That's the thing about unhappiness.
All it takes is something worse to come along
and you realize it was happiness after all.

QE II

It's as if it were yesterday.
My much older and taller brother holding me high above the screaming crowd. The magnitude of people I had never seen, all their to see their President.
The electric blue convertible Continental that strangely matched his piercing blue eyes, making eye contact, the head nod and smile.

It seemed like several minutes, but only a second at most.

Days later, he was shot dead in Dallas.
Such a great and loved man.
Such a loss.

Peace, love, knowledge, life.

Do I go out and find this in the world.

Or, do I look within.

While visiting the gravesite of my once good friend Kathryn Kuhlman, I came across this on a nearby headstone. I was so moved.
"In life we weep at the thought of death, perhaps in death we weep at the thought of life"  
As time goes by, I understand this more and more.

My friend, the lyrics of Your song "Don't You Know" I will always keep with me.
The reason I am hear.
The reason I am on this planet.
Haunt me more with your words.

There are so many things to be afraid of.
Everyone is afraid of something.
I'm not afraid.

What are you afraid of?

Darkness so deep, will no light penetrate.
The many walls so high, will no man scale.
A place darkness need not hide.
Is it all to keep out the light
or darkness not to show.

Few will ever experience the depths of what is inside.
The hollowed ground only words will my heart escape.

I find there is an interesting thing about Darkness,
If I look long enough, I see your light.
Let me in.

Look into the mirror
not at the mirror.
look into the soul and you will see.
See the beauty that you have overlooked before. 
The past has molded not for pain but learned lessons.
Hard lessons that have hurt so deeply not knowing, have built
A soul that only the pain has now transformed you, into
who you are.
Now look to your side and see who is standing next to you.
Look at the mirror and see two.

A problem with reflection is
it always tells the truth.

Do I throw away the mirror
or, just look away?

Is what looking back at me from or within?

What makes Man better from other animals on earth?
We create beautiful art, beautiful things and we can love deeply.
Hell, we can even go to the moon.
Is this what makes us better ?
We also **** each other, and in a never ending search of new ways to be more efficient at it.
Are we really better from other Animals on earth?

Has no man told you of your beauty?
Have you not known of your heart and soul so different?

So many lessons so many words.
Your smile and heart were so understanding.
You knew I did not understand.
You told me never forget the lessons that are just words to you now.
There will come a time when all will be clear.

To feel nothing so as not to feel anything—what a waste.

Impressive to the eye.
Different from all the flowers of this planet.  
Somehow beautiful and dangerous at the same time.
Your flowers so large to pull me in.
The fragrance of your being I can feel across the largest of rooms.
An addictive power that comes out your every cell.
I know if I get to close, I may never leave.
Why are you so addictive? why can I not look away?
My mind tells me to be careful of you and, my heart tells me not to resist.

The deadliest fires bring not only devastation.
There comes a never ending trail of destruction of the mind.
Once a beautiful forest.
A forest once full of hope and beauty now gone.
A lush and beautiful forest Replaced with never ending pain.
It looked, it felt , it was now ash.
Look once more, forward not back.
Out of ash, the richest soils.
Soils now so ready for life.

Is this pain I feel.
Is it not just perception or, is it real.
Do I only feel it because others say I have it.  

How will I know if it is only in my mind.

I yell out loud What magic must I possess fore God too smile on me and give me the answer.

Moving beyond one self
Taking a chance
is it not part of life
learning from both pain and, the good
giving yourself a chance
Is that not part of allowing yourself to live
there is no 'dress rehearsal'
this is now

Great friendship, love of life, art, great beauty, music. Sharing desires of the flesh and mind, becoming one.
Are these things not obtainable from the beasts of this planet known as man.

A space once so full of warmth and light, now so cold.
look and you will see just a drop of light,
Light that can start everything...

Room to live?

Help me to understand, So close and yet so far apart.
The fleeting moments together bring much bliss.  
The days apart seems like years of pain.  
What is this thing that man creates that can feel so good and feel so bad.

The depth of your pain has no end.
Your many lives of past love and great loss, no end, no start.
All making you the master of the sole.  

Is there no solace in life.

Even in the light,
it's my shadows that speak the truth.

I see the look in your eyes, and see only shadows.

You have unlocked the door
but, you do not open it?
these walls/doors hold not only you, but me from you.

Beware
If you pull away the curtain
will you find romance
will you find love
will you find passion
will you find your hedonist desires fulfilled   
Or will you be surprised of what you find
Do you dare look behind the curtain.

Is pain a bad thing?
Most believe it is.
Perhaps it's not necessarily bad.
Could it be a doorway to see the value of good?
How can one truly appreciate good,
if you had never experienced pain.

My parents told me financial wealth is everything, but not why.

I'm told that at Harvard your told the color of life is red, but not why.

My heart tells me to love, and I do know why.

Are we not to have wisdom from  experience.
The longer we live the more we learn.
Why is it the older I get, the more I find I don't understand?
How can this be?

To the man with many secrets.
You speak with poems of life.
Words that tell of great loss.
Words that give you pain, agony and torcher each day.

You have the power to see light,
the power that only you can give yourself.
Words of light are waiting for you.

There was a woman that many sought out for her great knowledge of life.
I met her with many questions, she smiled and told me only one she would give.
My only chance to ask and only one I would get.
will I find love?
Her answer was not the one I had so wanted but was it the one I needed to hear?