up
B-re-- a]k \i\ ng  
Is hard
.


She asks me, “Why?”

Then comes the   L     o         n          g                  

pause.



I don’t have an answer for her
I think I do…
I don’t want to say
So I just stare
At her teddy bear,
Lying there
On the cold tile floor.

Its on its back,
Arms and legs spread

Like it’s  f  
                   a
                     l
                      l
                      i
                      n
                ­     g
                  
    Into a dark void,

        An unfathomable
                                     \             /
                                       \          /
                                         abyss

I don’t even know if it’s a girl or boy
But its stomach is bulging…
Is it pregnant, or does it have kidney disease?

Perhaps…
It is reaching the bottom of the pit,
Where falling victims meet poison-tipped s-p-e-a-r-s---

Maybe…
The bear is removed from time, captured in a still photo
[Paused]
During the moment of  impact
When…
Its life flashes before its eyes
And the spears begin to penetrate and pierce through its back,
Tearing, first, through the worn outer layer,
Once touched by loving hands
Then…
Stabbing through the puffy cotton insides,
Where a heart should be



   And          there
    The bear lies
       Without
      Any hope
Or    reason    to
       Live. It’s


           life



And I can only watch
          And feel
As this poor creature
Goes through its unbearable
                  Pain…

Of suffering, of dying…

On the inside,


I have no answer

Every day…
We walk

Every day…
They ring

        
***            ***
             ***                    ***
     ***      ***
      ***…      ***


Through the auburn haze of fall,
The piercing chills of winter,
The misty spring mornings…

The stubborn sound waves drill through the air,
As we trudge, scurry, and mall-walk.


***            ***
             ***                    ***
     ***      ***
      ***…      ***


Sometimes, I feel like they taunt me,
As I race to class--
My mind going faster than my body…

    s
    t i m e
C         r       ile            
   la  t  e           HomEwoRk!
      sses
           s


I can handle it.
At least I think I can…
Take it bit by bit,
Become more of a man


***!


For now, I just have school to deal with


Bummm!


And the reverberations of stress
Echoing through time


BUMMMM!!!


Oh, the bells of Doane College…

Merrill will never stop ringing

The master’s chain, a spider’s web
Leaves only stems
Bug trapped and taken
Then the fall comes
The bronze anchors drop
And splash into frozen water
Carrying the ship with them

i’m a nuisance,
warm to the touch
yet I’m bile,
releasing pungent fumes
reeking of filth
recognized but avoided
nothing
****
excretory waste
always
left behind

I moon at the trillions of twinkling lights
Scattered within an endless space.
Through holes of a blanket, they shine in the night

To fathom these ancient beings, so high
Is a custom of ours, a meager race.
I moon at the trillions of twinkling lights

We’ve pondered and gazed, so moved by the sight.
We’ve mapped and journeyed upon our world’s face.
Through holes of a blanket, they shine in the night

Seeking knowledge and truth, our minds take flight.
In time, perhaps, we’ll match their pace.
I moon at the trillions of twinkling lights
Through holes of a blanket, they shine in the night

It’s okay, we’re all the same
It’s money, power, and pleasure we crave
Do you want to play the game?

Just climb the golden ladder of fame
And defeat your foes with deceitful waves
It’s okay, we’re all the same.

Fun, it sounds, and thrilling its frame
To feel the rush of a rewarding haze
Do you want to play the game?

Come along, jump on the train
Go rung by rung, and others, don’t save
It’s okay, we’re all the same

The corporate sneers and stressful strains
Are benefits until the grave
Do you want to play the game?

Please, come and join the fun and pain
What’s real to us is not a daze
It’s okay, we’re all the same
Do you want to play the game?

The sounds are waving within and throughout my being –
They soak and seep below the skin and skull.
Into my brain, the blood infuses the hull
And breaches the mind with melodies so freeing.
Reverberations vibrate downward, beating
In time with cardiovascular booms and tolls –
A throbbing pulse, like stomping hooves of bulls
That charge through streets, to chase the fleeing
People of Spain – an adrenaline rush
Injected by vein, the song of reality.
If senses fail, will truth be cast away –
Released from the shackles of needy minds? I’ll hush
And listen and cry inside this fallacy
In sorrow and joy, I will sing and embrace the day.

What is...
A question
Language of unknowns
Fear and doubt clash
Time
Fades
A
Way
Answer
Learn, grow, move, act, live
Keep going

Inventors of the past
Curators of the future
Writers, speakers, dreamers,
Teachers of great potential.

