i can't believe myself
i fell for your words again
but they weren't true
why can't i just forget about you
when i see your name pop up on my phone
why am i excited
you told me you missed me
but did you miss me
or did you miss someone giving you attention
i want to be with you
having you in my arms
watching movies all day
my lips are lonely
they miss the touch of yours
my hands still love for something to hold
and every time i see you
i go into this trance
and my eyes can't leave you
i want to make an effort to be together
but do you want to be with me
i try to delete are messages
telling myself there's no point in trying
but every time i do
your name comes back instantly
i thought only little kids played games
but here we are
playing a game of charades
seeing who can guess who loves who
or maybe we're racing to see who runs out of love
the scary part is
you're almost out
and my supply is endless
so i guess you win

im sorry I couldn't keep my legs closed - im sorry that his hand up my shirt and his lips pressed against my neck drive me to lose my last bit on innocence. I'm sorry that getting high felt too ******* good, but getting low felt even better. i put that bottle to my mouth and drowned in every last single drop.
im sorry that nicotine taste so good, i didn't think I'd get addicted. i just thought he'd like me better if i started smoking. just like him. I'm sorry that my heart is black and my future matches. I'd burn these thoughts to the ground if I knew that i wouldn't love the pain. im sorry that I've stained the sheets, with my blood. but im lacking regret. I'm sorry I took a knife to the door but for a moment it was him; screaming, begging, pleading, HURTING. it was him, I ******* loved evert second of it. I'm sorry if you know me now because traces of me as the girl that I ever let a man touch me because the second I did I realized how ******* awful this world is. i don't make sense and im gonna puke.
im sorry for that too.

sometimes when I drink wiskey
i swear I can hear your court in the creases of my bed sheets
& i sleep on the floor.
i still catch myself running over things you've touched the most, looking for the echoes of your finger tips
i practice things i'll never say to you.
i remember the day you told me you didn't like poetry, how "everythings already been said" how "nothing meaningful can be captured without being chiche"
you know I don't miss you like the sun and the moon, i do not miss you like the tide bent waves crashing on the shoreline, but I mis you like a chernobyl swigset missed children.

and rumor has it drowning is like coming home, that drinking bleach can **** the butterflies in your stomach & I never paid much attention to an abandoned building until i became one