Your eyes
I look deep into them as if I'm looking
Into the deepest depths of the ocean
And the slightest change of your emotion
Is like a fish flitting quickly about
And it reveals itself only for me to see

But now
Something has changed
Your eyes
Burn me and wreck me and break me apart
I look into them and see not love
But only the darkness seen from far above
By other people not inside your soul's sea
And the distance slowly breaks my heart

And now again
Something has changed
Your eyes
Invite me in their depths now fully opened
They reveal me the breadth of your thoughts
And I see the beautiful ocean’s deep as I ought
I reside for a moment in this blissful peace
Then I realize the fish are no longer swimming in

Your eyes
Empty now
Gazing back up at me

Complacently living in an unspoken word
Because letting it out is too absurd
And living with this is easier than
Falling and starting from where we began
Because I can’t acknowledge this trial
So I hide the feelings of which it’s compiled
Running from shame and running into it
No one is here to help block this conduit
I'm confused and unsure of what I can do
Relying on ideas I know are untrue
My emotional foundation is so unstable
Because I base all of it on you

Help me to be free.

I live locked inside a cage of culture
The box given to me by society
Circled at birth by my own ethereal vulture
Always stalking me ever so quietly

Help us to be free.

We walk through the same old mazes
As we laugh at the lab rats so oblivious
Knowing we’re so similar never does faze us
It covers up the reality far too hideous

Help them to be free.

You must understand the one release
The only true escape from this hamster wheel
A swift realization and blanketing peace
Understanding the truth lies not in what we feel
But looking within

Sets us free.

Just take one look
At the vibrance all around
Just one moment
To see the life in the ground
Enjoy those things
The growth below and above
Hold someone tight
Take them and bask in their love

It’s those heathen *******
Who have life so nice and easy
They go and find their broken lovers
But all I find is love broken in pieces
So what makes my life so **** hard,
And theirs such a ******* breeze?
I work so hard to play my part
And they get ****** in blissful peace
I’ll never have a sinner’s heart
But sometimes I can’t swim these seas
Though their soul is falling apart
Sometimes my mind needs that release

I have so much pain and so much rage
Toward the one who built this cage
But look, surprise! That person is me
And all the pain will not be free
Until I can grasp what makes it run
And forgive myself for what I’ve done
It just sounds like a regular time
But it’s very different, this pain is mine.

I must need only desire one release
But too many other musts and needs
Get in the way of my desired life
So my soul tips on the blade of a knife
Oh how sad the human condition
One big mess of love and perdition
Yet sadness drives us to change it all
To lose ourselves in Love’s faithful fall
We fall into that gentle embrace
Removing our mind from that sad place
Bringing us something new and unique
Not of the world, but what we truly seek
To repair our hearts and mend our minds
That needed release we desire to find

Have you ever gone around
The places up above
And lifted from the ground
The dirt we’re made of
Just examined its feeling
Its veiled vitality
And pondered the deep meaning
Its symbolic mortality
We’re stuck in this single plane
Existence without purpose
And a life less exciting
Not seeing the underlying
Truth that this life we live
Always has some more to give
If only we would look up
And look upon the stars lighting up
Vivifying the sky in all of its splendor
Attesting the glory of its creator

It’s like I want to be creative
But I can’t seem to be free ranging
Every way I twist and turn
The rhymes just simply cage me
In this box of indignation
My frustrated contemplation
Over something so enraging
As rhyming with enraging!
But I just dance and tumble
And all the time I stumble
Over that block of writers woe
As my brain is hooked up to a tow
I'm pulled in every wrong direction
And I get farther from discovering
And farther from recovering
From this writer’s block infection
So I’m left to search my consciousness
To remove that tiny pompous wrench
That gets in the way of creativity
And ruins all my poetic activity

What do we gain from all our endeavors
When all we can see is lost in the confusion
Of a cold and dying world divided forever
Between mindless love and mindless sin
And us hiding from the truth of wisdom
Hiding in the whole wealth of the world
The false prize, the deceitful kingdom
The dishonest end when all is unfurled
Ignoring the thought that drives us mad
The simple way out we all wish we had
The one big thing that can make us or break us
The one big thing that can fully overtake us
It’s a small thought in a grinding machine
Infinitely important, infinitely overlooked
The guide we need to keep ourselves clean
Trying to replace what the biggest lie took
Trying to remake the perfect imbalance
Always unguided and forever planned out
Trying to smooth out this world so callous
Blocking and shading the light we doubt
Never acknowledging that which we feel
Never acknowledging what is truly real