They have read, written,
Shared the bountiful food of wonder
-Unable to be conceived-
Only partially decoded

Who are we
To take the reigns of such magicians?
To think innovative thoughts,
To uncover precious words
hidden by the legendary dust of rustic times,
To transform, evolve,
bend the titanium frames
constructed by gifted architects,
To be new
Defiant, different
Right or wrong?

Happy, how to be
Challenging, it will seem
Twisting and turning, roads will keep
Faith and love are the keys

Blank
Meaning
Unknown
Disorder
Influence
Effects
Affect
All
Human­
Being?

Today is a day
To start moving,

Turn on the engine.

To keep running,

Mechanical smoothness
Or click clanking jolts
Of shuddered operation.

Activity, ACTION!,

S l o w e d production, jam>^\med parts.
                                                
Restart or shut down...
...Neither...

r.....l......r......l........r..........  ­ |_            



Going somewhere?

I'm surrounded by darkness,
though I am not
afraid, scared.
What is darkness, but an overwhelming
entity, or Deep pit?

Have you ever fallen into darkness?
Just fell back, you and your chair:
You tipped just a little too far,
and time  s     l      o         w              e                     d
to microseconds
.0000001-?

      r              ail
... A  ms     fl    ing...
(a look of a frightful grimace on your face)
Almost an embarrassed feeling
of a certainty of what is about to come.

Unfortunately, you have predicted wrongly,
for you just keep falling, slipping into unknowns.
It is dark down there,
but you've seen darker.

The shock of the experience creates a false shimmer
of light, only created by your mind.
--Powerful tool, horrible weapon--

The feeling of falling
...A rough relationship with gravity...
What did we deserve to always be pushed down?

                                s
                        ­        e
                              s
                       ­   i
                     r
Your heart                your soul wants to join.



D
     O
        
        W



           N

A fun journey,
a fateful amusement park ride...
...
. . .
.  .  .                    
NO
.   .   .
.     .     .                                                              
Serious.

Where is the bottom?
IS there
      a

bottom?

Will rustic sPeaRs of IroN
anxiously await your company?
... Hundreds of hungry,
slimed slithering creatures...
Maybe a chilled, satisfying pool
of mysterious liquid...
Scalding lava, coals, fire...
Precious stones, minerals, dull and jagged rocks...
Flat concrete, can that be possible?

Have others fallen in this spot,
not a hole, but a space
in time?

Creatures, life, does it thrive
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                               there,
here?

Or just the suspected death?


Blunt wonders of the locations of
                      hell
              and
heaven                , perhaps they've got them switched around?


You think, but are simultaneously amazed
by your concentration...
Mind racing, or rather, f
                                           a
                                         l
                                           l
                                        i
                     ­                        n
                            
                                  ­         g


                                           Your mind is creating
                                            an imaginative world
while that world is           shocking, stimulating, and probing
your mind.

You've arrived!




welcome to the darkness

I
Am
Too
Lazy,
Crazy,
Scared,
Foreign,
Solitary,
Lethargic,
Despi­cable,
Disgraceful,
Hypocritical,
Lackadaisical,
Disillusioning,
­Incommunicative,
Incomprehensible,
Indistinguishable,
Compartment­alizing,
Moschellandsbergite
















19 years
Years to go: n/a
Change possible? Yes.                                                 Go.                                                                              Do.

So...
As
Disappointing
Some
Aspects
Do
Seem,
All
Die
Someday
And
­Die
Silently
As
Delicate Doers, Dreamers

Battling the incredible weight of eyelids,
Searching for knowledge, happiness, a productive purpose
Conflicting thoughts
Sway like the branches full of morphing leaves
On firm, yet flimsy trees
Anticipating a violently destructive storm

Darkness, a black blanket...
Covers the whirring sounds of uncertain  numbness


D
R
  I
    F
        T
               I
                                 N
                                                      G
Eyes closed

OPEN

close

             Open
c   l         o            s                   e

Drifting into a hope for tomorrow
Or today
4:27 am now

Sleep is a natural thing

openyoureyes
& c

life:

completely cOmpleX,

c e a s e l e s s l y     c   n   u  i   g
                                   o   f   s  n    ,

cruelly  cumbersome,

CERTAINLY crazy,

Courageously

                                                                                                                   Change   ( a b l e )   ,


                                      charming,
                                                                              caring ,

                                                                                                                    CLEAR!LY?




love