choking on your own tears
throwing away your own self worth
thinking it can't get better
until it becomes worse

dreaded nights; running endlessly
bouncing lights; mornings shifting
torn between how I think
and how people want me to be

open eyes and I blink
yearning only to be happy
reversing time while my heart breaks
reversing time thinking of only heart break

didn't give enough to please
didn't say enough to make
you're mind sane and at ease
forgive me and my mistakes

I am sorry
I am sorry

I'm throwing myself my own
pity party
please attend and enjoy your time
while I ponder and continue to waste mine

I feel as bad as I think you do
but I apologized
maybe a bit too soon
cause you still think
it's all me
empty inside like a vacant room

mind is alone but wanting
to be adjacent with you
sitting alone but thinking
again of us two

cause at times my tears fall
like rain when it's storming outside
and at times I feel so small
only wishing to be by your side

the people that hate me
seem to be
unhappy with what things
they assume

but life would feel less imperfect
if my life was still spent with you

doing what you want to do
when it's cold at night
and you hold me tight
spinning around the room

reassuring me with beautiful thoughts
showing love with the gifts we bought
resting your head upon my shoulder
watching you grow as we grow older
you remember the things that I once told you

but they faze you like I never said them
and it fazes me that you oppress them

your emotions fade with your heart intact
I sit and read the things you say
that you simply say to attack

words causing sorrow
make me feel like
there's no tomorrow

making my once sane mind
into an insane kind
leaving me behind
as you lie and say you tried

it tears me apart knowing you didn't
I wait for you to come back any minute
even after all that was said

I would rather spend moments with you instead
rather than crying alone wrapped up in bed

and as I always say:
people aren't born malicious

people choose to act without intention
and what we had was fictitious
but every morning I always miss it
and every morning I always wish that
I could have said what was right
things that would make me feel better
or rest easy at night

I want to have what we use to be
I want more time to spend with you
I want to simply make you happy
but I'm no longer of your use

I was your issue
I was your library book
that was overdue
you told me that I was worth it
and that I was the one for you

but to you I was something to enjoy for a while
just someone to watch grieve
as you abandon me and leave
and continue in denial

to you, I was your little sin
so again, I guess you always win
you played your role so well
my heart burns
Just fake it; it's hard to tell

a smile fades into tears that fall
down to the floor
where my dreams reside
also where I keep
my ambition and all of my pride
you laugh as you step over me
left me without a warning
should have used more caution
sold away my efforts
like they were an auction
sold away to the highest bidder
taste left in my mouth tastes so bitter
I would take it back but also wouldn't
us together is something that shouldn't
but I miss you
I want to kiss you
I won't ever misuse
Or cause more issues
if you give me what I wanted
you're love and sympathy
but again I remind myself
that you're not missing me

Behind your mask
Was a malicious grin
A two person battle
You always seemed to win

Time has passed
And I'm over you
Had to take back
Our love that was overdue

Pleading my forgiveness
I looked once more at you
Only to realize that
You were glass; seemingly see through

Every lie you've ever spoke
Was during time spent with me
Had my highs and my lows
Never free; I was you're joke

Shouting out "love me"
When the break first happened
Noting to myself
That my feelings were kidnapped and...

I super glued the pieces
Tried to mend them forever
Again I realized you were
The tornado to my shelter

So now here I stand
Scared to open up
I'll never feel again
Why is this so tough?

Why do I say sorry,
When you just tear me down?
Always just a smile but
Deep down hides a frown

Situation could have been...
Should have been...
Overthinking
Over and over again

Replaying in my head
Like a #1 pop song
Saying what I did instead
Of saying what you did wrong

Why do they always leave?
Why do I care too much?
I shouldn't care anymore
I shouldn't give a ****

I've lost you

what a cruel place we're living in
what a cool place, we could've finished it

it's a boring place but we're staying here
it's a blurry vision but we're seeing clear

the rain drops
drops of tears

the rain falls
down falls fear

no longer open
I am broken

- + -

cuts and bruises and
time is passing

drunken thoughts and
I'm relapsing

- + -

simple needs
and simple hopes
make for these
untied ropes

need to finish
where we have stopped

seen each other last
when the raindrops dropped

down outside it continues to pour
making me need you so much more

but the struggle of my days pass on by
only when the sky is clear and dry

cause only the raindrops remind me of you
and when they drop, I expect to see you soon

I never said I was with you
And I never saw you cry

Stay up all night asking
Did you even try?

Try so hard and I sleep for days
Walk out my life just like a parade

Drink away all of my thoughts
Wash away the mistakes I have made

And the burning liquor is my burning heart
Try to do good, I did my part [x2]

Imagine if we were still together
Would it still seem to make things better?

Imagine all the things we could have done
Imagine the people we would have become

Together, forever
Forever and always

Walk away from me
Empty hallways

~

And I never said I was with you
And I never saw you cry

Stay up all night asking
Did you even try?

And the burning liquor is my burning heart
Try to do good, I did my part [x2]

Together, forever
Forever and always

No more sound and no escape
Nothing but empty hallways

Ways apart, we hunt for fame.
Testing all of my feelings again.

When it's over, I'll come through.
When it's over, I'll be there for you.

Artists always on the top.
Daily doses of everyday pop.

Threading through my cluttered head.
Things of the past left unsaid.

Words dissipate into the air.
Words of music are everywhere.

Hidden message in every verse.
Music seems to get much worse.

Something sacred and something twisted.
Something closed up, something wicked.

Head to bed late at night.
Dim the sky, dim the lights.

Toss and turn and scream and cry.
Music questions and I ask why.

Open doors that I close shut.
Suffer through my life for what?

Doing it all again for nothing.
Music is always bluffing.

Ask the listener.
Are they the answer?

Ask the creator.
Are they really real?

Turn down the music and all reasoning

And when the music is gone,
You'll be needing me.

Settle down the tone.
Settle down the complications of my heart.
Set away in stone.
Watch it break and fall apart.

Rip it into two.
Mend with super glue.
Left with just a bruise.
And a life not worth living.

I'm depending on me to battle my fears.
I'm depending on you to test me all year.
Switch over and we change the speed within our hearts.
Again you show me you shatter.
Again you show me you don't matter.

Change the speed within this dream.
Make believe and funny like it's supposed to be.
Change for me.
Laughing at all this money.
Laughing at all our faint memories.

Spend it like it's nothing.
Take it all for granted.
Wishing on my patience.
You're around me and I can't stand it.

You make me angry and you rip me apart.
You yell at me when I am low.
You tell me that I am nothing.
Anything other than beautiful.

And you wasted all my money.
On your drinking addiction.
Wishing our love was real.
Seems to me like fiction.

I'm hoping.
And crying.

Stand by me now.

Love me and hold me.
For I'm so fragile.

Bend and break me.
And I snap into two.

Make me what I am.
All the colors turn blue.

Lovely little lover.
Sleeping under covers.
You're sleeping with another.
Thought we had each other.

I was wrong and my thoughts were dead.
Wishing that my thoughts were alive.
Staying here without you.
Makes it so hard to survive.

Days I spent are melting away
Waiting for more to decay.

I worry about the decisions I make.
They change my life and change my fate.

Decisions are hard to take.
Decisions are hard to make.

What will the future bring?
What will the future hold?

Do you think my life will be lavish?
My life set in gold.

My life set away.
My life set to go.

My life one day to stay.
A life one day I'll know.

Life will stay forever.
If we can stay together.

Life disappearing.
Life on vacation.

My life's end is nearing.
My life has complications.