A life that once was, no longer is, another that never was now is. one chapter closes to open another. to skim back is to see images of lost loves, thoughts of a long life in such a short time, so many events in such few nights. Skimming forward is to find thoughts of dreams that might rise or fall, and fantasies that may or may not be fulfilled. you'll see lessons fortold by a stranger's life. To close this book is to end it. A life has come and gone. To pass on this book of knowledge is to give rebirth to a life of change. ..

A lonely heart walks in pair, never beating with the other's rhythm. A strong mind lies unchallenged, its wisdom rarely meant, its thoughts never asked for.  An internal fire once burned bright, so hot that passion was never missed, but now darkness has taken its place.  I walk a path in which my sight is clouded.  Many times I've reached out my hand, and never was it met.  So alone I've walked my path forgetting my pains.  And on I've gone for quite some time, with a vague memory of things once better.   Suddenly from within the dark my hand met yours, and my heart skipped a beat; forever altering its rhythm.  My mind started to race with your words, and suddenly my world didn't seem so lonely.  When your lips met mine, the moment froze, as well as my thoughts.  You challenged mind of what I thought was right and I saw that in some ways I was wrong about the path I've walked.  I craved yet another kiss from your lips, so soft so tender they were and yet with so much passion your lips met mine once more.  My eyes opened and my sight was cleared, and as lovely as I could imagine your eyes met mine.  When our bodies were pressed against each others, the passion sparked my fire.  I never wanted to release you; at that moment I wanted all of you.  Still I said nothing for my voice was gone, I could not think for all my thoughts were of you.  So beautiful you look in the half lit night, so wonderful your fragrance, so rapid my heart beat for your kiss had stolen my breath.  Although the night is over, I remember it so well, I crave to fell your touch, your skin, but most of all your kiss.  And still my path is dark, but my steps are lighter, for my rhythm has been changed, my mind has been challenged, my fire rekindled,  and my hand had met yours if only for that night, and now I sit and wait for my lips to find yours once again.

we long for what we can't give. (title for now) I long to converse with you without our words turning to anger, but still we find ourselves standing at opposite ends of a verbal battle. I long to spend time with you, without it turning into a confrontation, but we still stand at opposite ends of the chessboard. I have longed to hold you, even close, but you kept me at arms length; both physically and mentally. I try to do right by you but I always seem to fail, like a child blindfolded in a dark room who was asked to distinguish between colors. You ask for passion, almost like that of two star crossed lovers who have stolen a single night for themselves. But the many times I've tried to express it, the passion was unreturned like a lover waiting under the stars for a soul that seems will never arrive. I've waited for the happiness that is supposed to come from two hearts joined as one, and yet I'm filled with a sadness that comes from a pain of a solitary beating vessel. I have asked you for affection, that of a caring mate that says "I love you" without words, and here I find myself unknowing of a speechless love, for when I'm in pain I can't feel you there holding me. I hope for a strong open mind, one that can not only stand up for her beliefs, but also admit to the mistakes that befall all human beings. Yet, for you to see your errors would mean for you to admit your faults and imperfections, which your pride may never accept. I simply ask for a companion that would take the time to understand me and love me for my imperfections; for I know I carry many with me. However that effort and understanding has not been received from you. And even though I've had all these obstacles in the way, I've tried to love you with every drop of blood that pumps through my veins, but no longer can I shed tears for your sorrows, or bleed for your pain, for it is as if my heart has pumped its last drop of my pain.

Of all the things upon this earth, there is only one that can stimulate all five senses of a man at once. A man may find individual substitutes for these pleasures, but none compare to that of what a woman can do. Her fragrance can stir your senses from a distance, and she enters your mind, simply her scent, can be as sweet as any other this earth can conjure. When you first met her image; your heart may skip a beat. With your eyes you caress every curve of her body as you crave her touch. And as the tips of her fingers stroke the surface of your skin, your urges increase. Your outer surface bumps as her grip increases; and the heat rises as you reach with your lips to take the first taste of her body. Then when you reach it, it comes with a flavor so sweet that no other fruit may compare. When your tongues meet within the twisted tangle of lust the feeling and flavor are to be savored. The moans as you each attempt to occupy the same space, will raise your pulse, and drive you to be closer. For her words and her sounds of enjoyment would fall upon your ears more gracefully than and melody composed by man. And as you lay there with the passion still fresh in your mind you may realize that of all things upon this earth… Only a woman can stimulate all five senses at once, and she may continue to while you simply lay there with her in your arms.

