My past is a demon, which continues creepin. My past is a ghost that's never leavin. My ****** up decisions, are hindering puttin a roof over our head, if I could change my past it would need many revisions, but maybe the best one is me bein dead. I try my best, I give one hundred percent, negativity got me reachin for a vest, mentality in a zone I might resent. I just wanna provide for my fam, get my daughter back, I'll do whatever, I don't give a ****, I'm gettin a place, I'm in the attack. My lil family is my life, I'll die to make it kosher, I know who will be my wife, I ain't on no ** ****

Things are real heavy weighing on my chest, try to breathe real deep, but can't even take a breath. Thoughts and possibilities are overcrowding my mind, baby mama moved out and my ***** might be doin time. It's hard to keep a smile in a life full of frowns, but happiness is contagious, so I guess that's why it takes the crown! It gives us a purpose, and a reason to thrive, gives us motivation with the option to strive, but that's just it, an option, a possible reality or maybe just another mental concoction. How do we differentiate reality from fiction, well that's the question of life although it's a synonym of affliction. It's death with a positive spin, it's doin bad, while keepin a grin. Life is a learnin lesson disguised in a blessin.

It's the first time to feel these feelings sober. With no one to confide in, I'm realizing why I was burying them with a dozer. I dig a hole, throw em in and cover em with dirt, each layer slightly ridding me of the hurt, they are buried so deep, I never expected them to show. Time lapses as the layers are swept away, things were goin great, but the hurt begins to grow. Petals of insecurity begin to bloom, leaves of communication begin to die, the light  turns gloom, it makes me wanna cry.

Sometimes I feel like nuttin more than a reverberation, a lost soul or a walkin abomination. I pray everyday for the sadness to go away, but at the moment happiness seems intangible and hurt is here to stay. My past taught me words are just words if there isn't any action, so that's why I'm used to positive words meaning dissatisfaction. I'm used to bein at blame, I'm used to bein called a ******* and everyone jumpin in like it's a game. It was mundane in my past for an argument to arise just so they can get away cause it was me they despised, but instead of tellin me how you feel or how things are, around your mouth is a seal, until things go too far. Without even realizing it you've caused a conflict between my heart, body and soul, while the stress of not knowin, what is goin on, is growin me old. You say everything is gonna be ok, but I can feel you hesitate, I can feel you drifting away as that infamous message continues to reverberate

"The past, is simply that, the past. Needin only reminiscent conversation, thought, and it's memories to define it's now intangible existence. The future: the steadily approaching notion of an end. The future is inevitable, but all the whilst, malleable, which in turn gives us the human right and personal authority to freewill. Futures catalyst of persistence, makes it's malleability the fundamental aspect of progression or retrogression. The choice is there for the creating, but be warned. Once the future morphs into the now, the thoughtless actions or lack there of, in that passing moment when the future becomes reality then becomes the past, cannot be rewritten nor forgotten and directly impacts your future. Perspicaciousness and bein nonprecipitative are omnipotent when contemplating the future."  - Me

Babygirl you are my everything, my all. I'll love you til death do us part.You've kept me standing tall, ever since the start. You gave me the greatest gift in life, our baby boy, I hope to one day make you my wife, if you continue to believe in the joy. You're all I want and all I need. The drug in me is you, you're why I bleed. I intend to further deepen your love for me, I'll never stop tryin, even if it takes me eternity, baby I'm not lyin. But if for any reason, you do stop lovin me, let me down easy, without any grief. I'm in it to win it and I'll fight til the death of me, just continue to believe. Cause as I sit back and puff on these bowls, I take a step back and visualize my goals. Long term, short term, and all in between and not one of them are without you, my love, my Queen. Yes I may take a few words from John legend and say I love your perfect imperfections

I've lived a suicidal lifestyle, never worried about the consequence. I've been in this mental for a while, just teetering on the fence. On a positive note, I've already fallen off, so we may not be in the same boat and for that you may scoff. I'll shoot you a lil info, I don't give a ****, a fair one, ***** you dunno what you in for, gonna end up with your jaw wired shut. You don't wanna wit me, I don't wanna waste my time, you will flee, I'll catch another felony, at the expense of not two cents but a ****** dime.

Yes ***** I am an angel, I am the devil, I've been through hell, so get on my level. I'm forward bound and goal oriented, but the block is where I can be found, turnt up and disoriented. We've all got our vices, we all have a crutch, whatever to suffice, especially splittin a Dutch. It can come as a powder, it can be in a pill, just never lose the power of your freewill. Furthermore, it's best to never assume, that your grip on reality can't be taken, cause at that moment you've been consumed, the altered thoughts induced hinder bein awaken. A powdered perception precipitates self resent, leaves the future in question, but a powdered past reciprocates repent, by revealing itself as a blessin. God works in a mysterious way, acceptin of your flaws, I don't fear judgment day, I lived with a cause

I apologize for bein me at times, causing your emotions to drain, committing relationship crimes, and causing you pain.
I have turned your sunny days, into gloomy skies, and I wish that was just a phrase, but I have lied, made you cry and for that I apologize.
Too long I've made you wait, to become the man you deserve, should have already met him before stepping up to the plate, but my own mind gets on my nerve.
The cliche states that it's mind over matter, which for a child is a great start, preparing them for the inevitable shatter, of dealing with a broken heart.
I gather the pieces off the ground, and put them in their place, not realizing what could have been taken.
Understanding what has been found, the genuine smile to grace my face, HE whispered Jonathan you're still an angel in the makin.