Who do you think about when you *******?
Crazy blonde *****
***** girls
Girls you can’t have
With ***** stamps
Really hot but uncomfortable looking *******
Ankles behind ears
These un-breakable girls
How they howl and moan
Showing that you are the ultimate dominator

That’d be nice but…

Who do you love?
Timid brunette
Loves Christianity and her family
You can have her if you show her
Not an autographed copy of your heart
But the real thing
She has no tattoos but her pierced belly button
Is cute enough for me
This girl is breakable
Fragile, handle with care
And I will be careful

In a certain sense, you’re right
I led you on
I pulled the strings that guided your actions
Upon movie dates and way too many dinners
I could feel your feelings flail at me every time I drove you home
You were happy you found me…
Then the conversations slowly stopped
I stopped seeing you
I stopped answering calls
I stopped responding to texts
I stopped existing in your life
I stopped becoming a name in your daily sentences
You were sold on the idea that once I had *** with you multiple times
That my quest was over. My Journey was complete
Now I can fall down this empty pit
And be open to all the slurs and hatred you flail at me like used-to-be feelings
This is how you feel

This is how I am..
I stopped the war in our relationship
So I could focus on the Genocide that was constantly raging in my brain every time I was with you felt your heart beat and noticed it wasn’t in rhythm with mine
Like hers used to be…

Once upon an October I lost love
Regained it
Then was murdered by it in the summer
Although my name wasn’t in the obituaries
If there was a news paper for body parts
That’s where you’d find my heart

When she left I took her face
Like a serial killer
I ripped it off and tried to mask it over
All the girls that wanted to show me love on the weekends

They couldn’t fit her dress

They couldn’t fit her shoes

They couldn’t fit her smile

They couldn’t fit her body
You beautiful girls mean nothing to me

In the end
Yeah, I left you
Because I’m not a kid
I can’t keep playing pretend

You cried, yelled and slapped me
Yeah, I wanted to hit you back
For not understanding

So,
This goes to all of you
When you see me out about swept up in the nightlife that this town brings
Focus on the different girls that are at my side
And crop them out
Take a copy from my past and paste it on my present

Call me a man *****
Sometimes I can’t take it
I try and find  lost love in pointless ***
Call me a ****
That’s what you think I am
I haven't told anyone how haunted my brain is because of her
Call me an *******
Because I left when you needed me the most
Which I guess is worse than being connected to a lie detector
And asked the question, “Do you love her?”
Do you want proof on paper
Made from scratches about how much I don’t love you
Call me insane
Because I can’t let go of the past and everything
In my brain is pulsing because I still picture her in dreams

Or you can call me a child
Because I still like to play pretend

I see a girl with pretty eyes
Smile at me across the party
And I know she’s thinking
“I hope this guy has the ***** to talk to me”
Which, I do

Just another name in my phone book
And another conversation that’s somewhat worth having
I’m not forcing myself but somewhere deep inside me
I want to

I compare her to you
Make a strike in my head every time she
Fails doing what you accomplished perfectly
She’s way easier than you
Which I believe is equivalent to five marks already

To the untrained eye
At least what we’re doing in this bed
Looks and smells honest
What I’m lacking is the tactile emotion
That makes bodies, hearts and minds bond

I won’t answer the next time she calls
She isn’t you and that’s something
I wish not to be apart of
Her and the past girls will cry themselves to sleep
While I sit on my bed and read letters you gave me
Hoping if I combine all the letters together
You’ll fall out of them
Sit next to me on my bed
Now, I’m all out of salvia
And that’s the only way I’ll hallucinate you tonight
I’ll just fall asleep and hope I see you else where with my eyes closed


I see a girl with pretty eyes
Smile at me across the party
And I know she’s thinking
“I hope this guy has the ***** to talk to me”
Which, I do

We wasted summer together
Shouldn’t use the word “wasted” because
It was the best time as a period
Printed on a timeline labeled my life
But I should use it now
That’s how I feel

Why are you so quiet?
Tell me
I try and try and try and I know I get through
Tell me at a sunset so I still feel warm
Tell me when I finally get a job
Tell me when I look at the stars
So I can transform constellations into love poems
Tell me on the best day of my life
I am an open door of a warm house
Cold as your actions outside
The only thing I’m looking for is closure

Coffee shop with friends
“I can’t wait to meet the boy”
I hear them say
Girl, I’ve bee standing here long enough
If it takes this long to recognize
Time after time after time after time
My nickname is impatient
Try try try try to drown you out
But every time I hear the beginning letter of your name
My heart goes one way
And my body opposite
Making my organs fail like my liver
That one time I tired to drown you out
They will call it suicide
But I know its eyes and a smile
That’s what looking at you does to me
You
looking at another human being that isn’t myself
Your eyes
wide; reading a body with interest
Your Smile
Coating this atmosphere with a layer of ecstasy
You
Looking at another human being that isn’t myself
Now, I believe in reincarnation
So hopefully someday I can be born again
As the man you’re so in love with right now
Euphoria will be a synonym for my life
And I’ll laugh at the man who can’t be with you
I’ll laugh while he’s alone and drunk. Constantly writing love poems about a girl he describes so beautifully that it will make me thankful for running into you.

