it's ironic how
when we smoke cigarettes
we pretend to be dragons
and blow smoke rings
like we aren't
corrupting our lungs
or yellowing our teeth
or putting callouses between our fingers

your lips were stained red
the first time
you ever drank from a big girl’s cup
you know
the one without a lid
and your mother was so proud

when you still bathed with your little sister
because you were young
and it was okay
she decided to taste the grape shampoo
because it smelled so sweet
and so it should taste the same
and she was curious
and so were you
but she grimaced
and choked
and even cried
so you thought that maybe
it wasn't such a good idea
so you didn't taste it

and remember the time you scraped your knees
because you were trying to be like all of the boys
and so you climbed up the tree at the park
just to prove that you weren't fragile
and you didn't even cry
not even a tear
so they decided you must not have cooties
you weren't like the other girls
you were one of them
and you were the exception
you wore those scars with pride

your lips were stained red
the first time you tasted wine
you were at communion
with your best friend
who called herself a bad catholic
at the age of just thirteen

when your sister was twelve
and just learning about
how smoking was bad for you
she decided to steal a cigarette from your mother
because all of the grownups did it
and you were sixteen and curious
because all of the cool kids did it
and when she coughed
and hacked
and ****** in another drag
you thought that maybe
it wasn't such a good idea
but you both did it anyways

and remember that same year
you wanted to impress all of the boys
so you went to your first party
and it was nothing like in the movies
but you wanted to prove that you were like the other girls
so you drank yourself into a haze
and you slipped into one of the bedrooms
with a faceless stranger
and you didn't even cry
but you wanted to