I see you... inside.
I am a watcher.
I both pity and envy,
The wheel you run on.
Sitting here at my table
...Alone.
Watching you play
With the other rats.
I could never be
happy among them,
But you are.
I pity you.
I envy you.

Why can I not  sleep
When such a gentle rain falls
And splashes outside

I used to be young
I used to hold hope
I used to run
with no regard for my legs

I used to feel raw
I used to scream
I used to bare my heart
Knowing it would be wounded

My innocence is gone
But wisdom has come
Crawling on glass I came to feel
Screaming through silence I came to hear
Run ragged, I came to walk

Are you through being lonely?
Tearless , hiding yourself.
Searching for what lies false within.

Singing songs of love.
Catching feeling from them,
But never knowing them.

Does your heart ache beneath your ribs,
Yearning for someone uniquely yours.
Someone finding you lovely to love.

Do you tire of being all fire,
Quenched in icy loneliness
Still loving... But loving no one.

I am sick of being grey
Shimmering colors wavering,
Left half alive and fraying

I suffer! sick of beating my breast.
Cursing my heart for still feeling.
Telling myself love is lost;

and not believing...

Inside my skin, there is acid.
Burning , to escape
The cauldron bubbles
brimming, scalding
Madness Spills over

I cave in. Let it bleed
The thick black bubble bursts.
Its release leaves
The open wound to fester

My heart pumps poison,
It catches in my throat.
I scream and curse
And gasp for breath.
Let the bile boil.

Hate burns the brew
It simmers in the chest
It may be gone for a spell
But pots are made to boil
Boil over

I was waiting here when spring came,
She lifted my spirits with her warm mellow rains.
Softly she touched my face.
And filled me with the warmth of her sun.
I felt the heat of her upon me,
Melting my snow.
The birds made me sing with them,
I sang to her, and she came.
And we danced in the green fields
With wildflowers not yet blooming.
Love in newness
Not yet budding.

Scandalous, you running in your underwear
Droplets like dew, dripping from your hair
If you didn't think it was odd
I would try to catch them

We dried on that rock lying lazy in the sun
Sidelong glances at each other, one on one
Neither of us could stand to look too long
As if the vacuums of our eyes
Would create some black hole

You spoke and the little hairs
On the back of my neck
Stood in applause

Your hand brushed my hand
Goosebumps rippled from that point and
Through my body,
Alerting everything,
Like electricity
I was instantly alive