****  

I see your arms thrown around a body that isn’t min

I treat her like running water
Vital for my life
Dowsing myself completely in her like
Her hugs meant going for a swim
I can be as large as the world
But I am still, 70% her
The next time I go hiking
I want to fill a water bottle up with her liquid kiss
So, when I’m at the highest point
I can look at an abstract painted sky and drink you in
I will drink and feel her like palms
Pressing down my throat
I carry you inside me
Like you were pulling
The rip chords of my bones
Making my lungs breathe
Vital for my life



Her name is a heartbeat
Pumping hope into my stream
Making my body filled with parasites
Whose only intentions were to
Infect my body and make it better than before
You build me up
Her voice is my narrative
Reading me stories so I know
Exactly how to approach all situations: fact or fiction
I want to publish an autobiography
But I want you to write
You’re that voice in my head that
Helps me make decisions
And it shakes because
Her name gives me migraines
Pills can make it quiet
But I can’t ignore the fact that
I have been convulsing in my core
So hard it feels like skin touching

She slips into four-inch heels
Crafted from my body
And the backs are extensions of my arms
Holding her up from this world
Because she belongs four-inches
Above everyone else in this world
She wears such a **** black dress
It reminds me of all the high school dances
That I never invited her too
And it’s sown together by a tailor called
“I wish I knew you back then”
And the brand is “Would life have turned out different”

Her name is a superhero
I jump off 30 story buildings daily
Just so she can catch me
And I can see her
She’s got heat vision
And it makes me ignite when it’s
Five degrees outside and I’m standing in
Half snow and half corn field
She has incredible strength
To pick up my past and hold it
So I can forget about it for a while
And just enjoy being alive
She has the ability, to tell me to close my eyes
And it feels like flying

So let me drink you in
Become 70% me
Tell me a story
And infect me
Wear that dress and
Dance with me just once
Catch me all the times I jump
Because baby I’m not suicidal
This is just how I feel

Although I’m on hydro’s
Its not enough to pick me up and
Lay me on the pavement like
Your warm arms used to

After all I’ve drivin’ miles upon miles
Halfway with my eyes closed because I dream
Of that exact moment most often

I run a marathon like that finish line
Is laying on a bed with you
Please, return the favor
By waiting

Giving prayer a purpose
I believe that God has the power
To make your arms surround me again

I want the road to twist
And even with a seat belt
Break right through the glass
Breathing is a wreck
For this brief moment suspended
In the air; due to how fast I was traveling and gravity
This feels like flying
It scares me that I could beat my wings
Although it’s already too late
You’ve taken what’s left of the hydro’s

You changed me

Although you’re not here now
I’m disappointed you can’t see who I’ve become

I started growing the first time you hugged me
The force of your arms
Wrapped like a ribbon
Around a birthday present that is my body

You controlled everything
With that universal remote on your wrist
I’m surprised my emotions wouldn’t flicker
Each time you pressed a button

You had so many faces
Often times I felt as if
I was looking in a mirror
Not to say I love my own reflection
But those who know me well will say
“I look like my personality”

You know,
Headphones nowadays are two ear buds
It’s not meant to go in both ears
Both rather so you can have
Someone to share your music with
Some songs are harder to listen to than others
But I’m getting better

Do you keep my heart in your *****-pack?
Unzip it like a pulse
Keep it next to other unimportant things
Cell phone, money, gum

I can’t walk gravel roads like I used to
Or see lightning bugs the same again

I know it’s not right to do
But when I’m with a girl
I compare her with you
Needless to say they never size up
So here I am single, which is funny to me


People give me compliments like you used to
My dimple, the smile and how I act
Living with laughter on a mountain
You were the echo
That made me think
Someone else was trying to talk back
Now that it’s gone
I’m talking to myself

I’d take a rocket to the moon with you
If you fell,
I too would faint

And now,
Every time I smoke
Upwards Into the night sky
I am surrounded
By a billion ***** of light
And they scream your middle name

Tonight
I just want to get ******
And lay underneath the night sky
So I can take stars
Switch them around
Like puzzle pieces till I complete your face
Proceeding, I ask multiple questions to the heavens
And wrap myself in the warm blankets of true sentences
You kindly whisper down to me

Sitting by this creek
It’s 10 p.m. on a Wednesday
School night
Our 6-pack of Bud Lit being
twisted within the twigs
dying grass rustled beneath the feet of us
Two young eager friends

This is what we do with our memories
Take photos from mind drips
Paint it on paper
Made from the years
“Good Times” carved in my walls
Our walls

