Breaking news!
this'll just break you in two!
4 people in america died today!
*
Massive Explosions!

Neighborhood Terrified!

Possible Terrorist Involvement!
*
Also! I bet you didn't know folks!
this'll rattle your *******!
600 people just died of heart attacks
Right that second!
Wow!
9000 children starved in Africa,
30 People were hung in cartel controlled mexico!
Women and Children
545 People were ***** in the last ten minutes
All happening today!
Tune in tomorrow for more
and more
and more!
Because remember Tragedy doesn't happen just today
But everyday!
Tomorrow there will be another bombing and another thousand murders
Yet somehow you'll only be here today.
because every life is equal right?
right?

sometimes when i blink my eyes
i imagine i'll be taken by surprise when they open
attached to a needle and woven through the earth
and in a moment i'd cross an ocean of a distance
to find myself balancing on one foot
soot dusted face
from moving through space and time so
spontaneously
balancing on the edge of a cliff
a balance beam
ready to dive in hold the scream down and breathe

deep breaths
sleeping
no not in bed
or in death
but sleeping while awake
dreaming while standing
closing my eyes and getting wisked away by reality
in only a way a dream has the right to move me so fluidly

curled and cuddled carefully in a cubbyhole

was a rolled reminder reveling in it's reality

why do reminders seem to pop up just as you regain your sanity?
when your profanity was steadily decreasing and you forgot what you've been missing?

nope! i choose to stay in the past, before this wretched ring reminded me of things
(it's gone now)
if i deny, and defy the event, the feeling won't last, it won't sting.

                                                                                Uh well i guess it didn't happen then
but it did
(UGH IT STINGS)
but it means nothing right? if i fight it, lose sight of it, i might just forget.
                                    
                                       -i- -CAN'T- -be- around- -anyone- -right- -now-
they'll peer in! they'll see my sin, my feeling!

                                                                          Feelings aren't cool!
******* excuse
check
deny the truth
check
focus on bogus pain, force yourself into the rain, make sure you don't try too hard
......

now i'm alone
why is there so much sound in here, i think i'm going to go deaf
                                                              i can only hear me, and i'm only thinking of one thing

break
come on break
let everything out, everything is at stake here, my brain is foggy
but tears are clear
aren't they?
they're so transparent, i stare and observe but the second i taste them
they're so salty, but who's fault is that?

THEIRS

HOW COULD THEY DO.........stop
                                                                                             what am i doing?

i'm wondering why no one loves me while ignoring a flooding sea of text messages and facebook updates, my hate covered my friends birthday, i put my family on wait, to sit and grovel a mistake i mistook.

umbrellas keep out the rain, but the pain remains the same, it just means you only let your tears stain
and that faint tap on the shoulder
now feels like bruises when you see
how many people you shooed away

storms are only faint reminders that someone is willing to cry with you. to scream with you
to strike down a fiery bolt of lightning with you.

                                                                          to remind you

When i put this future in the microwave:
Would you say it pops like popcorn?
Or like kneecaps?
Bottlecaps?

And if i wrapped it in tinfoil
Would it spark?
Or disappear?
Or pop at all?

And if i placed the plug between my lips
And closed my eyes,
Would the door open?
Would time really matter?
Would my mother judge my current life decisions?

And then if the morning after i woke
Electrified, paralyzed and confused
Would wool feel still so itchy?
Would i still be where i stood?
Or there at all?

Subtle waves make similar sounds to the desires
Drowning amid our fascination with the
"What If's" in life

The spastic sensations navigating our spines
Like fingertips navigating a writhing map
Curling as they make their way up and down

And so if we leave the "Ifs" for "thens"
Then they no longer sway but sit still
Our bodies lie dormant, separate and sensationless

Thus a hand in your hand says in silence
That "What If's" occupy no space
Between our clasped palms

Clouds disappear as soon as we find
No need for the moons slight shine
Exploring from behind closed eyes

No space between our lips to contest
The absence of space between our bodies
Nervously sailing above the waters wake

The air was cool no vessels to shield from the wind
For the boats had given us our privacy
To teach each other of music and dance

And music is the melody that drifts lightly
Upon your skin and your legs and your neck
Whispers softly in your ear so you fall victim to its passion
Suddenly pressing yourself against another
Heartbeats swiften and bodies move in unison
Caressing into shimmering heat that strips on every beat
Hands fall safely on chests
And suddenly the song descends into silence
The only sound is made by locked gazes
And breaths of amazement.

