The windows down
Warm sticky air
Salty sweat
Kody’s beside me in the truck
She has a hatchet and I have a hand grenade
We’ve just been driving around town
Screaming **** the earth
Screaming it at all the pretty churchgoers
The school board members
Her old softball coach

I didn’t pay the rent this month
Kody didn’t eat a single vegetable
We ****** about 76 times
She’s been painting really beautiful
Its true talent
Mom sent some mail that said she missed me
I look pathetic trying to react like a son should
I’m almost as free as you would want to be
But what a ******* shame
I have to wake up in a few hours

Its science versus religion
And cognitive thought versus deranged fantasy
Wars fought for love where loves lost and heroes are burned, cherished, forgotten
Little boys with ***** faces and sticks
Teenagers with cars
Young adults with assault rifles
Men in jail some with bars some with front doors a fax machines
Trees that reach the sky and some that wither crack and die
Burning thoughts of the afterlife a fire fueled by fear of death
The chance of being wrong
The opposite thought of being right keeping you grounded in the daylight
But fleeting in the night escaping just like the sun to comfort some other being
The loneliness of lying awake with a deranged mind running free
Clawing its way from your brain
Grandpa’s dead and dads on his way out
And moms still preaching the gospel
And gods still ******* on ashes but not putting out fires
Cities crumble and rebuild and repeat
Everything is a cycle love, hate, lust, love, hate, die, repeat
Breathe in oxygen exhale ***** and regurgitated knowledge
Of free press movements and the civil war
Fighting, sleeping, *******, eating, drinking, smoking, hurting, smiling
Fields of crops that feed nations and economies
They grow then comes harvest and their end
Just like us harvested in the end to feed nations and economies
Words that burn politicians and inspire masses
Bombs that end lives and ******* children
But prove were right and your wrong
Our god is bigger than yours he has more firepower too
Wrong side of the tracks on the wrong side of the ocean
Worms eat dirt what a pathetic existence
They eat dirt, **** dirt then die
We eat love **** love then die
We’re just worms
Bigger, intelligent, more aesthetically pleasing worms
Hateful thoughts and bold words
Worldly views from the comfort of a laptop
Medication and frozen dinners
Sick, fat and dying
Life is beautiful

We read “Captain Hook’s collection of psalms,
And other songs to sing along to.”
Nothing better to do off hand,
But revel in our own arrogance.
And, we notched holes in leather straps,
To expand at the waste.
Drive through diets replacing lessons-
Of keeping elbows off the table.
Of speaking only when spoken to.

Twenty-one years plus a little change.
And, daddy says-
Everything I taught you is replaceable.
And, daddy says-
Mistake is a just a word.
Hasn’t got it figured out either,
At least he admits it,
Choking down another cigarette,
Says: here’s to now.
And, don’t break your back if you don’t have to.

Technology affords avenues
Different rivers to float experience
Overalls and baseball caps
And the tree house that broke my tibia.
Talked through tin cans in this age,
Of golden innocence.
Now I’m Facebooking and twitting or twittering
Or… who the **** cares?
No one I care about.
Rivers given way to raw sewage.
And, even dogs eat their own ****.

This cat called my computer a ******* box-
If the shoe fits,
Clichés get the hits.
Search: Blonde **** *******-
5 million 38 hundred and 2 results.
Neon Bibles erupt in the sky.
Today I am a believer in the quarter pounder with cheese
Tomorrow in gasoline for 2.85
Midas made gold
Now he wants to change my oil.
They call that economics
Or advertising.
And, suddenly my sneakers aren’t good enough

Voice on the other end reassures-
My ideas are manic.
Paint a scene of terror.
Laying waste to iron giants-
Tearing down systems in place to restrict
Setting fire to everything-
Rack it up to fulfilling.
Rack it up to rebuilding.
Dismal haze, red glow to ash filled sky,
That makes mom clutch the good book-
Saying its time to go home.
How she knows her redeemer lives.
Clarity reigns supreme
And, daddy says-
Son, you’ve been watching too much TV.
And daddy says-
You catch more with honey by rule.

Walk with me,
    Through the night.
Such blissful glimmering,
    Promise above.

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
        Lovers fated,
            With promised shine.

That deepening dark,
    Hiding us true.
Naked we were-
Invisible to all.
    All that is known.

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
        Lovers fated,
            With promised shine.

Light pooled from above,
    The creek reflecting sky.
Bathe us in innocence.
Arise as newborns.
Cry out: “Always Onward!”

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
        Lovers fated,
            With promised shine.