Now this ain’t some,
“I’m gonna miss you so much!”
“Please call when you can!”,
*******.
Man you’ll be in my head
In my dreams
We’ll go outside
Pick up my old ball glove
Dust off the smoke
Although I was never that good
Man this is what we did

Childhood friends
Roommates in college
You’ll be my neighbor when I’m 45
And my roommate again at Timber Ridge Retirement Home
I’m looking forward to
Harassing the nurses with you

You’re my friend dude
I do have lots of friends
But you’re only one I ask advice from
I swear if I ever murdered someone
I’d ask you to help me hide the body

Now let’s enjoy this
Count stars like high school gossip
There’s only one thing left to do
“Let’s destroy this beer”

I’m just going to stay here.
In this very spot.
Yes, in the Arby’s Parking Lot
Because I remember on June 30th 2010
Close to eleven o’clock
On my 19th birthday
You kissed me…
In this very spot.

I also won three dollars
On a scratch ticket I purchased earlier
That, in complete truth, was the best day
Of my life

I’m just going to stay here.

I’ve been around the block a time or two…
Hell, I never quit
I never cared
Reckless
Burning the rubber of my tires
Radio at max volume
Speeding up
Sharp turns
…and then I met you

First I rolled down the windows to see if it was real
I turned the volume down…
Shut my car off and got out
I walked barefoot on this gravel road
Got to the top of this gorgeous hill
Blue sky with clouds hugging air
And said to myself…
“So this is what breathing feels like.”

I’m just going to stay here.

We froze time
Every word you said could paint
Canvas upon canvas in my mind
My skul, swimming with hues
Sometimes I get you confused with Picaso


Told you about my Cobblestone path
Where other girls dissolved away
You sat down next to me and said
“What else…?”

You looked at my tattoos
With such adventure in your eyes
My fingers through your hair
And on your skin
Could be a treasure map
I don’t care where the ******* X is
I don’t care where the ******* gold is
I just loved getting lost
And retracing my steps…

I’m just going to stay here.

I’m an atheist
You’re a catholic
Sounds like a sitcom
I know sometimes we didn’t see eye to eye
But I could put my glasses on and then
You’d try with your glasses
We’d try and try and try and try and….
Then finally our pupils would align.
And I was just so happy.

“Tell me what you think…”
You said I could play guitar well but,
My voice needed work
I know I don’t have much of a singing voice
Then I see you and…
I get angels in my throat

I’m just going to stay here…..

You said goodbye to me
I didn’t care to remember the date
Because then every time that number would
Crawl up on the calendar, I’d just be irate
Very abrupt
Train de-railing
Break the rib cage, through the skin

I can’t breathe life into words
That would showcase how I am
Something of that magnitude
Could end the world
And I don’t feel like doing that
Because somewhere, someone
Is having the best day of their life
Who am I to ruin that?

I planted that feeling,
Along with the red pop tab
From your Rock Star energy drink you gave me,
In my backyard
I used to carry it on my key chain
But when I saw it, I felt like
Falling through cement or tiles

That feeling will grow into an ugly tree
Bark the color of granite
Branches twisted like a sociopaths personality
But in the spring…how beautiful
Bright hues would cover the contorted branches
Roots tangled in dirt
How we hugged
Purple leaves
A bright orange glow
Magnificent flowers would….Can flowers even grow on trees?
Never mind, I don’t ******* care, I want flowers on my tree

I shouldn’t stay here
It’s nice to look back and smile but…

I shouldn’t stay here
Leave this world
Let go
Let go
Let go
Move forward
Drop this world
The story is over

Perhaps in five….or ten years
You’ll come back here to this very spot
In the Arby’s parking lot
Pick up my book
Whip away the years
Flip through torn pages
And by the time you collide at the end of this line.
I’ll capture sunshine in my spine

I thought I heard you today

I was on my couch when I recognized your voice
Something struck my ears
I picked up on it
Quick
Then noticed I was by myself and the TV was off
The seat next to me on the couch started to vibrate
The fibers began to wrap together and grow
Slowly they took upon a large form
A body
Your body
With that body sprouted your face and smile
Fully clothed in that black dress I saw you wear
In a picture
To a dance
That you didn’t invite me to
Then you put your head on my shoulder

I only took one hit of salvia and already
I have what I want the most next to me

I wished someone had seen me
Just watch my ****** express drop and stare
At something that, in reality, isn’t even there

We talked; it was great
You said these funny jokes that reminded me of the time we
….never mind let’s skip that part
Tricking my brain to see you for not even 20 minutes has become
The best part of my day

That’s why I’ve stopped with hallucinogens
I can’t just watch you take your head off my shoulder
Sit up perfectly straight
And start to fade away back into the fibers of my couch

I swear, an hour went by
I swear I was done tripping
Then I saw
A long brown strain of hair on my shoulder
I plucked it out
And played with it
I thought I heard you today