So why stray from possibilities
Why think of "What if's"
When one look and one touch
Led to music like this?

belonging to the land of diversity
this Hamline university
has made me realize
how i've diversified
my insides

that tell tale question

WHO AM I

doesn't apply to those who know who they see in the mirror
but from lies, beer or
other kinds of alcohol

we see double or triple or quadruple
and above all
we want to know

which one am i...

because it's pretty hard to tell the difference between
20 of the same faces
all taking up the same place it's

so ******* hard to see one common denominator
when you wish they were all you
and wish it was all true

belonging to the land of diversity
this Hamline university
has made me realize
how i've diversified
my insides

that tell tale question

WHO AM I

doesn't apply to those who know who they see in the mirror
but from lies, beer or
other kinds of alcohol

we see double or triple or quadruple
and above all
we want to know

which one am i...

because it's pretty hard to tell the difference between
20 of the same faces
all taking up the same place it's

so ******* hard to see one common denominator
when you wish they were all you
and wish it was all true

i found myself today walking in triplicate
two legs, three steps, then repeat
walking to the sounds of crickets chirping to remain on beat
the moonlight beckoning tribute
so i leaped upon the nearest street lamp
spun round with a joyous energy
with dismount, a bow of the head, and all crickets went mute
yet i still skipped in time with the thump of my heartbeat
the dance was not yet complete
for in following your heart
the faster it would go
the quicker the tempo
and soon you'd trip
fall and beg the moon for forgiveness
and only then would she let the sun  rise
to shed light on the beauty you had just created

So let's talk about nice guys

The "Kindness paves the path to your *******" Nice guy
The "Holds you tight to touch your ****" Nice guy
The "Can't wait to shed that friendship under the sheets" Nice Guy

And of course

The "Asks you how your day is" Nice guy
The "Walks you to your car just to say goodnight" Nice guy
The "Active listener, no ******* advice giver, forgoes eating dinner because you needed someone to just talk to" Nice guy

Please tell me you can tell the difference
I hate being mistaken for the twin I never asked for
He breaks your Windows and blames it on my good intentions
Somewhere along the line
He triple knotted my kindness to my *****
without my permission 
And now every kind word 
Is heard like a red flag
and thus making friends 
makes wary eyes
My kindness misread
Misheard and mistaken
I've learned Some sounds are better left twirling off of shot glasses than ear drums

Here we are
Guys with hearts of gold,
Sought after like they were made of diamonds
used like iron to build bridges out of our patience,
left to rust once bridges have been crossed,
How quickly brilliance is forgotten
Well trodden is the kindness we so wish we could bury so you might finally appreciate when our beauty sprouts from hardened earth instead of just being there.

You know what we wish was just there?
A Well trodden, hardened body, with biceps as unrealistic as the girls you see on TV
Drastic as the plastic surgeries
Murdering our metabolism
For our own eyes as much as yours
We so wish we weren't the last to get their first chest hairs
Maybe then parties wouldn't mean having to talk to the" are you gay?"s
Who remind us that at least we've come a long way from highschool
Where people used to just assume
With words like fists
That left bruises all the same
And yet I can't tell what is worse
These fists or being set up on dates
That I never wanted
And never asked for

11 days into my first year of college
3 in the morning over spirits and stories I was asked
"So are you gonna ask that guy out?"
my car out of gas from adventures with friends
I was supposed to sleep on her floor
And so i slept on the floor
of the halls common room
I was kicked out at 3:45 and it was raining
I didn't realize there was a wrong answer to that question
The next morning I Texted her and asked if she spelt friendship different than I did

But guys can deal with their own **** right?
And being nice is its own reward right?
I've learned to be grateful for being needed, havent i?

This is the world where I will never not be the nice guy you have been warned about,
You've been warned about every side, angle, shape and size of me
Before I've even opened my mouth
Warned that if you jump the fire pit you'll be burned
Warned not to jump the rose Bush in the garden
But everyone seems to remember trying to jump the fire pit
No one remembers jumping the rosebushes, because no one jumped the rosebushes
And we are patiently waiting, budding while we watch the fires
Be watered

But on the hundredth time one is told to wait for the silver lining rainfall, to wait our turn, soft hearts hardly remain soft but instead harden into a pulsating mesh of muscles tired of beating for other hearts who feed off our blood and give none back
We do it so we know the blood is going somewhere worthwhile, besides our extremities
Just so these two feet might walk a one way street that is so ******* lonely