I'm just trying to hold on
I hate myself, hate my life and want to die
I'm not good enough for anything, nothing is good enough for me
I want the finest but just can't find it
Searching in all the obvious places
Suicide always a couple thoughts away
Why can't you just stay here and hide with me?

Hold strong wherever you are
Your life is beautiful and holds so much significance to me
Your the black hope in a violent sea of white despair
If only you had a mirror
Please think of me at least when you have nothing else to focus on
I'll always pull you out even if I have to dive in to get you

I'd like to be standing easy on a mustard seed
Balanced with no panic, tantric tranquility
Soul still in me
Til I let go and leave

I'd like what I want so bad so easy
Peaceful and ready for the next thing
Set my spirit free
Spirit free yourself from me!

Yes! who wouldn't want to just be dropped on the mountain top
And climb from there?
I swear I Would elevate

It's always more fun when you know what your doing,
And am still young

Each picture fades
Every moment dulls and decays
At least before the end

So that another can

You're here until your gone so just sing your song and let the hands move on

I watch them tick ever too closely
Check my stock ever too often
Yet let the the fruits of my labor spoil still

I toss over it every night

I wake up wondering if the night has really ended
Like a dream I'm truly trapped in
What happened to me?
I lost sight of myself

I hate waking up because everyday I wake up in the future
When every night I ask for the past
I spend the inbetweens dreaming of little things I would change if given the choice again
And how massively different those decisions would cause my life to be

If I could be aware of just what little I know now then?
Then I wouldn't be typing this.

I'd spend every second on happiness and trade all my sorrows for such.

I'd dream of the future, rather than variations of my past

I'd live in the moment, rather than anticipate it's end.

I'd be a better man, son, brother and friend.

Though it seems illogical,
So did circling the globe,
I will never stop searching or hoping
Even if this body never knows

It's hard to sit in silence
I don't want the world to see me in pain
But my doctor told me if I share it it might hurt less

When I'm lying here next to her
We're never close enough
She puts up pillow walls and uses a separate blanket

I'm losing this battle
Feeling desperate and falling deeper

I can't even explain what this is
I know I'm being pressed down by something
It's just too dark to see it's face

Have you ever felt like letting go of everything you have?
Have you ever been satisfied?

She sat next to me until I could find the words
I still couldn't explain
But she knew


She calms the fight inside of me
And pulls the rag from my face so that I can breathe

I can't even explain what this is

She holds me down and keeps me steady
Without her I'd of drowned by now
She holds me over always until

(a/o - She always holds me over everything'?')

Most days we'll just lay there
Not much else to do
I'm not such the socialite
She's not really the social type

Not so sure if I'm lucky to have you

You've got your job
You've got your money
Driven in your car
Oh ain't that funny?
Cause your financially free, ha!
But you sound like a slave to me

Is liberation
Just more of your.. Labor?
Or the inconceivable
More stable?



We put so much worth
In our time
But trade it all...

Your achievements
So satisfied
With your life

Your sense of self
Esteem's important, well kept
Your Confidant image

Are All my regrets
All my dreams set
On you
It's unconscious too so You

Just cannot be kept
Your gone in one second
I'm left here for days

Lost in the haze
Drink to the day
And throw it away

I got a bad feeling
Something isn't right here now I'm sure
I think it's finally true
I don't think she loves me any more

She's been so distant lately but still wants my attention
I never got much anyway so what really am I missing?
This ain't been right since practically the beginning
I never really got mine

She keeps my tank on E
But energies she's got plenty
Always up and doing stuff
Go head be free and hopefully don't return to me
Cause I'd probably take you back

I really wish we could just kick it on the coach
Just mellow out watching something
Streamlining telaffection
But your moons always new
Your love signs lost

I search in my sleep for your warmth
Always shivering, separate blankets
I wake and run around for no reason

I want to not worry about anyone
But I can't
I wish I couldn't care about the people who don't care about me