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That kind of day where I can
stare at a blank wall for 30 minutes,
and never not have a random useless thought.

I can sit in a chair, half asleep,
half awake and just pretend to be alive while
I exist in the confines of my brain. It's a blank
day. A day where nothing happens. A day
where I don't feel right, or even
human.
&
&
And then I sigh
and call it a night.
I think,
tomorrow,
I shall wake up and
want to be a mechanic.
So I can fix myself up.
things happen
people get forgotten.
the worst part is
people sometimes forget themselves.

sometimes we need others
to stop us in our tracks
and look at us in the eyes and tell us

you exist.
rain, rain
please
don't go away.
The surefire way
         To cure a rainy day
Is a cup or a ***
         Of one Earl Grey.
privilege vs. struggle

open vs. close

culture vs. degradation

comfort vs. hyper-awareness

dark vs. light

simple vs. complex

knowledge vs. awkwardness

money vs. wonder

society vs. truth
attracted because believe close
don't everything feel feels felt
gimme god
good her
his just kind know
last life like
love man me men
more my myself
need not now poems poetry read
scared see ****** something
stories thing think thought true
up very wanted
world
writing.
That moment, when you kiss Don
good night and then turn away
to switch off the light on your bedside table,
and the smile is suddenly wiped off your face,
those three seconds when you rest your hand on the switch
and then quickly engulf the room in darkness,

that is your entire life.
if only you knew
the things that i do.
9-word poetry
"Do you like wasabi peas?"

She hands me a small sage-green orb.

"It's hot, spicy," she says, nodding encouragingly. "Have you ever had wasabi?"

It tastes like horseradish and is not at all spicy in comparison to the chile-spiced mango I've been snacking on. I nod and smile to her approvingly.

Before I know it, she's handing me a chocolate sandwich cookie and without saying a word, going back to the duty of putting away the groceries. It's delicious.

Jivy, upbeat soul music blasts from an iPhone speaker dock. The kitchen faucet is running. Cabinets, the dish washer, opening and closing like a delicate rhythm.

He was building a fire pit outside, thick white smoke billowing up into the sky. But it started to pour a soft summer rain, as it had two or three times already that day. The world beyond the kitchen is grey, wet, happy. The shabby porch is used to being drenched in rain, the mason jars filled with dead cigarettes and the disarrayed furniture.

With more than one person in the narrow stretch of kitchen, it's a crowed party. I watch on from my chair in the breakfast nook. She chops vegetables on the counter for cold gazpacho soup.

She, in a delicate red rose skirt. The men except for me in cargo shorts.

I'm drinking flat Dr. Pepper from a painted mug, instead of something hard like I might want. The sip of black beer he gave me tasted like soy sauce. It fizzled on the porch a bit.

"Oh, ****!" he said, putting his hand with the overflowing beer out the door while standing partly inside.

/

Asking the cook for permission, he sits down across from me and begins to sing a song on a guitar. A sad song, one that he's played before. Maybe the only one he knows.

I sit in my chair and watch it all go by. I take out a book from my bag to look like I want to read it. I'm really just sitting here, like a fly stuck tragically on the fly paper he hung in the kitchen two nights ago. Lying there all sprawled awkwardly, eyes open to what's around me.

He finishes the song. "Beautiful," she says, gathering papery remains of an onion and tossing them into a plastic bin. He strums another tune. His voice is untrained and not hard to listen to if not a tad syrupy and self-aware. A bit like the way he carries his wide personality.

He answers questions from across the room, interrupting the melody for a few seconds now and then. The two men are on separate wavelengths. But the singer didn't seem to mind being interrupted. They must have grown up with this dynamic, the men. It's a story they tell easily.

/

"Buongiorno!" she says, slicing a lemon.

"Hey, you have a nice accent. Arrivederci!" says the guitar-player.

"Arrivederci!" she responds, playing up the dialect with sweetness.

