I know the feel of your bones
creases in the  knuckle
The skin stretched taught
Grasping with my love, my hands

I love the squishy parts of you
The parts that give to my touch
Through your cream skin
I see the highways and byways
That bring my love life

your slender neck wants my kisses
to begin their way
down the valley of your spine
mmmmm those hips
the curves and dips

I fought it, only slightly,
Your soft pull on me.
It was the gravity that pulls the sea.
It drew my heart, slowly.
Slow, like so many good things,
And now I drift.

I look at reflections on the tilted glass
Twisting what is on the surface
Bending my face upon the sweating arc
Hot and cold, you and I.

I see you through its warped world
Your look burns the air in my lungs
And words fall schorched into my mouth.
To fumble upon my unwilling tounge

And within the realm of me.
We have loved 1000 years
You smile and step lightly away,
To tear away from my tomorrow

You have  slipped out of my view,
Softly and slowly ,
Like the sun behind a cloud,

You left loudly like a loon,
Slamming the front door,
Your heart rattled in your throat,

Now you have gone, wordlessly
A cold icy dream,
A winters day with no sun.

It is my wish that you should be,
A strong willow,
Branches waving in my tomorrow.
A stone stuck firm in the fields of forever.
Hoping your waves will travel,
backward through time;
To kiss the sands of this island,
lingering a moment,
and washing back away.
But even if I find your tree
laid bare in winters closing.
I will rejoice to find myself
held in your naked branches.
And like some mad bird
I will nest with no clutch.
Just to be near you at years end.

You need to grow,
To feel the pain of loosing.
You need to bleed,
And hurt a little alone.

Because love grasps blindly
From where you've fallen,
It does not scream
When you stand tall.

The silent street's song
Falls cold on my callous ears.
A cool kiss creeps upon my face.
This midnight melancholy,
This sad insomnia,
From time to time...
Sets in my bones

What do you say when faced the prospect of always being alone? When you are stuck like an echo in a long empty corridor. And for all the noise you make you are met with an immovable silence. When all your struggling stops and in stillness, you're sounds run from you.
It's sobering to think Contrary to niaeve childhood thoughts, "you will find your someone... that all will be well". But these thoughts are human and my feelings are sharp in my chest, from time to time they cut me. I would be crushed under the weight of these feelings if not for the hope that is found in Christ. If I am to find someone he is the hope I have till then. If I am to remain lonely I will not be alone, and I have hope to find a deeper meaning, deeper beauty in my solitude. My need for another person to love will never outweigh my need for Him.

Let me sit alone in my silence
Sometimes a sleepy sadness
Is what I need
Try not to unravel who I am
For tomorrow I will wake with hope
And dust off my former self with a sigh
And melt into the bright new morning.  
So let me sit in comfort
In sweet despondence
In a melancholy mood

Worms of wrath and worms of envy
Wreathe beneath my aching flesh.
My heart lies cold on the floor of Lust
Yet alone it beats afresh.
Is it pride that keeps it beating,
long after others end.
Or is it greed to long for someone
Wishing to be not just a friend.

Silly slothful thoughts sometimes
rush trough my weary mind.
leave well enough alone they say
love's something you won't find
this gluttonous desire
for somebody to hold
Can never be fulfilled
Yet it will not be controlled

We, are the users.
Shrieking into the Digital abyss.
The plight of Fallen man
Posted on our windows.
We barely even stop to comment.
Content, with a kernel of the truth
Lost, we are caught in the web
And as we Struggle it cements us
There our screams are scrawled on walls
Whose echos are seldom heard
lost in the white noise,
In a Fedback loop
And then
Muted...

If you see a light in my eyes,
Its because there is a heat in my chest.
Burning me hollow, filling me with fire.
Steam may sigh from through my lips,
When those two fires fix upon you.
Don't see a false smile as you search me,
It is the the kiln's closed doors.
Look at what hides beneath,
The core of me.
My most secret of places
Is so easily seen,
If only you'd open it.

Its funny how we sally onward,
Like trains on an unmovable track.
We make our scheduled stops,
Taking care not to pull in late.
Moving through the crowd
We stay inside our heads.
With stern looks
Straight ahead.
Towards the
Line's
End.                      
             ...but we are not trains
                                                          ­            ....we can set our own course

I see you... inside.
I am a watcher.
I both pity and envy,
The wheel you run on.
Sitting here at my table
...Alone.
Watching you play
With the other rats.
I could never be
happy among them,
But you are.
I pity you.
I envy you.

Why can I not  sleep
When such a gentle rain falls
And splashes outside

I used to be young
I used to hold hope
I used to run
with no regard for my legs

I used to feel raw
I used to scream
I used to bare my heart
Knowing it would be wounded

My innocence is gone
But wisdom has come
Crawling on glass I came to feel
Screaming through silence I came to hear
Run ragged, I came to walk

Are you through being lonely?
Tearless , hiding yourself.
Searching for what lies false within.

Singing songs of love.
Catching feeling from them,
But never knowing them.

Does your heart ache beneath your ribs,
Yearning for someone uniquely yours.
Someone finding you lovely to love.

Do you tire of being all fire,
Quenched in icy loneliness
Still loving... But loving no one.

I am sick of being grey
Shimmering colors wavering,
Left half alive and fraying

I suffer! sick of beating my breast.
Cursing my heart for still feeling.
Telling myself love is lost;

and not believing...

Inside my skin, there is acid.
Burning , to escape
The cauldron bubbles
brimming, scalding
Madness Spills over

I cave in. Let it bleed
The thick black bubble bursts.
Its release leaves
The open wound to fester

My heart pumps poison,
It catches in my throat.
I scream and curse
And gasp for breath.
Let the bile boil.

Hate burns the brew
It simmers in the chest
It may be gone for a spell
But pots are made to boil
Boil over

I was waiting here when spring came,
She lifted my spirits with her warm mellow rains.
Softly she touched my face.
And filled me with the warmth of her sun.
I felt the heat of her upon me,
Melting my snow.
The birds made me sing with them,
I sang to her, and she came.
And we danced in the green fields
With wildflowers not yet blooming.
Love in newness
Not yet budding.

Scandalous, you running in your underwear
Droplets like dew, dripping from your hair
If you didn't think it was odd
I would try to catch them

We dried on that rock lying lazy in the sun
Sidelong glances at each other, one on one
Neither of us could stand to look too long
As if the vacuums of our eyes
Would create some black hole

You spoke and the little hairs
On the back of my neck
Stood in applause

Your hand brushed my hand
Goosebumps rippled from that point and
Through my body,
Alerting everything,
Like electricity
I was instantly alive

How wicked an inception
the beginning of our love
how sweet the deception
I was made unaware of

It ripped me in two
Only after the fact
But at least i had you
Behind my back

Behind my back
with a silver knife
you readied the attack
to ***** out my life

such a skillful attack
It was almost an art
you aimed for my back
and ****** through my heart

Doldrums bang, doldrums, doldrums
Throughout she sang, throughout, throughout

My heart broke then, my heart, my heart
But then she spoke, but then, but then

Enraptured I flew enraptured, enraptured
Because she knew, because, because

Dispite what she does dispite, dispite
My love she was my love my love

When with baited breath I stand
Withered and beaten, almost broken.
Hoping something praying more
Loving someone unknown, unseen.
Peering through the window of time
Seeing all that lies before and after
All will be worth it all will be well
Pain is here, love is here, you are here.