Find me,
Not in your world, But in
mine.
In this world,
This solid piece of subconscious,
Time slows down and lets me breathe.
I am in the womb again, secure in the motherly forces around me.
Break through. I dare you to even try
To **** me inside
Just like you did so many times before.
I am untouchable. Take me as I am.

In the deep, dark corners of my mind lies a monster.
I try to hold it back,
But it rips apart my life, my love,
My heart.
Then, just as quickly as it came,
It is gone,
Leaving me to explain the damage it has done.
The beast lurks nearby in the shadows, waiting for another chance
To tear me down, and **** my humanity.
This is no mythic dragon, with scales that shine in the sun.
It is all too real.
Blood-drenched, hungry, it stalks my every step,
Until that day when it will finally pull me under and end it all.
And on that day, I will no longer fight,
For with my death will come its demise.
And the world will be better for it.

I’ve seen you and your paper smile,
Trying hard to tape up every rip
And smooth out every crumple.
Careful near that water;
You know how you tend to fall apart.
But the thing about paper is
Everyone can write on it,
Crease it,
Sign it and
Read it
Until it is not a piece of paper,
But a testament
To a lack of self-respect.

Talking to walls, befriending floors;
These are the things that get me through.
But now walls shrink away, and floors groan at my passing.
I am not welcome in my own house.
I say “house” because I am aware of the connotation of “home”.
Home is safe. Home gives solace.
I am not safe in this place. There is no solace.
My death is in the darkest places.
You weep at these words, yet I welcome them with open arms.
For the death that I seek is not one by beast or man.
My death shall be a death by will.
As I force the life from my body,
And watch the haze overtake me,
The door will close, and the world will forget.

I looked in the mirror today.
I saw nothing out of place:
Dark circles, pale skin,
Dead eyes, full to bursting with a lack of life.
I did some soul searching today.
Nothing seemed wrong with me:
Self-loathing, depression,
Suicide.
Cause, effect,
And solution.
I saw you again today.
You looked as good as ever:
Same pain, same hate,
Same desire to end the disaster.
I looked in the mirror today,
And told myself that it would all end
With one quick pull.

I’m told that every day that I live is a miracle,
So why don’t I feel like one?
And who are you to tell me that? What great accomplishment do you count it to rise once more from bed?
Don’t put me on a pedestal.
It pulls me down
Below you.
Your spotlight, brilliant and blinding, prepares the world for a star of the stage. I am merely
A supporting role.
I deserve to be
Just another person.
You think this chair creates a divide. Do you not see yourself in me?
I live, eat, breathe, sleep.
When we sleep, do we not all dream?
I laugh, cry, love.
Do we not all love?
I will one day die.
And when death comes, are we not all the same: frail, weak, timid?
So don’t tell me, “You’re special, brave, an inspiration.”
I’m so much
Less than you make me.
Look past what I am,
And see who I have been all along:
Your reflection.

“How much can one man do?”
Ask me when my time is up, and I will tell you.
I haven’t finished giving, learning, teaching, yearning:
Giving my all,
Learning to love,
Teaching what good can come from a single man’s heart,
Yearning for unity.
I don’t even know if I will reach everything there is to reach,
But you’d best believe I’ll try.
I’m not content with standing still,
And watching clouds go by.
So, “How much good can one man do?”
Feel free to find it out.
I am too occupied with doing good
To find out for myself.