I can’t believe I have made it this far
Whether it be by blade, bridge, pill, or by car
I’ve had so many chances

I’m still here, but not for long
I can feel my pulse and it’s beating faintly like a song
Like when the person nearby has their earphones on, how you can barely hear it
I've had so many chances

That song, my pulse, it’s so faint at this point
It’s so difficult to live when all you do is disappoint
I’ve had so many chances

Yet look at me still going
Forging on into the unknowing
Taking it on, bit by bit
I’ve had so many chances

I can’t stand it when you’re near
I’m sitting down and you’re just here
I’m in constant fear
Constant fear of you

You’ve harmed me once
Threatened me twice
And yet I apologize to you

This isn’t right
Why can’t I feel safe in my own home
This place used to be bright
Cheery

Now I sit in this corner
This corner of fear
Constant fear

Why can’t you just get out of here
Why can’t I?

This city
So large
Yet so small

This city
Lost in a moment
Yet found the next

This city
This place I call home
This *****, ratty, lovely place I call home

I am confused,
So,
Very,
Confused.

I am lost,
So,
Very,
Lost.

I am alone,
So,
Very,
Alone...

I am on a downward spiral,
A downward spiral into nothing,
Nothing,
What,
So,
Ever.

I am unable to do this,
I just am,
I’m just not.

I don’t even remember a time,
Any time,
I just don’t.

I am confused,
So,
Very,
Confused.

As time keeps on ticking by and by,
I hold you in my arms as a mother would her child,
I can’t help but notice a twinkle in your eye,
I know not what thoughts race through that mind of yours,

Tick tock goes the clock beating past the seconds,

Tick-
I swear for the briefest moment time stands still,
I exhale,
-Tock

Tick-
I inhale, still holding tight,
We’re in bed together for one last night,
-Tock

Tick-
I can’t keep the time from passing through,
-Tock

Tick-
I give in,
I’m waiting; just for a moment,
It could be another second or a lifetime,
I just don’t want this moment to end,
-Tock

I thought I knew you, thought you tried, thought you loved me,
But who was I?
Who was I that was to be found, to be loved by someone like you,
Who was I?
I was broken,
I was used,
Turns out I still am, by the likes of you.

But who are you?
Who are you to tell me this, tell me that,
Tell me I can or cannot,
You hold me close, then just throw me afar,
I’m sick,
Just sick,
Sick of *******, sick of lies, sick of your ******* perfect guise.

I hate you so, I really do,
I swore to myself that I was through,
I swore, even though I knew, that I would just come back,
Come back to you,
You said you loved me,
Said it was true,
I said I did too,
I knew it was you,
Knew you were the one,
But you just got up and left,
Said you were done.

I fell apart,
I couldn’t take the fact that you tore my heart,
So I tore myself,
I tore myself wide open,
I made myself hurt,
Like you hurt me, but more physical,
I was in a denial,
I couldn’t handle what had happened,
I cut, I cried, but worst of all, I died,
I died,
Not in the literal sense of course,
But none the less, I died.

Then you came back,
Oh did you come back,
With your apologies, and your sweet loving embrace,
I couldn’t help it, my heart did start to race,
I felt that love, that passion, that fire,
My need for you was terribly dire,
I accepted your apology,
I didn’t think twice,
Then you did it again, but not so nice.

I couldn’t believe it happened again,
But now, thinking back on it now and then,
I realized you were to blame, not me,
You were to blame, for all the shame,
I did nothing wrong,
You were the one with the mental disorder,
Leaving scars and such all over,
You never physically hit me, but all the same,
You hit me where it hurts, all the emotional pain,
You said so many things, and you besmirched my name,
I knew that things would never be the same.

The cuts healed over, and so did all the other wounds,
My self-inflicted ones of course, not the ones from you,
I don’t know why you did this,
I still don’t to this day,
You came into my life, and left just like that,
You loved me then hated me at the drop of a hat,
I couldn’t stand it, apparently neither could you,
You just left me broken,
You left me without you.