I feel horrible
I'm functioning normally but
my head feels weird

I'm scared the world
would go
          p
t  o        s
                      y

t
                               y
u      r
                  v        

again


I'm tired
I don't know why
I feel like I'm at sea
The waves washing against me
I'm bobbing up and down

I just want it to stop
the fear of it
the cloud of it
**it

Waiting it out

Inhale

Exhale

And suddenly you believe in miracles and magic again

There is always hope
no matter how dim the rays of sunshine
hope is ever present
and one must never give it up

Look up
See that stretch of blue sky?
Isn't it beautiful?
That is hope

Place your fist to your chest
Feel that heartbeat?
you are alive
That is hope

Look down at your hands
trace the creases
you are special
That is hope

Now look in the mirror
behind those eye bags from lack of sleep
behind that watery smile
behind all your cuts and bruises

You are you
you are human
you are alive
and you are a catalyst of infinite possibilities

*you are hope

Do you know what is worse
Than for someone to say your music skills are bad?

That your music is dead

Skills can be perfected with practice
But once the feeling is dead
It's dead.

To my ears they sound fine
They sound like it's full of emotion
But
My ears are faulty
Like how I always search for a minor key
To every major song first

When I compare the sounds
Of mine and others
I can clearly hear the contrast
It's scary
It's like my fingers cause decay
To the piano

I can play all the black keys
And my music would still be flatter
Than it

They say music comes from inside
I guess my insides reflect a dull aching flat echo
The emptiness rattles through my ribcage
My music is dead
And so am I

Nobody told me that it's not normal
to laugh and then cry
two highs simultaneously

Nobody told me that it's not normal
to be hyper and confident in the morning
but sad and hating yourself at noon

but they told me
finally
when they saw

they asked why?
I don't know...

I know that when you hold that blade
You're just drawing lines
Lines for words you've been trying to say
To sit on.

You ran out of paper
So you made do

I know that when you watch
Watch the food wash down the toilet
You wish you could stop
But food just doesn't taste good
It's like eating sand

No matter how much you try
To lift the spoon
Shove food into your mouth
It's just going to come all out

I know that when you try to get a grip
You just aren't yourself
You have no control
Your mind is just on a rampage by itself

All you can do is silently watch
Behind the windows of your eyes
Watch others eyes stare back
And wish you could just shut yours

And I know
That when people ask why
You don't like it
Because it's either
the reason is staring you in the face
Or you just really don't know why.

I know that sometimes
You lie hopeless in bed
Curled up and hoping you never wake up
Or maybe you can't wake up
Because you never slept

That agony is real
So tired yet unable to calm down
Unable to rest.

I know
Or maybe I don't

The more poems I write
The more intense feelings I feel

I'm glad to see
the number of poems written
getting lesser
and lesser

That just shows
that the storm has calmed
and peace dwells in me
at last

I just stare into space
sometimes,
to make up for the silence
I put on the table

I create so many scenarios
in my little brain
but when my body gets around to doing it
I get stuck.

Each word dragging itself up my throat
My legs crawling with each step
I can't. seem. to. hold. proper. conversations.

Or at least conversations I hoped to have.

I often just repeat the same few topics
over
and
over
again

Because my brain has this thing
where it runs out of topics
faster than concert tickets
minutes after they are released

and I am left standing there
silent
desperately trying to come up with something
but I can already see that I am slowly losing you

Sometimes, I give up
It's either I walk away first
Or I just watch you walk away
//goodbye.

I'm sorry
I'm not boring okay?
I promise
I just have difficulty expressing
the colourful and vibrant
emotions I have
it's there...
just
wait for me okay?

I'll manage one day

Bringing yourself down
to our levels
and complaining about it
is just making a plain mockery of us.

I just wish
you'd consider it sometimes
maybe not everyone is as brilliant and talented as you...

There is this girl,
she says ily out loud
because I love you takes too long
because I love you takes too long
because I love you takes too long

Those three words
Are said too much
and sometimes people don't really mean
the full extent of those three precious powerful words.

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear

You’re tired you’re broken you’re cut and you’re bruised
But nothing’s too heavy just hold on, I’ll carry you

Take us down and we keep trying
40 000 feet keep flying...

If we only die once I wanna die with
If we only live once I wanna live with you