...and off I went...

on the way to nowhere.
Fogerty asked me a bit about the rain,
Floyd told me about money,
Henley was worried about some boys
       because it was summer,
Frampton kept asking someone
       to show him the way.
I hoped it wasn't me, I had no idea
       where I was headed.
Until I stopped to write this.
And when I got here
the Animals told me about a house
       in New Orleans.
On the way, between songs
I figured out the meaning of life
but I didn't think anyone would believe it
       or me,
so I didn't bother to write it down.
Now,
I can't remember what it was.
It will come back to me again,
someday,
maybe.
My eyes are on fire as the sweat
       rolls down into them.
I'm watching the boats cruise by freely
from the confines of my car.
I think of how my mind is like the water:
always changing
and it never stops moving.
As goes life:
the only constant is that everything changes.
...and it hit me again, just now,
the meaning of life,
and it makes sense to me, but you
       still wouldn't believe me if I told you.
I have to get going anyway.
It's a long ride back,
but not long enough.

No words are spoken
there they sit
alone, together
in a dwelling void of life
except for the two of them.
Noise spewing from the television.

She thinks he doesn't care
that all he wants is ***.
He ignores her, she feels
and they only speaks when they argue.
She just wants to tell him
about her day and how she feels.
She just wants him to understand
but she doesn't know how to say it.

He thinks she is avoiding him
that she is a boring *****
it's intentional, he feels
all she does is complain, then they argue.
He just doesn't want to hear
about her day and what's wrong
he just wants her to relax, stop worrying
but she doesn't ever seem to listen.

Commercials come and go
one show leads to another.
She gets tired.
He gets bored.
And nothing is brought up but
the negative,
if anything at all.
Another night passes,
more wasted time.
wasted youth
passes
as they sit
in that empty house,
alone,
together.

Many a night I've sat
alone
motionless
thinking, 'is this what failure feels like?'
no money coming in
bills that need to go out
no desire
no feeling of urgency
no control
and little or
no hope.
Everything seems so bleak.
I never feel rested.
Lately I have to force myself
to sleep just to sleep.
I don't feel tired
Just tired of being awake.
the money dwindles
the bills pile up
work is the same everyday
and I lay here
trying to sleep
just to do it
and this, this feels like failure.
but it could be worse.
I'm not dead
(though, I don't feel alive)
so at least I can write about it
and as long as I can do that
I have not yet
failed.

Something shifted.
The world got way from me and I
can’t stop the turning.
I look and see those I knew
I know
I want to know
and wonder what I’m doing wrong
       what are they doing better?
Or do I just not see it right? Am I
missing something?
I feel a void inside where memories used to be
       I can see through myself.
Can you see through me?
Can you see it too?
       There is no cover for such a space
and there seems to be no way to fill the void.
Memories are not created as easily as they
used to be
       and I have tried
       oh, how I’ve tried
but it seems there was a point where
my mind
just ceased working properly
       and
things that were there at one time
       simply
were not the next time. I looked.
Searched. Searched.
I still look back from time to time to try and find something.
Blurred images melting into one another.
Grayed out photos of life
       Darkness where color should be.
Everyday trying to remember
trying to fill the void to no avail.
All for naught.

Sometimes I wonder
why
I'm even trying.
So I take another sip from the bottle.
My life changes
depending on my mood.
I don't deserve this I
tell myself
I shouldn't be here,
I shouldn't be anywhere,
I shouldn't be,
so I take another sip from the bottle.
But, it wasn't all my fault.
Other people made choices too,
I tried to do my best.
I tried.
So I take another sip from the bottle.
I only made my decisions.
They are what's wrong with me.
None of this would have happened
if it wasn't for them.
I pour my revenge nightly:
glass by glass.
But the glasses take too long...
So, I take another sip from the bottle.
And revenge is
a dish best served cold.
I deserve better than this I
tell myself.
I should be somewhere else.
I should be somewhere,
but I'm not,
and it's all their fault.
And one day I'll prove it,
but right now all I have
is a cold bottle of revenge.
So, I take another sip from the bottle...

Another lonely heart's been broken.
If only those few words were spoken,
so the other knew the way
he felt about her everyday.
Words were thought but never said
and if they were it might have led
to better things than whats become
to the lives of both of them
…
some say “it’s the thought that counts”
or “a picture is worth a thousand words”
but I believe what really counts
is everything that she just heard
NOT the thoughts that were never shared
NOT the picture never shown
NOT the writings thrown away
for, she might be here if she had known
…
love’s a very splendid thing,
or so they keep on telling me.
Perhaps someday I might find out
what this love thing’s all about
I’ll learn about it in due time
when I learn to speak my mind
for this heart, now, would not be broken
if only those few words were spoken…

“I love you, too”

I've had many things on my mind:
memories of forgotten times,
missing chances, some regrets
and looking at what I have left;

I'm no where near what I'd like to be.
because your not here next to me.
friends forever we always said,
I guess forever came instead.

I miss the fun we used to have,
all the times we used to laugh,
all the times we sat and stared,
never said a word and no one cared.

we fell apart and we chose our roads,
I messed up and your heart let go.
we knew we wanted more than friends,
but we traveled roads with different ends.

mine tried to hold but distance grew
until I lost my sight of you.
with every step I thought of "us",
in hopes "that day" would come to pass.

days and weeks went passing by
our roads would pass and we'd say hi
and then you'd walk away again
and I'd wave good bye to my best friend

occasionally our roads would cross
and we'd talk about the time we've lost
but only for a moment though
so we can head back down our roads

and every time I'd stand and wait
and watch you as you walk away
then I'd start my road again
as I wave good bye to my best friend