“Always Onward!” indeed-
Through thicket and tree.
Speak not of the path,
    Traveled before.
Speak not of the path,
    That lay ahead-
Only travel.

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
        Lovers fated,
            With promised shine.

We must not stay-
There is field to traverse,
    Mountains to conquer.
Be light on your feet,
    Radiant star.

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
        Lovers fated,
            With promised shine.

Shadows sure to haunt-
    Born from timber,
    From moon.
Fear not nature’s ruse-
We are roaring animals!
    “Always Onward!”

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
        Lovers fated,
            With promised shine.

Moss at foot and leafs of past,
    Share with us-
Your everything.
    Energy of all things-
Gone and to come.

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
         Lovers fated,
             With promised shine.

Cliff top high, oh release us.
    Let us know the world,
        As does the wind-
Touching everything.

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
        Lovers fated,
           With promised shine.

Above it all we soar,
    Eagles we are-
Royalty of the sky.
What Gaze from below-
What gaze at majesty.
Dawn would show our feathers,
    But in the night-
We are but gusting wings.

My hand in yours,
    Yours in mine.
        Lovers fated,
           With promised shine.

Alas! The horizon!
Water and sky meet,
    But the journey yet to end.
Procreated by thunderous roars-
We animals HOWL!
    “Always Onward!”
        “Always Onward!”
            “Always Onward!”

Fall brings the cold.
Where did all the children wander off to?
Better scoop them up quickly,
Before the beasts tear off their skin.

Look now, they’re in the streets.
They have taken up their arms-
Childhood dreams so sweet,
Make for steady shield and firm sword.

But battle has been seen-
Time and time again.
And those beasts- what beasts, with gnashing teeth,
Always they will tear from you that innocence.

Make your feet to move Soldiers of the street,
      Soldiers of tomorrow,
      Soldiers of potential-
Always they will tear from you that innocence.

Too late now mothers, the children must be left.
We have lost the battle years before-
It now rests upon their youthful backs and shoulders.
Pray to no one, pray for your victory oh soldiers of tomorrow.

March on! Cut down the beasts, like stalks of wheat for harvest.
Give heavy push and hearty pull.
Roar in deafening register-
Take back what no one promised you, what no one promised us.

Take it back, so that our minds may be unchained again.
Oh soldiers of youth, pray to no one.
Oh soldiers of youth, stand strong.
Do not fall, like so many before.

I fear that you may one day crawl from the street to join us,
Privates in our army of defeated,
Crying out with weakened lungs-
"Always they will tear from you that innocence."

Aphrodite - Queen *****,
Slouching.
Elbows resting on glass countertop -
              Go **** yourself.

All you are -
         Is beautiful.
All you are -
         Is perfection.

Can't touch you baby,
     No, not again.
Smiled and cooed,
     Then playing the role of dog in heat,
     Snapped and snarled -
Like I was the crazy one.
     You asked for it.

A blank page of hope cracked like porcelain
The light fades and darkness seeps through
Crumpled in the trash, start again
Beauty and elegance
Bright reds and yellows
Floral print gowns and freckle kissed skin
A hateful snarling stretched mouth
Blatant hurtful words and red lights
Crumpled on the couch
A new suit, haircut and polished black shoes
Tonight we got drinks
A little hope and a touch of scent
Growing feelings of love lost in the confusion
Translucent optimism
Crumpled at a table for two bearing a neon sign screaming vacancy
Liquor bottles and oceans of cigarette butts
A scratchy blanket and some reruns of the late show
The whiny tones of some country western romantic on the radio
The bellows of a 3 a.m. train
Crumpled in the shallow heart of suburbia
The first breathe of fresh air for three weeks
The stinging criticism of sunlight
Cut grass and the earths slow steady breathing under foot
A ***** kitchen and some worn out jeans
A meaningful life full of meaningless time
Soccer games and sitcoms
Crumpled in a compact car  
Memories in a bag set on a shelf just out of reach
Brittle bones and worn skin
More reruns of the late show
Waiting for Christmas and thanksgiving and the recliner
Confusion and hurt
Crumpled in the ground

It was Saturday,
And you said God was with us.
So, we drove as fast as possible-
Into blistering orange and purple,
Into the death of the sun.
Because we knew he was, just as well as wasn’t.

There was sweat on your chest,
And on mine two black handprints of mud.
You called me your Apache warrior.
I made fierce stabs at sol, spears tipped with glass.
I did not **** the fire, only scared him away for a cycle.

