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JRL Jul 2023
v1.
**** the meritocracy
Saturate the ranks with ignorance
Put your precocious notions to rest
Earning no honor - this is the death of thought

v2.
The claim is equality
but suppression and abject discrimination reigns supreme
The gods of narcissism and pride overwhelm
Deception is the accepted norm
No regard for truth
       No regard for truth
              No regard for truth

c.
Fear is the beginning of knowledge
Fuel fear - be silent and know:
We are one nation under God.
The beginning is here, the beginning is now
Death to yourself in regard for truth

v3.
Separatists.
The elites claim love, but greed fuels desire
No satisfaction in embracing the lie
Disseminating egregious lies to the young and vulnerable
A millstone awaits your fiery eternity
     Death to yourself - no regard for truth
Written on 7/14/23
Affirmative Action was struck down on 6/29/23, declaring race cannot be a factor and forcing institutions of higher education to look for new ways to achieve diverse student bodies.
JRL Nov 2019
******* and your pretty little face.              You led me on.
          I thought we had something going.
How could you do this to me!?
                                            I never knew this side of you. I hope you die.
         ******* and your pretty little face.

You pulled every heart string I had.         
                                         I gave you everything, my honesty, my love.
All you did was take take take this suburban heart of mine.        
                                                                           Only to throw it all away.
Now you’re all alone.

No one hears you cry in the dark of night

No one knows your name anymore, and I don’t care
    
                      You scream out! Now there’s no one to hold your hand.

There you are sitting alone avoiding fleeting glances in a sea of apathy

You think you know what’s best but you never gave me a chance
JRL Feb 2019
"If there's no meaning, there'll be no inspiration" ~August Burns Red
This quote is from August Burns Red's song Lifeline off their 2017 record Phantom Anthem;

This quote holds such deep meaning to me. When I first listened to the song in 2017 I was at a pivotal point in my life both personally and professionally. I was a non-traditional pre-med student working an entry level job in healthcare as a medical billing specialist. Setback on my MCAT scores were keeping me from acceptance into medical school. I was in a bad place mentally because I was hanging everything on the prospective job: my sense of self-worth, happiness, and professional identity. Yes, I was committed to doing whatever it took to become the physician I desire to be, but my MCAT proved to be the biggest hurdle in my pursuit. More than pushing myself intellectually and academically to do well on the exam I realized my tenacity wasn’t lacking but rather I was my own worst enemy in my ‘no compromise’ aspiration to become an osteopathic physician. I was self-limiting opportunities because, “it’s not in my plan”
My biggest mistake in the process of pursuing medicine was the blinders I held to my own eyes. It really started in 2014 when I began my first application cycle investigating medical school programs. From 2014 through 2017 I pursued entrance into osteopathic medical programs while studying and re-taking the MCAT. Osteopathic philosophy was the most attractive feature and captivated me as an idealistic pre-med student, I was convinced it was the most practical way to practice medicine. As I’ve matured and worked in healthcare now for 4 years I’ve realized I don’t have to compromise those philosophies. A physician is a leader who leads with conviction – osteopathic medicine was the movement, the subsector that I closely identified with, maybe not too dissimilar to Meyers-Briggs personality traits or horoscope sign descriptions.
More than anything in 2017 I came to terms with my faith as the driving force, the motivation and inspiration behind my pursuit and desire to serve others with medicine. I returned to my theist roots and pressed into my spiritual community which has since become the best decision I could make. Personally I have never experienced liberation like I have in admitting that I don’t have all the answers and I’m not dictating my own life purpose. It’s a relief to trust in a higher being that guides and leads me in accordance with His plan and purposes. My tattoo reminds me that despite my failings and shortcomings, I have a unique purpose and all I have to do is ask. No matter if I’m in the highest of highs or lowest depression I can look up amidst the chaos and know there is a God and he works all things for my good – given I serve, trust, and love him with all that I am and have to give.
Inspiration and creativity for me personally is contingent on my spiritual state and faith. When I get impatient and act in my own strength I lose sight of my own sense of purpose. In the fall of 2018 a thought came into my head – one that I said I’d never consider: applying to international Caribbean medical programs. At first I immediately thought back to my commitment as an undergraduate that I would not consider Caribbean schools even as a last resort because of the “stigma” and reputation. After seriously considering my options and researching different programs I realized the “stigma” was overstated, inaccurate, and exaggerated. After just 3 months of strong consideration I pulled the trigger and applied. I never had any doubt I was/am a good candidate for medical school despite my low MCAT scores and I wasn’t surprised when the invitations to interview rolled in my email inbox.
I’m overjoyed to announce that I received an offer to attend Saba University College of Medicine. I couldn’t have made it this far without the support of my community or without the inspiration from my creator who motivates me to live and love Him and others with all that I am.
JRL Sep 2018
Take me now!
So sick of living this way,
no pleasure or purpose because happiness
isn't worth living for.