"Good deal." He says, striking up another tune. He puts on a different voice. Deeper, with more swing, like a caricature country-western singer. His voice fills the space.

Our mugs are gathered all together, mixed up in a menagerie of colors and shapes at the end of the kitchen counter. I brought several of mine from home and they mingle with the others unnoticeably. Multi-colored ones from Poland. Mine, purchased at various thrift stores. All of them stacked awkwardly and happy.

He asks me if I want to share a smoke on the wet porch. I say "Not right now. Maybe later, though."
how rare is the feeling
of knowing
what one wants.
10 words.
Hi I'm Audrey and
I'm 13 years old And
I have eplipsey but
I don't care much.
I like to go to the river.
And.
Have fun with my Cusion and
go knee boarding. And
to swim i like hanging with
my friends but i don't like it
when people think there all
that it gets on my nerves
i know how to protect my self
i hate it when people think
there popular or
to cool to talk to you
so what but i don't care because
i don't hang out with them i love all
my friends i love going to the river and
having fun and i don't hate
many people if they don't
get on my nerves urge
anyway
if you want to be my friend don't come talking to me if you think your everything
Okay, so truthfully I did not write a word of this. I copied this verbatim from a young woman's Facebook page. Call me creepy or plagiarizing, but I found it rather fascinating.
Big Ohio
Great big fields
Grain and seed
Big Ohio
Where the birds are freed

Great big Ohio
Where I felt my first breath
Trees of acorn
Great big Ohio
Where I was born

Wide open passages
Between which I ran
Chasing down dead birds
Wide open passages
Where words became words

Long lasting nights
When we discovered the fun things
Ran around, around, around
Long lasting nights
Between lost and found

Big, tall Ohio
Pain is in the air
Discovery everywhere
Big, tall Ohio
Where the winds whips your hair

So vast, Ohio
You’ve blown open the door
Let the past be past
So vast, Ohio
Be free at last

Brand new Ohio
The floors sparkle with life
New people surround
Brand new Ohio
Where possibilities abound

Short, everlasting moments
A forgotten comrade of mine
A transient, magical time
Short, everlasting moments
Without reason or rhyme

Stormy weather, Ohio
Beat the proverbial drum
Secrets will be told
Stormy weather, Ohio
Where the story shall unfold

Big Ohio
Run right beside me
Play the everlasting game,
Big Ohio
Never forget your name
I grew up in a small town in Ohio, in case you didn't catch that bit. This poem was used as my class poem.
The news of your engagement came
in conjunction with the news of the death
of a long-time family friend.

Sitting in that cafe, reading the Facebook status,
trying not to make a scene in front of my friends
who were studying their textbooks.

Memories of our childhood in that dinky
farming town, making plans for our future nuptials,
giggling under flashlight-lit bedsheets and pretending
to be asleep when our footsteps were heard on the staircase.

I see now that your plan has been fulfilled,
while I sit here, reading about it, wondering whether
to leave a comment or like it. Modern technology
has made social interaction strange and dissonant.

I see now that the line between you and I
has been tightened. That now you've been figured out
and I'm still here,
sitting under the bedsheets and trying so hard
to be look sound asleep
when I hear footsteps on the staircase.
She said, over and over,
That she went back to black,
but never was she anywhere else.
A poetic tribute to Amy Winehouse.
Our souls
are one thousand firecrackers
each stick waiting to burn.

Sometimes our souls are quiet,
and the firecrackers are stagnant
and wet.

And sometimes we burn slow,
the firecrackers smoldering sweet and terrible,
the ashes falling in poetic teardrops to the ground.
We are tied down and the firecrackers
are screaming to burst out with a jubilant
expression of WOWWW!

But they are denied.

