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Not that i claimed to have really known u back then 
cause even then i had not the slightest clue
 but theres still something about u i tend to defend 
..that simplistically complex creative beautiful truth 
Enigmatic at many times,
but not frighten instead keen
 magnetic with my smile 
some may even call it incomprehensible obscene 
Fraudulent but fragile for i love and hate at once
 mellifluously i beg for my own sanity My mind, my heart disputatious ...lacking complete clarity
 Still i feel as though i knew me better then in comparison to now awe-inspiring,
and inexplicably My distorted distracted me is wowed
 For ive come to realize i know me less today this person ive turned out to be... 
nothing short of decay
 ...Contemptibly delighted to say is me
I am not easy to get, not easy to forget, adored by so many, hated by plenty, artistic and lively, fake smiling, persuaded by lust, underestimated much, intelligent and cunning, never to welcoming, lonely and frighten, obnoxious and whinny, political and opinionated, sexually stimulated, random in lifes journey, unconcerned with others worries, a liar and a theft, innocently sweet, always making no sense, not easy to convince, undefined, uninhibited, playful and imaginative, hard to love and loves so hard, listens to sad strings of guitar, unreliable and understated, always cold and simply jaded
Sad and confused Dont know what to do what to choose I thought we had things figured out, ready to go. but after all ur words once again, theres nothing to show I depended on u bc u promised everything would be alright. Now im standing w my things packed, chest tight I dont wana leave bc these emotions ARE real, but life is happening, no matter how we may feel But ur not even that person i fell in love with anymore. Its too bad ur letting that **** walk me right out the door I just hope one day me and ur boy have a lil more worth in ur life, and u actually do whatever it takes to make things right ...and if not, then ill pray that things for u get better ...we'll miss u.. Love, This Last Goodbye Letter
Here..there...feel chills from these cold stares. Standing straight up, i follow his path laid out for me. Good, bad, but who i turned out to be. My struggles keeping me strong, hard headed, I stay doing wrong Funny, huh, never thought I'd be hitting that pipe. Always thought i was different, not that type.Should've known spontaneity runs through my veins, and I mean, people do change. But all along never oblivious, just intrigued by what it could be and everything it already was. Lessons learned...hard and plenty Mistakes made...large and many Still learning because u never stop Will staying powerful, cant let that drop Reality cutting bone deep, figuring out that i really am just a creep Dukes up, prepared to stand up for who i am... Not pondering what i cant change but focused on what i can. Wise beyond my years thanks to long nights, sweat, blood and tears. Legs hurt, I've walked some rough miles these days its hard for me to even smile. Green thoughts and Crystal thinkin' Eyes wide open barely blinking Yeah some will hate, but i wont hold a grudge I handle mine, but go ahead and judge Perfection is a concept we'll never comprehend so I accept my flaws and don't play pretend Don't know how to be fake , I was bred to be real and I could really careless how that makes u feel
Was addicted to methanphetamine when I wrote this
Been trying to ignore what month it is, the one I hate and would never miss. I know I'm not the only one... Still hurts, but keeping busy so it's not as tough. Back in Cleveland, this and that's changed, but you know how "home" is; pretty much the same. Ashtabula still has ****** weather ^_~ I don't know why I check, guess it's habit or whatever Sometimes I feel like you come down to visit me... Its cool, I like to imagine us chillin' Laughing, smoking, having a few brews, listening to good tunes, ranting on about lifes truths and blues....really fkn miss you Anyways, birthdays right around the corner, you know I'd never forget...hugs and kisses til we talk again old friend.
R.I.P. RYRY
so i was thinking about u today.. those gorgeous eyes, that familiar face. and i was wishing i could get up the nerve to call, to just spit it out, to just tell it all. my hands started to sweat, and i couldnt help but regret, every kiss i didnt give, every lie u couldnt forgive, all the love i love yous i took in vain all the sadness, all the pain to have u once more, i'd be taking a risk but if you want a reason why i would i can give u a list the way you say "hello" that day we played in the snow the nights u held me tight the times everything u said was just right how everytime i think of forever its you i see, and how nothing in this world means as much to me
My Ryan
...miss u every single day
sgwoosh_ --^-Sgwoosh--^-sgwooshiver♡ --^-Sgwoosh--^-sgwoosh-quiver♡ --^-Sgwoosh--^-
*
*An abstraction of Life
Black & White
                                      Off-Center Right
In two dimensions--
Into Dimensions--
In Ultra-Sound*

*
sgwoosh
♡ --^-Sgwoosh--^-her handsgwoosh♡ --^-Sgwooshin my hand--^-sgwoosh♡ --^-Sgwoosh--^-♫*

*Heart of Light;
Soothing sight
Rhythmically bright.
A Light-Hearted presence,
Budding essence....
Intention unwound*

*
sgwoosh
♡ --^-SmileSgwoosh--^-♫sgwoosh♡ --^-warmthSgwoosh--^-♫sgwoosh♡ --^-Sgwoosh--^-♫sgwoosh♡ --^-Sgwooshamor--^-♫
For the two Loves of my life.
The shine of the blade,
The slice of a knife,
What a double- edged sword,
to end a depressed life

The magnificent red liquid,
Falling to the floor,
What a glorious night,
To knock on hell's door

No whimpers or pleads,
No hello's or goodbyes,
No regret or sorrow,
Not even a cry

My heart is replaced,
With a dark, miserable hole,
That once had held,
A daring soul

For I have seen,
The reality of life,
Soon to be ended,
By a beauitful knife
We welcome you to the Shadow Realm,
Where we’ll show you how to feel.
So say fare-thee-well to all your flesh,
There’s those who like to peel!

We’ve seen the holy sin.
We’ve seen the just descend.
We killed in the beginning,
And we shall **** until the end!

Welcome to the Shadow place,
Where not one wound will heal.
It’s not your soul we’re after,
It’s the rest of you we’ll steal!

We bathe in blood and tears.
We relish in your pain.
We’re aroused by all your horrid fears.
Your madness keeps us sane.

Welcome to the Shadow Realm,
To where you’ll come to rest.
We ask that you have a heart,
So we can rip it from your chest!

We’ve made strong men crumble.
We’ve made fighters fall.
We’ve made runners stumble.
We’ve done it all.

Welcome to the Shadow Realm,
Where none have dared to tread.
Our roads are paved with polished bones,
And adorned with severed heads.

We cackle at your torture.
We chortle at your grief.
We caress your insides with our tongues,
And feast upon your teeth.

Welcome to the Shadow Realm,
Where we **** your every joy.
There is no chance for you here,
Where your organs are our toys!

So settle into mayhem.
Get cozy with the strife.
Say ‘hello’ to torment,
And say ‘goodbye’ to life.

Welcome to the Shadow Realm,
Where we show you how to feel.
It’s on no map nor tour nor cruise.
It’s your fear that makes it real!

And so you’re trapped in the Shadow Realm—
Where you’ll be ours ‘til the sun burns out—
But since we live inside your head,
You know what we’re about!
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