In ecstasy you asked if I’d like some-
Fearful to step past my father’s drugs I shrugged you a no.
Sold you the same line from dreams before.
I don’t like being in heaven and hell at the same time.
To which you replied with hollow eyes to hell with heaven.
And together we cried ponds in the parking lot of Wal-Mart.
Beseeching the dams not hold,
Hoping we could wash it all clean.

It was Sunday,
And you said that god was dead-
We danced in the street, maniacs,
Exposed flesh and drumming war cries.
Busted open the fire hydrant and nursed,
Hysterical for love and peaceful tomorrows,
Crusaders of regrettable intentions.
And then your mother called and you had to run off to church.

During this fifth year you were enlightened.
Many people feel that upon reading a book or two.
Labeled me wrong, you of course playing the protagonist -
I didn’t see it that way.
I wasn’t keeping any type of score.
Still bear chested, scowling at king sun,
Howling to mother moon, dressed in pale luminous silk,
Knowing she would never howl back.

With duly noted precautionary tales in mind I set forth-
To coastal plains lush with life,
Trees hiding the cityscape.
Stars sending light at a glacial pace,
Eroding corneal muck.
You had left three sheets to the wind,
And I was inside my own mind without.
Skies bled crimson heat,
Leached from me that passion that once held steadfast
And it was pleasant at best.
But, I am no martyr.
Revitalized in my own indulgences,
Slept till Saturday when you returned-
The world making right again.

Floating
The ceiling is my bed
A dusty breath of reality hits the floor
Six a.m. alarm and a ***** nurse vanishes
A dog in the street
Cold rain
Awful ******* people in their awful ******* cars
The smell of fast food and lying cheating shadows
The world is grey and cold then warm and comforting
Just confusion
The TV lulls and the noises fade into everything else that isn’t remembered
Just some more distraction some more drug
Just legal
Some more love
Just fake
Hamburgers and beer
Water and spaghetti
Passing clouds and birds
I envy birds their freedom they are limitless
But they are stupid
Car crashes **** ****** abortion ******
Apple juice and cigarettes
Terrorists
Preachers
Cows, ducks
No one and nothing
Going no where when they die 
There will be a lot of disappointed people
Just standing there saying what the **** man
A nice ***, wet ***** and a pair of ****
Some jealousy and a ***** of a wife
A kid that you love but he leaves too eventually
That apartment in the city you used to have
That one you wanted to leave but long for now
A blow-job and a shot of whisky
An eighty-dollar tab and an upside down car
The radio plays nothing you recognize
The kids all dress different and talk like ******* lunatics
Foaming at the mouth and cussing life
God is gone he said he wasn’t coming back anytime soon
Not for you at least
Maybe when you have kids and don’t wish you were that bird
Maybe just long enough for you to say
What the **** man

The streetlights are never lonely.
Cars always got a companion or two.
Feet to the street.
No comfort in the city-
No oxygen either, darling.
Only lunacy dons its hat here.

        Hip Hip Hurrah!
        Hurrah you *******,
        Hurrah god ******!

What marvels we've created.

Laughing mans gotta run.
Feels it.
Kicks up his spine - It used to only crawl.
Shake a little cold from the bones.
Never hadda run before. Oh well,
Always knew it was coming.
Boot to dirt,
             to leaf,
                 to twig.

Came down from Hollywood. Laughing man never shined.
Never, not once. Felt it there too. Always feels it.
''*******,
     *******,
         *******'', Always.
Didn't run from the city of angels.
Walked a stint though.
Taught a man some spanish for a ride through Arizona.
"Knowin a little Mexican can keep your nuts dry''
Laughing man laughs at his own jokes,
laughs at everything.

Sky is grey and spitting a little bit.
How many more steps ol' Laughing man have?
Keeps on running.
Saw a paper in some town a while back.
That first ones face was on the front,
Then a bunch of words - how many pieces there were.
Laughing man laughs at this.
Remembers asking, "Whats it feel like?"
Thinks her lovely and tucks that one away.
Boot to asphalt,
             to mud.

Here's a trick - said to tree.
"Always put on a face,
People like faces." Laughing man Laughs, shivering.
Gotta get running. Surely they've found more by now.
Two and three were no doubt a mess.
Bad memories. Shake 'em, duck 'em.
"****,
        ****,
              ****," Laughing man angers.
Gotta get running.
Wake up achy muscles.

Paula drove to the beach.
Never been before - Laughing man thrilled.
She laughed almost as much.
Shakes a little - cold, hunger, maybe lament?
Thought she'd stay around.
Ol' Paula fails to make the return trip.
Laughing man laughs and accelerates.
Shiny new car.
No car now.
Times done its thing, always does
Feet to the grass,
                   to the gravel,
                              to water.

