Pens scattered with lack of ink
paper torn, its hard to think

mind so scattered, heart so torn
my clothes are ***** and my shoes are worn

ive lost so much in this deadly fight
against no one but me, myself, and i.

like my focus on the things i love
the meaning behind warm human touch
my strength, my sight, my will to live
the nervousness before a kiss
my vision
my dreams
how it feels to spread my wings
and ride the wind without a care
because though i didnt know where i was going
i knew God was taking me there

this clock keeps ticking, driving me mad
my head keeps spinning as the seconds pass

with each new second
i recall another mistake from my past
i want to use all my strength left
to break this **** glass

bc the ******* the other side of this mirror
looks much too unfamiliar.

They say to look inside yourself
to find out where to start
but its all empty
except some tired lungs, a drowned-in-liquor liver
and a shattered heart.

ive got nothing left to give
i gave it all away
to all the things that promised
to take away the pain

tried to find myself
in the bottom of those bottles
and the pills that i would swallow
and all the smoke that left my eyes red
lungs gray
and mind hollow

i lost myself in the journey to find me

i guess sometimes we have to learn who were not
before we figure out who we are

i learned that i cant find myself in the things that destroy me,
but rather in the things that build who i am

like the worn pages of my old bible
the words of the songs that make me smile
like the hands of a loved one who never let go
in the spaces between their fingers, where i place my own
like the song of the birds, soaring through the sky
promising i will get new wings

and again i will fly

I thought i would miss you more

but then i realized just how much you weighed me down, and just how much fun flying was

and letting you go became the easiest thing to do.

I feel like I'm talking to a child when you refuse to tell me things
"Please baby, use your words. I cant help if you dont speak."

You say you dont believe in love
but i know that thats a lie
you're just so scared of what it can do
when it creeps into your life

when problems come,
you always just turn you head around.
You run away from things that scare you
and claim they cant be found.

Its not my fault that you cant love
Its not my fault you're damaged
I wish i had listened when you told me
that your disbelief cant be managed...

I wish i could take back all the nights
that i cried in your backseat
searching for all the words i couldn't find
to make you fall in love with me.
"Just because you havent seen it doesnt mean it isnt real."
i said while looking intently for words to say
like you had a sickness words could heal.

but words cant heal,
and love cant reach
a heart that doesn't believe.

Kiss me the way the sun softly kisses exposed skin in southern California.

Touch me the way the waves passionately touch the shore.

Whisper in my ear the way wind whispers through bare trees in the winter.



Love me the way I've been scared to love

your voice when you tell me you love me
drowns out every negative word
from my past loves that haunt me

your fingers when you touch me
heal every wound that my past loves
have inflicted upon me

the truth in your eyes when you look into mine
rekindles my trust that was nowhere to find
after all my past loves
and all their careful lies

my heart didnt trust someone's hands
to piece me together
when all I've ever been is torn apart.

but your
truth
and sincerity
and patience
and your love
has breathed life into my once tired, broken, heart.

Tell me how to fix things
tell me what to do
cause all that i feel good at
is disappointing you

what words must i say
what rules must i break
what prayers should i pray
to make you want to stay

i want to apologize to myself
for tricking my mind
into thinking that if you left
it was no one's fault but mine.

i want to tell my heart sorry
for telling it lies
saying i'm not me without you
like morning without sunrise.

i want to promise my body
it was beautiful before
you told me it was
and it will be forevermore

i want to open my eyes
i want to make myself see
i don't need anyone
and no one needs me

i want to wipe the tears from my cheeks
that contain hopeless unrest
'cause your touch isn't the only thing
that will feel so intense

i want to silence my lips
that still scream your name
because without your lips on them
they'll still be the same

i am still me
my heart still beats
my body's still beautiful
and my lips are still sweet

i have no reason to cry
from my now-open eyes
'cause even when you're gone
they still shine bright

with you here, with you gone
who i am remains the same
although your arms are my favorite place
if you let go, i'll be okay.