I cry because I lost my time
and you cry because you found yours
but not where you wanted
and now it’s almost gone

the full moon grins
impishly, and mocks
you for a fool

and his smile for me
is that of an old friend
another of many less-than-noble
men who beneath his gaze
have acted lies and whispered
them in woman’s ear

and with the soft caress of laughter
my spine tingles and my hairs
stand up, ready to run
at the first sign of trouble
because if joy and terror
share the same physical response
what does that tell you
about being happy

simply this:
the first law of the universe
is that everything is always falling apart

it comes in waves of
ecstasy and awe and
I remember so clearly
every tiny quiver of
my restless heart
beating belligerently
against your chest
and your lips and
hands and the way
you held my face
as though it was
something to be
treasured. as though
it was something
beautiful, precious
and I wanted to
cry. because you
are so beautiful and
I, I am so human
and I know I’ll only
ruin you. ruin this
and it matters
so much that I
feel frightened as
I hold you in my arms

yes, I say, sing your
song of normal, and tell
that to the young
woman, small and
narrow, almost fragile

with the red x marks
drawn across her pale
white skin

who’s afraid to tell
because you might run
away, and all she needs
is someone to be there
in the dark lonely hours
of the night, when
all of the tiny voices

gain strength and learn
power over you

when everything inside
you cries to be released
to see the light of day
to be judged and found
forgiven

and the night cries
a low long howl, a
train across the tracks
in the dark shadow of
earth

and we laugh and cry
and I fall
and I fall
and I fall

and all the world spins
like a top on the grimy kitchen
floor, tracing spirals through
dusty time as I sink
through the hours
of another night spent

and i saw her eyes
drained
of their blue

blue washed away

like dirt
like love
like the tears that rinsed her eyes

robbing their azure kingdom
stealing its treasures
leaving only the pale

blue that makes you sad
sad because it longs to be more
not a pale content with its lack of saturation
a pale that cries out for color

and finding none
knows only to continue
hoping against despair

a light in the darkness
a pale blue

cold like the skin of a corpse
of a thing once living
now only a shattered fragment
of what it once was:

Beauty

all
washed away by a river of tears
unending
until the Blue had all washed away
and Life deserted those pale eyes

and their bearer
undeserving of the grief that robbed her
undeserving of the litany of Man
of Woman

of Pain

as RNA polymerase
quietly unzips your
DNA and moves along
the length of your genes
and a bit of RNA
emerges and moves
through the cytoplasm,
after the snRNPs do
their work, of course
and your ribosomes
attach and tRNA does
its noble job fixing
to its anti-codons
linking the peptide chains
of the building blocks
of life

as all this happens
I close my eyes
and kiss you
gently on the cheek
and you smile a little

in an old house
on the floor
that moves
breathing with
the life of its
inhabitants

in an old house
on the floor
that whispers
silent secrets upon
deaf ears

in an old house
on the floor
that sees so much
pain
and the bottoms
of our soles

in an old house
on the floor
where gravity works
a little better
after 90 years of practice

in an old house
on the floor
listen carefully
you can hear the
trains rushing
over their tracks

in an old house
on the floor
I’m surprised
by the sound of
my heart

in an old house
on the ceiling
there’s a stain
where all the life
bleeds out of
my bathtub.

as I inhale you into my mind’s eye
I allow your beauty to sting my tongue
watching with awe as you wrap yourself
around me in smoky tendrils of memory
the burning gasoline taste of your absence
accosts my senses and I turn you away
but in a moment I will desire you again
I want you to surround me completely
longing for your scent and for your touch
softer than the warm night air

burning away into ash, I assail myself
the intoxication of your image is all I need
the dazzling lights of such a lonely city
and the hidden points of fire
which the sky longs to hold
obscured by the clouds of unknowing
and doubt and fear and every second
of not hearing your voice

ascending to the rooftops
I look for you on the horizon
wondering if every mile
is just another piece of me
that you’ll never have

in my dreams I am sprinting
through canyons deep and narrow
every crevice and cliff
a wrinkle in the face of glory
and as I fall, I weigh nothing
until the iron taste of blood wakes me

I am enveloped by a preoccupation
with your image, seared, burning like a torch
bright light amongst the darkness
feeling it flow in and through me
rushing out into the night air
a silent ghost; beauty that soon drifts away
your face disappearing into nothingness