Wretched waters to nurse wounds.
Laughing man drinks, awakened - thanks the icy liquid..
Never hadda build a fire before.
"Instinct my dear." - Laughing to smoldering tender
"Evolution my dear." - Laughing to roasting meat,
                                                                ­         to crimson stained steel.
Gotta get running.
"She wont turn up but she might"
and
"Ok, might've left her teeth in the sink."
Feels 'em breathing down the neck.

Into the lake, water stinging skin.
Laughing man paddles.
Mindless.
Throbbing, heavy breathing.
Feet to nothing,
                       to thrashing.
"Help me out here ya gorgeous ******!" Laughing to the moon.
Exhale,
          inhale,
                   float, nose to sky.
Calm, gives a shake to number seven.
Remembers fourteens eyes.
Cold and grey.
Looks to the moon.
                      Winks back and gives driftwood a chuckle.
Laughing man does his thing, then the water does its.

What makes a memory
so beautiful-
is that you cant shake it

The painful ones
that leave lament-
that force you to question death

The joyful ones
filled with noise-
confusing bliss

They can be beaches
sand between your toes-
the grit almost too real

But mountains can also rise up,
treacherous climbs-
pitfalls and dark caverns

Control comes from embracing-
your geography- no,
your journey

Happiness comes from knowledge-
Learned through introspect
and personal enlightenment

Come on down-
before the gravity gets ya-
you’re looking for Jesus up there right?

One balloon-
didn’t get you off the ground-
but a couple more gave a little fight.

Come on down-
before the people get ya.
Their throwing rocks at all your hope.

They say you think too much.
Just take it at face value-
but the mask is ugly and broke.

Sid found drugs.
Then he found some true meaning-
before they locked him in a room with pads.

Mom found god.
The Doctors found bleeding.
Then they laid her in the dirt next to dad.

Come on down-
before the truth hits ya-
and you realize those balloons aren’t real.

When you crash back down-
you know **** well its gonna hurt-
but you realize life's about what you feel.

The hall was dark
and the young lady beautiful.

On her tears,
on her angst,
she was in all formality’s-
dead to the world

but no matter how ugly
the hopeless tears,
or how desolate
the hall she walked-
        her life shone bright
kindling in the souls
of shallow men
of thinkers -
       a fire that could not be extinguished
       a fire that fed off oxygen-
and love.

While they pursued
the beauty who walked
the dark
       their fire lit a path-
       showed her a way
one that no other lover could-
revealed a flower that could grow
even in the absence of feeling.

Heard the moon from under a blanket.
Wrapped in silk she rapps on my window,
begging in the most patient manner - to be let in.

Hello my lovely Margret.
How I'd like to sink my teeth into her tonight.
Should we have a smoke?
She trembles in her luminous shimmer.

Takes my hands - Margret you  devil.
Never an audible urge,
but an ethereal curtain becomes us
and I hear the cry - dance with me, she says.

Not tonight Margret, we must behave ourselves.
God she's a different kind of tempting.
I really should kick this nasty habit, I know.
She snakes those legs around my middle.

She's no pioneer - not a ****** innovator,
Just a crutch, but a beautiful one at that.
Will you stop it, I said not tonight.
Dims a bit, start fearing  I've been to rough - but she's back.
Just a passing cloud.
Eager as ever, tonight, to bathe me in radiance.
Dance with me, she cries -  and I falter.

Long for a pure existence.
Safe inside the comfort -
Of my own mind.
Contemplating this idea
Of throwing it all away.
Head for the hills,
           for the mountain peaks,
             for the coast.

Content of my wallet is fitting-
No paper,
No value to the plastic.
So, whats the point?
Working towards working towards dying.
**** all that, I'm out.
You cant buy clarity,
At least I dont think you can.

Grew up in the country.
God I miss the birds.
All the birds around here look sick.
I think it's from eating so much fast food.
Miss the stars too.
Miles and miles, stretching -
Pin-points of untouched hope.
Thats gotta be pure, to think -
That star is a part of everything
And everything a part of it.

Who now draws from me,
But forest, field and brook?
I am returning-
Soil to the potters hand.
Mother Earth,
Spinning,
Spinning,
Wheel.
Mold me into beauty-
Into grass or sky.
Spread me,
Through the lands.
Let me dance upon the wind.
Let me feed the children of the ground.

