As we walk to my best friend's house
My brother and I cross a bridge

He suddenly walks slowly
Like a penguin with a hunchabck
Closes his eyes a little
Steps towards the street

Tells me he is afraid of heights

I hold his 711 bag
And press my hand to his boney spine

We cross

When I can read
I am going to move to New York
Live in an apartment til I can buy a house

Toffer lived in New York
You should ask him about it

It snows there

I don't ask him about how he'll pay for it
All he need is to know how to read
Everything else falls into place after that

I believed in the easter bunny
And Santa
And god

There was chocolate in  church grass
A gift under a tree
And I pray when I am helpless

And one day you find out the truth
Realize parents are good at keeping secrets from you

Then they do things
Like drink themselves to near-death
Fall apart

And you see they are not superheroes
Thery're human

Makes me understand what it is to be a man

Vera once told me Mickey Mouse used to be a bisexual
That she can’t have kids
That I should never get old
But if I do
Don’t get diabetes because
Sugar free chocolate doesn’t taste nice

Her hair has that blue hue
Almost purple
It brings out her eyes

Her voice
When it is not overpowered by her walker
Is smooth and sure
Like sandpaper on velvet
She talks like she is already a ghost

I had a dog when I was younger
And he got sick one day
Really he got old
Something about his liver
And he started to bleed out from the inside
I asked the vet if he was in pain
He said no
Basically he got really tired
So he thought it was time to take a nap
And he went to his place
And never woke up
That’s a nice way to die

She smiles at me
I give her change
For the diapers
And the sugar free chocolate
And the 16 ounce bottle of orange juice

I touch her hand
It feels like that one time
Paper tried to be human
And begged you to play along

I played along

I don’t want her to die
But she’s 93
She’s cool with that

She tells good stories
And I know I won’t see her one day
I’m cool with that

I get so lost some days
I feel like I am rubbernecking lightning
Just waiting for the flash

And life is a Nissan brake-checking your awe

People say you can tell how close the storm is
By counting seconds between lightning and thunder
If you can see it
It is always close enough

I don't mean to romanticize everything
But it's what I do

The clouds look like scabs
In front of some bolts
Before they mesh back into the smooth blackness

I wish I healed that fast

I want to know if a venti
Will hold a tall can for my jog home

As I type the word “how” into my phone
Recent searches pop up
Only one starting with the word how

“How do I know if I am having a heart attack”

I skip the beer and run
Until my heart beats so much warm blood into my face
I feel the pump in my lips

If only someone had kissed me just then

Too much change
Is bad for your heart
Weighs heavy in your thin places
Like locking your throat
While the bags under your eyes
Pull their draw strings shut to keep all that trash in

No one wants to know what your ***** laundry smells like
Not even you

And so much this feels like stepping into yesterday
Wearing brand new shoes
Where no matter what
The only thing I could have done differently is walk away

You give yourself lists
Of I can leave after
I fix the car
And throw away all our old stuff
After mom comes home sober but still broken
There will always be something or someone
You forgot to fix

But you will walk away from this
It will feel like heaven
Leaving all the dirt behind

Only heaven is more or less a line of people
Wondering if they turned their stoves off or not

A long time ago
Unicorns roamed the earth

They were ugly
And dumb
And did not know fear
Did not feel the need to use their horns for anything

They were fat
They smelled bad
Like an open wounded staph infection

They did not even taste good
To other animals or humans

But there was this boy who loved to watch them graze with his pet turtle Rusty
He watched and listened

The Unicorns did not neigh so much as they screamed high pitch and breathy
Into each other’s mouths
They made no sense
It was beautiful to him that things that made no sense
Could exist without reason
And there be nothing wrong with that

Rusty would walk around them
A turtle’s pace
And graze
Occasionally bite at an ankle
It made him feel strong
To cause such a big animal pain
And slink away unscathed
No one will ever see the way such a proud turtle walks
As the way Sparky did
Head so high
His neck did not look like ******* skin

The boy also watched them die
Watched as the men in his tribe led them to a nearby valley
Where they would smash the unicorn’s head in with rocks
The animals just stood there
Not understanding what was being done to them

The boy felt like a unicorn then
When his father hit him
He felt dumb
Dumb in the heart
Dumb in the brain
Dumb in the body
For continuing to stay

The boy cried as the last unicorn died
His father said that soon everyone would forget that something so ugly lived
The boy understood
So he went to nearby caves
Where all the gay tribe boys go
Because in hunter gatherer societies
Boys who did not work were gay
They did what makes them happy
That is why it is called gay

In the caves he would draw the unicorns
He made them beautiful
And intelligent
With blood that healed wounds
And horns that if stabbed you
Would cause the most beautiful death

When all this ugly is gone
People will tell stories about us