but even if the key
was not inside with it
nobody's looking
anyway