Readily available fix
If the price is right
If I’m feeling up to it

Most of the time
It’s just to ease a little stress
To make the music sound better

Sometimes it’s to clean
Wash away all the dirt
From the counter tops, from my mind

Every once in a while
Ill have the cash
Then I can really enjoy the sunset

When you lay me in the ground
and my feet never walk again
leave my shoes by the door
because I'll return

When you lay me in the ground
and my mouth refuses to sing
keep a tape recorder by your side
soon I'll sing again

When you lay me in the ground
and my hands can write no more
leave a pen on my nightstand
beauty will again grace your eyes

When I'm finally gone
left to feed the earth
don't try to hide your tears
soon I will return to wipe your face clean

When do we stop?
At some point you think it has to right?
  Everything must stop.
   Well when is it our turn?

Leafs change colors and fall to the ground.
Animals die and so do relatives.
   Then their just gone they have stopped.
     But when do we stop?

We hurl on through life-
  learning about it all-
   about nothing-
    everything about nothing

Then we try to teach it to others.
We try to understand it ourselves-
   and still we don’t stop

All around us things start-
new things.
  On their life long walk waiting for the end-
    waiting on the lottery

Reemergence’s of old things-
old feelings-
  old memories.
   Some linger-
    others stop-
     but we’re still moving.

We just want to rest, to stop moving for a while-
but we don’t-
  and its miserable.

All the emotions and the feelings-
the questions-
  the experiences-
   the content some have found.
    It all piles up-
     And it’s moving us, always moving us.

Eventually we get to the end.
It’s not very pretty.
  We’re still not content.

we start to worry-
about all the questions we had.
  The ones that were never answered.
   What we didn’t discover-
     didn’t feel.

then, there is fear.
Because all this time we have wanted to stop.
  Now we want to go on.
   We don’t want it to fade away.
    We're not done here-
     and we become more miserable-
      more angry.

Then we miss the ultimate experience.
The one in the very end.
  Where we see what’s next.
   Where we discover what this whole experience was.
    And where we truly find peace.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions
so where do all my bad ones get me
I've never held more than a flicker to mention
of breaking away from normality
For me the roads not paved with what once mentioned
but instead with ill repeats
See that's the funny thing about repetition
it can always guarantee  defeat

You tell us the truth-
          
                           your truth.

What you’ve been told.

                          What you discovered-
For us.

                          What we haven’t discovered.

Then you beg for us to recreate.

                          So the truths always the same.

No matter how blissful.

                          No matter how **** covered.

We miss the real truth.

                          Because you’ve forced us to walk your path.

To know what you’ve learned and settle-

                           And few see what we’ve missed.

The lucky, lucky few see-

                            But they can’t share it.

Because you wont listen.

                            Because the path your on is deep.

It's Deep, full of ruts.

                           Your stuck in your own truth.

Stuck in your repetitive teachings-

                           Your story’s and lessons-

And you never realize that wisdom is found through learning-

                            Not being force-fed Einstein’s Excrement

Good or bad
Sharp and dull
Work or play
Light and dark
Smart or dumb
Young and old
Worthless all the same
In the end its still over

calm is the mind
            of the tree
                        whose leaves fall-
                                    inevitably
                        to the ground
                        to their end

Yet my mind
            Races-
                        as death
                                    everyday growing nearer
                        stands on his hind legs
                                    mocking me
                                    asking-
                                                are you comfortable?
                                                are you happy?

I long for the serenity
            of the forest
            of the tall oak
                        so that he may teach-
                                    patience
                                                to this broken soul

God told Abraham
Take your boy up the mountain
**** him for me
Show me some love
What an *******
I couldn’t drink beer with the guy

What we put in,
            is what
                        we expel

Put in happiness-
            Expel happiness

Take in hatred-
            Force it on others

I am seeing,
            the beauty-
                        in life

So that you,
            might see-
                        me as beautiful

No one cares unless you’re a character,
    Straight from the pages.
Go on boy do something special.
Not special enough?
Just work till ya die,
    Advance us please-
Money for your time.
No one appreciates thought,
    Who the **** would have guessed it?

"He has my heart." She said.
            "Well, that’s what I want." I replied.

Your heart-
            I would settle,
            for a fraction
            for a shard
                        as stained as it is
                        from past love
                        from failure-
            I would settle.

Hopeful am I,
            That someday
                        that shard should grow
                                    into a half-
            that the stains
                        should be wiped clean,
                        replaced only by
                                    Joy

I would kindle
            that half,
            until its flame
                        burned bright,
                                    for only me-
            until I
                        was all the fuel
                                    your heart needed

As flames rose
            to lick the sky

As my half burned
            Into a whole

I would gaze
            upon your fire
                        rejoicing-
                                    That I could help
                                                Something beautiful
                                                become magnificent