Until that one moment when all the pieces are set
and finally the firework of our soul is
let loose and explodes with loud, sulfuric glory,
spreading its light and smoke and wonder
across the quiet plains.
When she sat down,
I was afraid she was going to ask to pray for me.
“I saw you across the room,
and God just told me to come over here to pray for you,”
She would say,
with a smile,
Wearing Toms,
her big toe peeking through a worn-in hole,
all shiny and full of Jesus Christ.
You know how they are.
Let me tell you, when someone asks to pray for you,
it's literally the worst feeling in the world.
You feel like a useless piece of trash,
and of course you HAVE to oblige.

But instead she just introduced herself,
said that she had seen me around
the coffee shop she worked at,
and wanted to say hi.
Her name was Julia and she had strawberry blonde hair,
she was a senior bio major,
and when I told her I was a freshman,
I detected a subtle lift of surprise in her eyes.
She was from San Diego, which she said was her favorite city.
Talking about it, her face lit up and she was excited.
We have a mutual friend, as she pointed out as well.
But,
she said,
I'll let you get back to your work.
I asked for her name again, the first time she said it,
I was too worried about her offers of prayer,
Julia,
she said again,
but if you forget, you can always ask.
America
Born of fire and ice.
****** from the womb of discontent
And a fiery gestation which curdled in the throats
Of young men.

America.
Thrown out into the cold.
Birthed by force,
Cut from the natural cord by
Ben Franklin,
Thomas Jefferson
& the boys.

America
John Adams spoke it into existence.
And soon the unrest would begin.
Born from the killing,
Born to experience every thing.

Born,
And crawling about, like an infant,
Oblivious to all but the self,
Knocking down furniture and sticking
Fingers into sockets.
Electricity.

Born
Born with a destiny,
Born out of the indignation and the self-proclamation,
A ****** birth,
Created of nothing, out of mere air.
Immaculate and supernatural.

America.
Jesus.
Created by God,
Those Men of the original 13.
Coming on ships and cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
Men with their hats and their guns.
is not knowing.

Change is going.

Change is wanting invisible things and looking for them.

and looking for them!

When you don't find the things, that is change.

Change is going

before knowing.
I want you in my arms,
but instead you are a pillow.
The emptiness makes up for my fingers in your hair,
the cold bed is your breath.
I want you bad,
but not when you want me.
That would be too easy.
****!
I cannot find my pen,
it's lost again in the depths of my bag.
This always happens
when I need to write down

something life-altering,
a good quote or a quality website.
I can never seem to find my pesky pen

so my life goes on un-altered
and baggy through the leg.
A dawn is breaking
Over the line of Atlantic expanse
A piano is playing
But only through modern implements
A soft mechanical din is
Heard over it
And children are at once quiet and asleep
As men and women scruffle to find comfort
A small light finds its way across the open Atlantic dawn
And blue takes over black slowly
And delicately
I am restless and racing
The destination must be near
something I wrote last summer on a trip to London.
Do something diabolical.
Flit your wings and
Leap from a skyscraper
Take what is rightfully yours
Or what isn’t

Have the courage to
Not give a ****,
But plumb the depths of
Every possibility
Never hide your face

Always be restless
Never settle, and spit
In the eye of adversity
Crawl in the glass like a wildebeest
Let your hands bleed and your body shake

Stab yourself in the heart
If it must be done
Cry the tears of your people
And feel their pain.
But never stop

Be wicked
Allow the bracken to grow
Become one with nature
Shout unto the mountains
Shout until they answer

Be unbelievably horrible
Be something
Be dark
Be unreasonable
Cackle with delight

Stir the ***
Suit yourself
Seek out revenge
Be diabolical
Be dark
It happened that cool & sunny day.
I met you sitting in the grass
Outside the art building,
Drawing your squares and smiling so nice.

I sat myself down and you
Told me a sad story of
Middle school and an incurable disease.

I sat quiet and listened, right there
In the cool grass,
Right by the art building bushes
As you quietly spewed the truth,
All the while diligently drawing your squares,
Noting their imperfections,
As you told that sad story and I recognized your brilliance.