I once played the fool for you, now I find myself facing the truth. When once I loved you, and even saw us together until the end of time, now I see a lonely path ahead of me. One filled with shadows, yet I walk it with a smile upon my face. The wound you created runs deep, but I feel no more pain. For when you laid with him, you lost me; I just did not know at the time. I once played the fool for you, but no longer will my tears fall for you. My heart has gone cold and my mind has pushed you out. No longer will I be that fool that loved you without reason, but I will forget you for all the reasons that you tried to hide from me. Your words will no longer fall on my ears with the pain you intend them to strike, nor will your action affect my thoughts. Once I played the fool, so far in love with you that I lost track of what was in front of me. Now my eyes have opened and what I have seen almost destroyed me from within, but time has shown me that you saw me as your fool and so you tried to show the world just how I would fall over you, but now the world sees that I can stand tall. You search for reason to right your wrong, but your search is in vain. For the only wrong I did was to be your fool. But no more will you see me, no more will I be lost within who you were. For my heart has closed and my mind will no longer dwell on you, for I will never play your fool again.

I dwell on my last thought. What would it be about? Would it be about the sun rising out of the ocean to have started my final day? Or would be about the about that night? The night that the sleeping figments of my imagination came to together to show me the truth of you. That night that I awoke with that fear and those tears, feeling that strain, and all that pain. What would I think about? Could my mind race past all the nights that the party never ended, and the **** flowed freely, or would I ponder upon the fires that feed on my skin within my mind, when I saw you and him, maybe I'll just dwell on the hatred at burned within my heart that would rival that of any other. Would I remember the laughter shared amongst friends, the passion of that first love that fuel my heart or the many words I have place upon paper for others to enjoy. That final thought may even be of my heart nailed against the wall while still pumping the pain thought out my vanes to every nerve that I have. So on my last thought, would it be of you? Or Oh **** I bounced?

I walk along with my many thoughts, negotiating through the heavy crowd. When simply by chance I raise my eyes, as the masses parted, and there you were. While having you my sights I lost track of my steps, and as your image drew closer my mind stood still. My path to you was cleared of all the moving bodies that no longer mattered, as if fate wanted your beauty to never leave my sight. I now find myself standing within my voices reach to your ears, so I call your name. The moment your eyes found mine I lost my breath. Your beauty was as I remembered and your voice, the sweetest symphony I’ve heard as your lips moved. I found myself lost, within a moment lost in time. A sensation long forgotten now flowed through my body as we exchanged words. The crowd no longer exist, the sounds of a mall full of life, no longer reaches my ears. I find myself trying to move on to my destination, but I long to remain with you. The minutes march on unnoticed, for as you spoke nothing else mattered. But as I walk away I smile, only because we have just experienced a moment lost in time. A moment that may have been lost, but will never be forgotten.

h your body you caught my attention; I turned my sight towards your direction. With your eyes you mesmerized me; my stare was locked those mystical orbs. Your voice fell so sweetly upon my ears, and lost within your words I became. You walked me out of the shadows which my heart was lost within, and open my soul to the possibility of a new treasure. A feeling that has been so long ago lost it has been forgotten. Now I feel this new sensation and wonder, as if I was a child experiencing my first kiss. In one moment you entered my life, and in another you changed it. Yet I find myself luckily unlucky. I am lucky enough to know better, and unlucky enough to have found someone so wonderful; and still know better. For I know that you will never be mine, nor would I be able to capture your attention long enough to obtain your heart. Yet you have shown me that I could still feel, that passion can still come forth from within me. I’ve searched within you, maybe deeper than you would have wanted. I’ve looked passed the pain, and discover the wonders that could take my breath. Your drive pushes me to be more, when I don’t need more. Your smile raises my spirits, and even more so when I know I’m the cause. To listen to your words, sparks my imagination to the wonders of your life. I could love you; deeper than any ocean. Simply because I find you more enchanting than the stars on a perfectly dark night, and more alluring than Aurora Borealis (the northern light). Still I must hold myself from loving you, because your plans and fear keep you from holding me closer.