as a kid,
i wished that the fish i saw
in the pond behind my house
could grow legs,
and walk with me along the shore.

i wanted to befriend him
and play games that were meant
for things with legs,
i wished he'd want to play with me
because i wanted it so badly.

day and night
they swam in the same water,
round and round and round,
never leaving.

why did my family go on vacation,
and his didn't?
it wasn't fair they had to stay in the pond.

how could i invite my friend
out to play in the sand and the grass?
i didn't speak bubbles
like the fish on tv.

i could go in the water,
but i was much too big
to swim with them
among the lily pads and cattails.

i stirred up mud,
and my friend hid in the murk,
me must have been sad.

if he had legs
he could join me,
and i would share
the worldly fun
i loved so much.

one day,
i grabbed mr fish from the pond
and tried to play tag with him,
but he just flopped around
and got *****,
so i put him back in his pond.

my parents told me
mr fish would die
if he left his pond again.

that wasn't fair,
i didn't die
every time i left the house.

when winter came,
mr fish’s house
had an icy roof
that i couldn't see through.

i couldn't tell
if he left me,
without goodbye.

i waited for months
until spring,
and to my delight,
there was mr fish
among the april showers.

i took mr fish out of the pond again
to play with me in the rain,
and so we played
all day,
what fun i had.

he stayed in the water
as it fell from the sky,
it’s the same as swimming,
isn’t it?

my mom told me
it was the reason
mr fish died that day,
his eyes turned cloudy,
and he stopped flopping around.

who knew fun
could be so sad?

i waited
until his pond came into
my part of the world,
falling from the sky,
filling the air,
so we could share.

and yet,
so unfairly,
he left me alone
with a pond full of fish,
all without legs.

i didn’t understand
that is was me who
inflicted his pain.

maybe it wasn't about the legs,
or the fun we couldn’t have.

because my fun day
was his worst day.

i thought he didn’t like me,
i was sad,
i didn’t understand
that our friendship was never meant to be.

and yet i forced him
with such innocence,
and joy,
to face death,
alone.