Religion’s constant undulation
The ever ‘holy’ consecration
Of the stereotypical faith
Strong but fleeting as a wraith
Ethereal things cannot be seen
And so true love is lost between
Acting it out professionally
Or giving it out abundantly
And genuineness is lost below
The weight of putting on a show

Letting people into this place I keep
Hidden away and buried so deep
Protected from all the things I fear
Protecting all of the things I hold dear
I just can’t let go of the walls around
That I set up so I seem to hold ground
Against all the prying eyes and questions
Of curious friends with good intentions
Wanting to see the window to my soul
Wanting to see my secrets as a whole

What does a lemming have but deep love
Among his lemming clan? And how
Happy they are, falling from above
Right next to their family and friends
They run and they jump
In one big fat clump
Falling to their scary, watery death
Not a fun plunge, but perhaps we can learn
To love like lemmings
Until we have nothing left

Too much shaking and rocking
Thrown about and filled with fright
Hallucinations talking
Flitting by throughout the night
Seeing things inside the eye
Filtered through a ***** grate
Too much fear kept deep inside
As my heart quickly palpitates

Falling down in endless depths
Falling away from what we had left
Floating to the sweet ending
Flying towards reward impending

Searching on the higher ground
This dislocation growing sore
Looking for what’s rarely found
Checking every distant shore
Tired of this lost confusion
Yearning for long gone affection
Such joy cannot be induced on
This soul run by imperfection
One can’t survive without love
Though it’s not always cloaked in light
So send out your spiritual dove
Search all through the black of night
Desire is lain all around
Free for anyone to find
Strewn across the up and down
As it has been for all of time
But true love is more elusive
It demands investigation
To all hearts it’s not conducive
Few uphold such dedication
Sometimes in darkness love is found
Away in shadows it resides
Even sometimes underground
Seek it with feelings as your guides

My false peace I’m emanating
I find myself closely equating
To your first time in acid rain
Refreshing then you learn the pain

**** my life I'm tired of this
Can’t wrap my head around my distress
I don’t understand what drives me mad
Maybe the memories of what I once had
Lost in oblivion now
Lost in oblivion how?
I’ve got enough stupidity for you and me
So be careful where you plant that tree
I can’t control my destructive ability

I wander through
This valley of mine
I'm looking for
The end of the line
When I am found
And I find my peace
When I escape
This awful masterpiece
That’s fueled by us
Made by everyone
These endless circles
In which we all run

You see her walking past your door
You see her lightly standing there
You imagine her sprawled on the floor
Picture running your fingers through her hair

The courage builds as you approach
The nervous sweat, the nervous choke
Yet pushed along by a hopeful hope
Of these feelings so strongly evoked

Striking up just a simple conversation
Slow at first then slightly building
Getting to know this lovely fascination
With stylish clothes and shiny gilding

By the time you’ve walked away
When you travelled home and relaxed
Peacefully possessing nothing more to say
It dawns on you the question you asked

In the midst of that idyllic interaction
Approaching the question of a real date
Your mind gave way to the risky faction
And now you’re feeling you can levitate

Now tomorrow is a better day
Looking forward for what’s in store
Suddenly seeing in another way
In finding the one you’ve been looking for

Time goes on and spring it blossoms
The nights out so fun, grow attachment
Each day knowing a feeling so awesome
In the ignorance of such strong entrapment

Lost in her warmth and her sweet kiss
Your eyes desiring her always nearer
Regretting in full each moment you miss
For even her beautiful scent you revere her

Now the times change and you feel autumn
Coming with warmth at night by the fire
You place her love deep at the bottom
Of the root of your heart and desire

But the warmth of the fire masks the cold wind
Blowing so icy through your perfect scenario
And now it reveals that which was hid
The darkest knowledge that is tearing you