We sat there for fifteen minutes and then
You realized you were late for class.
So you left me, sitting there,
Thinking about things,
Outside of the art building,
Squareless in the grass.
I see it play back in my memory like an old video tape,
So dark and crackly, sketchy in certain parts.
I don't see it from my eyes but from a distance,
I'm a spectator of my memory.

It is late at night one night when the family was young,
I was having a sort of waking nightmare.
I couldn't differentiate between the dream
And being awake.

Something terrible was happening
In my dream
I tried to drag you out of bed but you
Were so asleep and so heavy for my young arms
To move

I was trying to tell you that we had to
Get to mom and dad's room.
It was of absolute importance, I remember.
I remember
I had gotten you out of the bed and on the floor but
Your body was so asleep and
I was in distress.
I was terrified, crying as I desperately tried to drag you
Out of your stupor,
"If you love mom and dad you will come"
I said. But you didn't move and

I was stuck alone in that room that
One night in the dark so late at night
Worrying about what was going to happen
And that you were never going to wake up.
at times,
when after showers, as I sit at
       my desk,
I feel so naked and vulnerable.
And the door to the hall is open,
and I am terrified.
Hehwkehwjdude
ueue
eiwiwueje
ejeueiwhheheue
euehhe ueh eueuehhje
ehje ejeh ejekiiqyte
e hsjkisyuterds
juwkckvhdgy
hywjswiiudyhf u
You would have seen me
and I would have been driving.

Driving down the road of the house,
the house where we all lived.
I was going there,
but as I approached with my champagne steel trap,
in a moment
I decided to keep driving.

I saw your car and with a flutter
my foot didn't graze the brake.

You would have seen me,
if you were looking out the window.
If you would have recognized my car.

Amidst the gathering of things,
the putting of books in boxes,
or clothes into bags,

between the hidden sips of beer in your bedroom,
and quick, terror-filled glances behind you,

did you see me? In those quick seconds when my car brushed past.
Did it matter?

You would have seen me keep driving,
past all the other small houses
and you would see me at the stop sign,
waiting
before a road clean of cars.
It took a whole hour of my night,
crawling on the dorm room
carpet and digging under
places I didn't know we had, just
to find $1.25 in change.

Quarters were the rarest of all, a
red ruby, the Lost Arc. Nickels were
large and rewarding, but small in value.
Dimes were small and precious. Pennies
were the most abundant and caused sighs
of disappointment when discovered under
layers and layers of junk.

But I finally found enough. And I have
60 grams of pure accomplishment to prove it.
It took a whole hour of my night,
crawling on the dorm room
carpet and digging under
places I didn't know we had, just
to find $1.25 in change.

Quarters were the rarest of all, a
red ruby, the Lost Arc. Nickels were
large and rewarding, but small in value.
Dimes were small and precious. Pennies
were the most abundant and caused sighs
of disappointment when discovered under
layers and layers of junk.

But I finally found enough. And I have
60 grams of pure accomplishment to prove it.
a man is standing on my sweater
the rubber sole of his boat shoes
just brushing the hem of knitted stripes

only moments before,
I lay in my bed
on the white sheets
posed for sleep
and the room was empty
save for the scattered bits of clothing
and shards of private moments

crumbs of food eaten in solitude

but now there is a figure in my doorway
he has been dipped in the midst of all this
and he lightly places his foot
through the threshold
onto me
Don't you see it?
that change in my overall countenance?
the way the sun hits my face perfectly now?
it's so obvious to me.
I don't understand why
you passing me doesn't incite
a second look
from you.
That moment, in the graveyard,
under the stars, when the light filtered
through the winding branches of the silvery
weeping willow we stood under.
That moment when we came to the base,
marked by a twisted joining of the barks,
when we were close, your head
fitting nicely under my chin, my hand
wrapped tightly around your back, both of
us holding onto a speeding target. We fit so
perfectly and terribly in that moment,
your wild hair brushing up against my face and
my body easily leaning into yours,
under the stars, in the graveyard
that one night when we looked into
each other's eyes, talked without words,
a delicate communion in the damp grass
under your favorite tree.
Tall tales did she tell
and far fetched was her life
and everywhere, went she, with a dog named Troubles.