The pain of existence is too much to bear,
but I've learned to thrive.

Lost, and broken, with a decaying life.
Numb to the pain that burdens the heart,
another lifeless body in the road.

It's the fear of knowing that everything we've
become is dead and complacent.
Who can know the weight of existence?

Speak the Truth!
See through the murky lies that permeate
our predictable culture.

A sea of Apathy: moral convictions mean nothing.
It's a thick suffocating smoke filling the minds of all who
breathe it in - in the end we are left with nothing.
2018; this piece could easily fit into a spoken-word progressive metalcore composition maybe Silent Planet style with more emphasis on the wording than musical technicality. This written work came from a particularly dark place in my life earlier this year feeling lost and purposeless. I'm back on track now! As it's been said before, "If there's no meaning, there'll be no inspiration" (~ABR)  and:
“Sunny days wouldn't be special if it wasn't for rain
Joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain
Death gotta be easy, ‘cause life is hard
It'll leave you physically, mentally and emotionally scarred" (~50 Cent)
JRL Sep 2018
"In this wilderness your bodies will fall - you will suffer for your sins and know what it is like to have me against you."

The guilty do NOT go unpunished!

Punishing the children to the third and fourth generation.
The promise remains - blood was spilled.

You will suffer for your unfaithfulness,
until the last of your bodies lies to rest.
Yes, you will suffer for your sins
and know what it is like to have me against you.

Banding against me you will meed your end,
Here you will die.

How long will you treat me with contempt?
I am slow to anger, abounding in LOVE - in your presumption,
I will beat you down.

Do not despise my word - follow me wholeheartedly and salvation will inherit the generous promise I made.
Numbers 14 (NIV)
parenthesis is meant to be a spoken word intro, chorus line is "The promise remains - blood was spilled" think progressive deathcore.
JRL Mar 2018
You are perfect, you never make mistakes . .
It's always me . .
You always try to fix me and point out everything I do,
Is there any grace?

Correction unto perfection . .

I don't want to settle for less,
But I'm giving my best . .  
And it's never enough . .
All I ever do is let you down . .

What must I do to satisfy you? - become you?

Can't I be myself, have my own life,
Make my own decisions, have my own convictions . .  
I'm old enough now to own what I believe,
I'm not disowning you, but we won't agree on everything . .

I'm not a people pleaser anymore . .

There is responsibility on my part . .
Winter 2011
I don't know why 18 year old me loved the double ellipses instead of the grammatically correct triple ellipses; I was weird - still am.
JRL Mar 2018
You always tell me what I do wrong
. . point out all my mistakes

. . correction unto perfection
I don't want to settle for less but I'm
giving my best.. and it's not enough . .

What must I do to satisfy you?
- become you? can't I be myself, have my own
life, make my own decisions, have my own convictions?

I wanna live like I'm alive
Freedom (Free?) to be myself

I'm unique but yet the same as you.

I'm only human.
Winter 2011
Wow! Looking back at old hand-written journals really takes me back in time! I just turned 25 this year - reminiscing is a sweet thing.
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