You break at the seams when you see
That her love she was giving back so much
Was sincerity in only a small degree
And it was covered by the lies of her touch

She took your heart and smashed it apart
Acting so remorseless as she walks away
Leaving you lost to stumble in the dark
Now for her light to come back you pray

In full blast the cold of winter comes
You wrap yourself in whiskey and imagination
Trying to remove the chill from your bones
Destroyed and hurt by your wicked fascination

Slowly over time the wound seems to heal
You replace the pain with sharp ire
However this façade is never real
Sadness still consumes your soul in entire

Always searching for a better solution
You know your soul needs peaceful rest
Looking for a remedy to this contusion
Combing the world for only the best

It seems such long years hunting for
Peering down dark alleys and windy roads
The wisest of men you do implore
To give you that which for the better bodes

And appease this painful misdirection
Designed to find an end to the heartbreak
As if you are trying to cure an infection
But as much as you give still more it’ll take

Nothing less than a mighty act of will
Will rid yourself of such a dark memory
It cannot be achieved by some magic pill
You must look within, and heal so deep

The places she lived within your heart
Dwelling among your innermost emotions
You must find the spark that made it start
And not cover up, but erase the notions

That you and her could ever be one
Reconciliation of your broken mind
Realize that what’s been done is done
And know there is someone else to find

Always another person to **** their way in
There will be a girl to end your night
And implant themselves so far within
The winter chill eclipsed by the warmth of light

Then the next day after this epiphany
So fresh in your mind this new correction
Ever so softly the light shines with glee
Upon a girl who trumps the last deception

Now winter is gone and spring is in bloom
Taking her hand you know you’ve found
A girl who radiates the joy of high noon
Piercing deep into your heart’s underground

Cranking the gears so long out of use
Lighting your world as no one before
Swiftly this love abounds so profuse
Flowing so new from this girl you adore

Time and time again I reach
Reach for the simplest goals
And time and time again I meet
The same impenetrable walls
Nothing I could ever conceive
Brought forth from my pitiful mind
Would ever help me see past
These horrible walls of mine
Now I’m left here with the pain
Left alone to fester and grow
Hoping that one day soon will bring
Relief from the all this suffering
And the peace of some fleeting hope

Just pick yourself back up
Off the side of the road
Scrape off the clinging mud
From your torn up clothes
Don’t be brought down by your
Hardships or struggles or
The prospect of tomorrow
Keep on the path you follow
Never swerve or falter
For the life you live is
Yours alone, and it belongs to no other

It’s all relative it is
The good and the bad you face
All the challenges life brings
Should each be put in their place
Let nothing change your views
Take the good right with the bad
Don’t let their value be skewed
And just treasure all that you have
If all your life was taken
And you were left close to dead
What would you see as good then?
Simply a place to lay your head
So learn to love your own life
Find peace in its ups and downs
You will still find reasons to cry
But you will find joy all around

How can you fight so hard and suddenly
Take yourself so far away from me?
It’s just another burn to tack on
As my heart and soul try to move on
But the list keeps growing and the wind
Keeps blowing away the good you did,
And leaving behind the freezing tundra
Of a lost individual and the
Terrible silence of being alone
That deafening tone everyone knows
That deafening lull, a chip in the stone
That sinks deep down, to the core of our soul
Right to the source code that makes our mind think
And that drives our weak selves’ right to the brink
Right to the cliff, the option we all face
To dive and let go, to die in that place
Or turn ourselves around and try to start
The grueling journey toward healing our heart

To feel your touch and to hear your voice
Seems like such a simple entreaty
And to go without may so seem easy
But the smallest dose makes me rejoice
In the simple pleasures of a long
Lost life, caught up in this tidal wave
Of emotion, yet sliding around
The true face of myself, all my pain,
My concealed inward explosion.
The striking pain of independence
Leaving behind these many fragments
From another time, now just remnants
Of the person I can’t be, so much
Less than what I want to see, in this
Now void world, empty of your touch.