Sticky fingers did she have
a monstrous laugh did she bear
and always did she travel with her Troubles.

Never upwards, went she, but always across
the walk was never too far
and far with her dog, Troubles.

Bark! bark! Went Troubles
and she slapped it on the nose
for never did she let the Troubles bite her.
I hope you stay like this forever.
You don't hide like they want you to.

I want you to always be playing
In your Sunday's Best in the mud puddles
And not think twice.

I hope you never grasp what they teach you
In institutions of higher education.
I hope you teach them.
Even if they never listen.

I want you to never care
Like I did
I hope you never stop wanting more
I hope you don't settle
I want you to be always scared
And always fearless

I want you to know the difference
Between knowledge
And education.
Never forget what they'll never tell you.

Don't learn.
That would be too easy.
all i want
is to be wanted
by the ones i want
to be wanted
by.
i'm excessive and irrational,
I don't think clearly, i might have no morals,
and i don't make wise choices.
i'm a bad person, really,
and I feel inferior to you.

but it's nothing that you do.

you're smart and decisive,
you have an artistic eye,
and so do i,
but you use it better.

i'm silly and sad,
your a firecracker of many colors.
i fizzle and you shine.
i write poems of self-deprication,
and you don't.
My best thoughts arrive when
I wait for my towels to be cleaned.

Leaning over the sturdy white machine,
contemplating life's intricacies
and delving into quixotic thoughts only suitable
for my delicates in their spin cycle,
that's when it happens.

Suddenly, as the bumps and whirrs of a laundry room
fill my headspace, I am
Socrates, I am Plato,
one finger heaven-oriented as my clothes spin,
spin, spin.

I can only imagine if Phaedo was
conceived in the throes of laundering.
As slaving women with their washboards
worked tirelessly on his thinking linens,
that's when Plato must have done his
best philosophizing,
when Napoleon felt his tallest.
My best thoughts arrive when
I wait for my towels to be cleaned.

Leaning over the sturdy white machine,
contemplating life's intricacies
and delving into quixotic thoughts only suitable
for my delicates in their spin cycle,
that's when it happens.

Suddenly, as the bumps and whirrs of a laundry room
fill my headspace, I am
Socrates, I am Plato,
one finger heaven-oriented as my clothes spin,
spin, spin.

I can only imagine that Phaedo was
conceived in the throes of ancient laundering.

As slaving women with their washboards
worked tirelessly on his thinking linens,
that's when Plato must have done his
best philosophizing,
when Napoleon felt his tallest.
And suddenly it was ten-til-two.
And where had the day gone?
It had been whispered into the liquid
crystals of my computer screen,
and drowned in a bowl of leftover pad thai.
I suddenly was supposed to feel tired,
but instead I was depressed because tomorrow
was calling, and I didn't want to run.
My eyes were watering, all of a sudden.
And the screen kept on whispering.
Chicago's winds were violent
that February day.
The air was unusually warm,
and the city once again bounced
up from its winter grave.
But all at once her winds blew fiercely,
Reminding us of
her wrath
and power.
Her thumb,
gargantuan and steam-punk,
art-deco,
futuristic,
craftsman and industrial,
pressing down on us as we happily
walked down her sidewalks,
and crossed her streets.
She smiled from way up there
and all around,
blowing her winds with extra tenacity,
forcing us
from our comfortable jaunt.
I snuck a cigarette in the back yard
at 10:45 in the morning.
The sun shone bright and shaded the smoke gawdily, so
I smoked it in the shade, behind the fence,
keeping an eye on the sidewalk to make sure the coast was always clear.
The dog was on his leash and he stared at me guiltily.
"Why do you give me that look?" I said,
I petted him affectionately,
that seemed to suffice.
I made coffee in my bedroom, filling the electric kettle
with water from a mason jar.
I wrote two postcards to friends in China while it brewed,
I drank my liquid breakfast,
and stepped in cat *****.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
I screamed at her as she lay docile on my duvet.
She gave me the blankest, the most Idontgiveashit cat look ever.
11:15.
It started with the wide-leg Giorgio Armani pants
And it all went downhill from there.
They were so chic, and might improve her stance,
She could wear them to the market, hell, almost anywhere!

