the chilling arbitrarities
of steps and thoughts and fallacies
the colors of the changing leaves
are tired warning signs

when each and every passing dawn
rips through me like a lover's yawn
I lay alone the curtains drawn
with consolation bled and gone
I can't escape the lie
*I'll miss you when you die

artists of flesh
wielding shades of exertion
splashing on canvas sheets
bright through closed eyes

I'm your thumbprint expressionist
mattress impressionist
bristles for taste buds  make
broad strokes the emphasis

aptly utensil
fills focal to edges
though tipping the easel
conception seems effortless

brilliantly tincture
accentuates fervor
while crescent depressions
raise apogee further

ten for a dollar, twelve on Thursdays,
many more ways to realize they're all
actors brandishing turtle wax not
swords and axes, shields without a dent
but tales are larger than Typhon, ****,
tell me again how scary facing
the kraken was and how you made it
back from Tartarus without even
a finger missing, you didn't, I
know, I didn't notice your *******
gleaming on the way down or up, I
was busy fighting anyway, my
armor gashed and crushed and opening,
showing the spaces where flesh blood and
sinew used to be, my horse died years
ago but it'll take more to slow
me down, cause I found her flag, shining
or not this knight won't let it touch ground.

I never wanted to be your broken heart
I never wanted to be the sound of the door
closing behind you

I thought we were forever
but somehow the devil knows me better
than the back of your hand knows my back pocket stitching
than my fingernails know where your back is itching
than your lips know how wide they can smile just for me

can't you see the way we should have been

obsidian black-rock soul
lackluster and cold
loosing shards over backyards
failing to heed mother's plea
"keep to yourself, the children are here"
maybe tomorrow i'll borrow compassion
and fashion a rope out of all i can ration
to hold together 'til calmer weather comes
sneaking from behind the peaks and treetops
and leaves me the **** alone
as if
forget the children
they'll know soon enough the taste of hate
and the twinge of pain that precedes disdain
if only i could care
if only i could share a prayer
if only i could waive despair
anymore
anymore
anymore
obsidian black-rock soul
i’ll keep it to myself cause i can’t lose pieces
anymore
there’s not enough to reshape
anymore
just shards all over backyards
each one a bard that only knows how to sing
the ode to rejection
preach only self hate and the neighbors won’t love you
anymore
you’ll find yourself desperately clinging to
anymore
palms sweatier than when mom
found out i bombed writing class
i thought i couldn't be expressive
anymore
like Bob Ross coping with the loss of his brushes
hushed whispers don’t hit canvas like paint does
anymore
happy trees happy trees just have to get angry
when the sun can’t be created
anymore
maybe life is a portrait that we constantly create
experiences chances taken stain the canvas
in specific ways we’ll see at the end of our days
but we can guess what kind of colors we’re creating
we can’t claim sadness and ignorance
anymore
so the soul must be a palette not a ******* stone
those aren't shards they’re splotches
making everyone’s portraits
a few notches darker
we all splash them back and forth
not even thinking about the mixture
we can’t keep using only black paint
anymore

RH I should've listened to you more
JH I should've showed you more respect
AH I should've been kind instead of firing back
CH I should've reached out while you were still around
JW I should've been less competitive and more honest
EM I should've listened more than I lectured
MC I should've taken the chance
EW I should’ve been more open with you
ED I should’ve held on tighter
AW I should’ve given you more credit
EL I should've talked to you more
EG I should've tried harder
SW I should've been a better mentor
MG I’ll take care of you as much as you take care of me
RK I’ll motivate you more
AK I’ll be a more firm guide
JC I’ll try to love you anyway
TU I’ll tell you more how amazing you are
GB I’ll let you know how much I respect you
TC I won’t stop striving
AS I won’t let go

Be known for always holding a torch,
‘cause inspiration shouldn't be underrated.
Don’t let good thoughts remain good thoughts,
work up the courage to make them good deeds.