You sound so beautiful
In the rhythm of your heartbreak

So regal in the words from the mouth
Of a giant trumpeted over the plains
At daybreak

The way the elephant stands
Ivory gnarled and precious
Perfect and rare
Like the words you spin from your ivory teeth

Sometimes only glinting from the
Corner of your coyote snicker
A bitter trickster
Playing the beat

And I am in awe
Expecting there to be thunder
From the pound of your feet

But you manage to muffle the
Roll of the rain clouds
So as not to scare the other animals into hiding
So we can all rejoice at the rain

Then the crack of lightning
As it strikes the temples of those
Who stick around long enough
To appreciate the burn inside

You are the regal sound of
elephant trumpet thunder
And the late night
Howl of coyote’s laughter

Knowing perfectly
That it’s your timing
That keeps all the other animals
Up at night

He stretches his arms in my direction

Hands limp and exposing his wrists

Eyes beginning to sweat

He says

“I think my hands are broken

Because they don’t know how to make things”

He begins to tell me how he imagines that he can draw

Anything he wants to

And when he puts pencil to paper

The lines don’t make sense

Or the sculptures he tries to build with play dough

Are mushy

And stupid

And shaped like the insides of his hands

Which are also stupid

He goes to punch the wall and misses

So he tells me that he can’t even break things

His hands are that dumb

Then finally

Because there is nothing left to do

He cries into them

And I wrap my arms around his thin body

And say

“That is a start”

Something about the smell of rain soaked pavement
Just after the storm settles
Just after the winds whip
My wet hair into my eyes

Something about the gentle slide of tires
Occasionally losing their grip
Because I get lost in the heavy thud of sky
Begging to break in through the roof
And I step a little harder on the gas pedal

The way the earth smells
Just after the storm passes
The way the palm trees regain their height
Despite the hurricane of your sighs
The way the water always finds its way back to itself
The same water that is on my lips will eventually be there again

And it makes me almost believe
That I might actually be able to come clean someday
That forgiveness is the rain pulling the dirt away
Knowing that once it leaves we’ll be ***** again

I tell you this as I drive with the sunroof open
And the windows down
My hand is out the window palm up and cupped
You remind me how stupid I am

So I let the flood in
And we both get wet
And while the rain runs down my face
I secretly cry

And just as suddenly as it started
It stops
I wipe my face and step out

There is something about the smell
Of rain soaked pavement
Just after the storm passes

I want to put my hands in your pockets

To feel the muscles in your thighs

And it makes me want to wear you like a crown

Until the weight of you doubles my back into tantric

And forces out of us the sounds

Of open windowed honeymoons

And shameful moans

Slipping through the jail of my fingers over your mouth

And it’s only shameful this time

Because we are outside

Please if you could

Keep the ***** talk going until

We’ve soiled the blood-money to sopping

In the imaginary world of the things you make me say

Guilty started once you took your coat off

We’ve shed this skin to sin

And now I’m just lightning

Stabbing at your thunder

What’s your name again?

You can make it up

I will shout anything you want me to

Into the darkness of wherever

I am open to anything

Promise

You don’t have to feel bad in the morning

I can pretend we never met in public

It’s not like I can take you dancing

I have two left feet

I won’t buy you drinks

You wouldn’t take them anyway

I will even look the other way

When some other guy dishes out

His disaster for you to break your bones in

He doesn’t mean anything anyway

Just know

I am probably sleeping alone if you’re not here

But I won’t always be thinking about you

I have just enough time on this earth to love you fully

If you let me love you now

There is an eternity beyond this moment

Where we can go our separate ways

But while my soul is still trapped inside this

Messed up mound of flesh

It would love it if you joined mine

Let’s be messed mounds together

We’ll look less like human beings and more like drying play dough

And when your skin is cracked and your marble begins to

Shatter and lose its sheen

I will polish you off until my hands no longer work

A lifetime isn’t long enough to make things better

But it’s all I got

So don’t keep me waiting

Because I will be there even when you turn into a child again

And those “oops I crapped my pants” commercials will no longer be funny

We can be children together

Helpless until we finally go our separate ways

But let me love you until then

You are more than second chances

And more than redemption

You are the mouth singing softly

The song of fornication

Grapes juice themselves when you speak

And turn to wine

Your voice is that illicit

You still my stutter to speechless

You

cruel lady

Are so careless with the hearts you impale with your heels

On the rare occasions you wear them

And please stop throwing your head back when you laugh

Or speaking so softly that I feel I need to move closer

I can’t get any closer

Not without knowing you love me

Patience is for people who have the time to wait

I have a lifetime

And it isn’t nearly long enough

There is this mountain

And this song that echoes through the valleys below it

Bellowing heavy and hollow

So deep that when you stand at the base

It fills your chest the way a bass drum does

Rather than mimicking the awkward music-less thump of your heart

It is constant

It begs you to find its center

Numbs you the way beer does

Breaks you down to this one feeling

Of forever

The way humming eventually tickles your lips

And you just can’t stop

Don’t stop

Just enter

If you ever wake up and find that I am no longer here

Know that there is this mountain

With a trail leading to its center

And it is humming the song of forever

Know that my carbon footprint is shallow enough

That the dirt my body turns into

Will fill it exactly

Know that home was never in cages

Not in dirt walls

Or wood walls

Or concrete walls

Walls do not belong in such wide open spaces

So if you wake up tomorrow

And find that I am gone

Know that there is this song

That anyone can sing just by humming

Until your lips go numb

Know that song is me

I never wanted anyone to love me

And I never wanted any more that what I already have

This whole time we’ve had it all wrong

And we never realized it

Keep the answers locked up like secrets

That we are too guilty to share

If the only thing my epitaph ever says is

“He was a good man”

I would have lived perfectly

So

If you wake up tomorrow

And I am gone

Remember the mountain

And its song

Remember it may be the hardest place for anyone to ever get to

But it feels more like home

Than any place ever will