When she put them in her shopping cart
And continued to enter her credit card number,
A shot went right through her fashion-hungry heart
A jolt she still remembers!

It was the feeling of a new era
A new time in the lifespan of her wardrobe.
She would become a Prada-shopper, a vintage Chanel-wearer
No longer would she need to shuffle around her apartment in that awful bathrobe.
She'd strut down the street, sporting her Carolina Herrera.

A month later, a tingle slipped through her spine
As she donned a lapis Michael Kors
It was that sudden thought, "This dress is all mine!"
"It's mine now, so it isn't yours!"

From then on, it was her bank account that took the hardest hits
Money trickled through her Valentino-studded hands,
Down her Vera **** hips,
Came running down in thin, green strands.

Of course it all came falling apart when she saw the flawless Birkin bag,
Sitting there in the Hermes shop window
She knew it was the one thing she'd yet to snag!
However, there was just one thing she didn't know.

As she had the cashier ring it up,
Dropping another ten-grand
The cashier had her card snatched right up!
For this, Madame Fashion couldn't stand.

"Give it back!", she said, snapping her gold-dusted finger
"But dear you're overdrawn," said the snappy lady.
How she wanted to scream like soprano opera singer!
It was then that things got real shady.

In a lurch of madness, Madame jumped the counter!
The other shoppers were struck into awe and fear.
The cashier woman tried to stop her,
But Madame had just barely escaped, finally in the clear!

As she ran down fifth avenue, clutching her precious steal
A horrible revelation took over this felon,
She'd forgotten that she had wanted the purse in gorgeous teal!
Instead she had gotten melon.
I don't know about all of you, but this poem is my idea of FUN!
A cigarette
sitting in a cliche orange prescription bottle
the tobacco-stuffed tip
peaking out half an inch from the top

on it
scrawled in black ink:
miluji tě

it's author,
gone for a week and a half in a rehab center

left that morning with wet hair from the shower
long black tights around her legs
and a huge hiking bag which consumed the back of her figure
as she was walking out the door.

i imagine she wrote these words in her mother tongue
after she rolled the cigarette herself
to her boyfriend
a Texan
depressed, anxious, lost
then plunked it into the small bottle
which bore her name on its label

into the flourescently orange plastic,
symbolic of her dependency, of
the missing pieces

a flower in a vase:
miluji tě

and then she was ready to go
I must cut
Away my excess, the fatty, the undulating, the wobbly, the unnecessary,
And must forget
About what I pride
Myself on.
with such profound beauty there must
also be a profound darkness
which cannot be shaken
"What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness." Leo Tolstoy
i am trying to

get my **** together it's

just so far apart
A world passes by me, flowing images
Of houses and of streets,
Wires skewed betwixt concrete and mortar.
It is the blue world,
A world tinted by the glass of modern vessels.
The world is sad and bleak,
Cold through all seasons and knows
Little of the pleasures of red.
In the blue world,
Existence is a constant dream and
One comes and goes
Without pretense or destination.
The blue world searches to find
What is already given,
The blue world never understands,
Never stops, nor stands still.
The world is seen through a thick glass,
It is strange and unfamiliar.
It is the next stop.
It is our world after all.
You've got that prep school swagger.
That Sperry Topsider chill.
You have a finishing school varnish,
That J Crew navy twill.
A preppy quatrain.
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