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Jon Martin Dec 2013
Have you ever had really high hopes for a thing,
And then, when it happened, didn't know what it means ??
And you find your mind running to every extreme
But somewhere on the way, you just left the scene.
All these delusions, I call self-identity
And something that's lost, in the path, right ahead of me
Terrible nightmares, my own mediocrity,
Fighting for air, as I'm losing my sanity.
Hoping for hope, or for something forgiven
Losing my faith, or having it driven
There's only so much, one mind can envision,
And mine's all but full with the ***** I have given.
This terrible feeling called dying inside,
The sweet, sweet release of losing your mind,
These sharp, broken bits are the dreams that you find,
And sometimes I wonder, which one was mine ??
Jon Martin Jul 2013
It was like holding everything I'd been seeking,
It was like having a lost part of me asleep on the pillow
It was like a million lost dreams coalesced into the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen
It was like nothing I had ever dreamed
It was like nothing had ever gone wrong
It was like some gift, given by an uncaring universe, just to make sure I was ok
It was like I had never been awake, and every cognition was sleeping next to me
It was like I had never even known what beauty was
It was like a conspiracy of everything I never deserved
It was like watching everything I ever wanted walk away
It was like losing things I never knew I wanted
It was like pretending you were with me now
It was like forgetting your smell
It was like wishing I knew you...
Jon Martin Dec 2012
These are the moments poets write about, paintings waiting. Quiet city streets at sunset, building, highrise sentinels of man's unquenchable thirst for conquest, and all of us together under one sky, waiting.... This radio screaming in my ear, Bon Iver, Conner Oberst, the other poets that wander these lost, lonely alleys. Sun's rays fading, as city lights rise. The soft blue becoming the strange azure, that fades to my indigo incandescent familiarity. This nighttime refuge of lost souls, wandering the frozen streets, and becoming something more than the sun can make them. That soft, ragged, imagined power coming from within each of us, in the open darkness of a concrete river. Nothing has changed but the light, and the new light makes each of us something more than we were in the rays that preceeded it. There is nothing to take away, nothing to subtract, nothing to glean. Just this place, this almost-lostness, betraying in itself the proclaimed divinity of dark. Stepping back, without looking behind, not knowing that the fear in front of you cowers before the monster behind your back. Just. Live. Be, let the being become you, and embrace this inner-self so few have seen, so few have touched, so few have truly loved. realize that all things wear a darker form, and the things that lay in wait under these city streets are dangerous. The way a chainsaw is dangerous in the hands of a child. There is no way to know who will get hurt, and once the chain of events is initiated, there is no way to safely remove the weapon from the hands of the naïve. Things that bite, hiding in dark corners, and laying wait for the lost, weary, and heartbroken. Lighted hallways, entrances into the other realm of indoors, torch-lit passages into forbidden and mysterious kingdoms. Every stairwell lit. The bannister to the lower, and upper, a stripe on walls as I drive on. Two million bulbs of nightlight security, and still this city finds shadows in which to hide fear. Dark corners for the lonely, and blind alleys for the lost. Every heart beating, fresh hot blood, and no warmth to share. Scared and alone, wanderers all, until the burn of the light we call home beckons us there. This passing of time, a gift, from gods unseen, and hands unheld. Colded fingers for want of a lovers touch, or the precious gift of familiarity in a foreign land. Alien landscape, and this, my unfettered direction of ambiguity. Directionless wandering for want of a chosen path, and no choice but to take the offered road. The fear secondary only to the loneliness, oh that curse that comes again.
If you want to know what my writing process looks like, check back. This will be chewed on over the next several days, or weeks. Revised and changed, until I like it. I wanted to show my writing in the rough. This is the painter's art, on raw canvas....
Jon Martin Dec 2012
I don't know what to write anymore,
This boring list, this loathsome chore.
Letters to words, and never sent
With no question what they meant.
No way now to see the trail
Of where those words went off to sail
Catch them now, or forever gone,
One more line for which I long.
The forever phrase stuck in my throat
Lies the poets flattened note.
I worry that the journey ends,
And then the muse, salvation sends.....
I've tried to title a poem this for YEARS. It finally happened, just now. You saw it here, first, folks.
Jon Martin Dec 2012
I can't bear the weight
Of all these things inside.
The rivers made of all the tears,
That I still haven't cried.
The dreams that haunt my longing
The fears that I can't see,
The mountains all are lain to waste,
And all that's left is me.
Jon Martin Dec 2012
Mind bent - Mood altered
It's all because of you I faltered.
Needle digs - ease the pain
Feel the burn, forget the stain.
Morning dawns - Daylight starts
With stolen dreams from broken hearts.
Jon Martin Dec 2012
As the music starts, these songs I feel
This dream I've lived becomes too real.
I look inside, so deep within,
And see that's not what I have been.
The fears, the hurt, the pain, the loss,
Are not the toll my life has cost.
When all this time my heart's been blind,
As tears well up, behind closed eyes
I finally begin to see the true,
With eyes reopened, and renewed,
Looking now with brand-new sight
So ends the tunnel, comes the light.
But now I see it, deep inside,
So many things, so much alive.
I've tried so long to start to heal,
As the music starts, these songs I feel.
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