Everything we leave behind
That which fails the test of time
Purging that by which we’re confined
Fixing all that we can refine
But we can never reach the title
The distant goal which is our prime
Our efforts strike us as too wild
To reach that perfected design
But we are set on absolution
Cleaning out our deepest mind
Embracing this inward revolution
Seeking newness undefined

Not satisfying but still creating
A tighter bond by struggles gained
A relationship so undulating
Through the confusion and the pain
Always building and ever brought closer
To defining a clear connection
But the idea again turned over
So re-crafting a strong affection
This friendship never a paradigm
But like a seed in fertile soil
And all good things it comes with time
The result is worth the trials and toil

Ride this wave until it crashes
Ride until it burns to ashes
Practice picking up the pieces
Taxing though it always pleases
Visualizing the distant end
Eager to break things apart again

How do I balance all of this ****
Relationships that I don’t feel I merit
Alone times in rooms with no good purpose
****** up and ending in unspoken curses
How can I see what’s the right thing to do
When I am still tortured by thoughts of you
Your touch and your pleasure
All put together
Simply warm the deep part of my heart
Almost but not quite stop them tearing apart
Almost together, but I'm still not right

Pitiful person sitting here nursing
Wounds and infractions you stand collecting
Looking for something you know is a myth
Desiring to receive that so greatest gift
Love not long lost
What a long list and journey for you to find
A painstaking undertaking all to say ‘mine’
A ridiculous effort in too much time
Never understanding life’s greatest crime
Love is long lost
Collateral damage gone missing in the holocaust
In this world with pain deeply embossed
Sitting there gradually losing its shine
Just out of reach of our closed up minds

Occasionally the warmth of the fire
Turns into a searing pyre
And what I thought would warm my hands
Changes tones and forever brands
The fragile tissue of my heart
Torn apart by such a crafty liar

There’s too much emotion
Hidden behind locked doors
I can’t stop this commotion
Calling out from under the floor
These voices drive me out
Send me over the edge
Leaving me to dogged doubt
And forcing me up to the ledge
I find it hard to stay
Plagued with such an ardor
I can’t see the light of day
Each passing step just makes it harder

What went wrong along the way?
What did we do what did I say?
What made us both go insane?
What got lost inside our claims?
What idea disappeared?
What sneaking feeling did we fear?
What angel brought us so near?
What demon left things so unclear ?

My nightmares fill the air
The demons running free
Fingers tugging at my hair
Ruining what I might be
Terrified and yet amazed
Frozen solid in this place
Standing still inside a cage
Yet by nightmares being chased

As I look at you and watch you live
I see the love you freely give
Leaving nothing behind for yourself
You act nonchalant but I can tell

As I look at you I want you closer
I want to hold you and roll you over
Run your hair between my fingers
Kiss your lips and let it linger

As I look at you I watch you walk away
I look at the clock to count the days
Ticking down the time it takes
For my love for you to break

As I look for you and see you walking
Knowing the times that we were talking
Are a thing of the past you’ve lost
Leaving me to bear my own cross

As I look for you and I don’t find you
I know this path I always choose
A chance to strike then waiting to lose
The only thing I ever needed to find
To look at you and know you’re mine

The mysteries that so elude us
The electricity running through us
Conducting from a heart to a hand
Touching those near where we stand
Love in all its clandestine power
Flows through us like a *******

You never want to mention
That elephant in the room
But all of your attention
So fixated and consumed
Pulled to that thing you fear
The tension in the atmosphere
Falls into the in between
And the elephant is never seen
Only felt inside your mind
The golden chance you left behind
The prospect driving you insane
Tugging nerves throughout your brain
All you want to do is speak
Voice the simple thing you seek
But you can’t so quick give in
Just keep the elephant within
Build a passionate defense
As life is lived in slow suspense
Watching, waiting for the time
When the elephant is unconfined

The horrid monster that dwells inside
The phantom in our deepest mind
That deadly thought that we are not fine
Always blows up at the worst of times
The time when we look in a mirror
And see not a shadow but a shade
Are we not overcome by fear or
The desire that it must be changed?
Just knowing we have that demon
Crawling through our fragile brain
Sends us searching for easy freedom
An extermination with no pain
But this wonderfully quick escape
Is not found save through burning fire
And the refining test of faith
Throws this ugly creature on the pyre
And filters out our dying ways