I've tried so hard to escape reality
Music, running, sleeping
I fear the tears and anger night brings to me
I can't breathe, I can't turn it off
I'm trapped, I'm yelling, but no one is listening
I'm drowning, I'm alone, no one is there
It's pulling me deeper and deeper
I try to swim to the surface, but its got
ahold of me. Won't let go.

I try hard to see through the fog
But this storm is getting bigger
And bigger and bigger

It's ******* me in
Deeper and Deeper
I can feel the mud
It's burying me
With one last hope
I reach my arm out
Hope to be free
The storm
It takes me in
For the Win

I don't wanna write about
roses red violets blue
I want to write about
something unique
something new, just
like everyone else, so
they say. Everyone
wants to be different.
There's over 7 billion
people in this world.
Were all merely clones.
Even with this over-
populated planet we
live in, it's just so
funny to me how one
person can feel so alone.
Standing in a crowd,
listening to them all
laugh and carry on
watch as life goes on.
I don't want to be part of
a show, I don't want
fame, but I'll completely
take the blame. I would
like to live my life like
the sun. Gleaming by
day and resting by night,
but always there, safe
and sound to come back
the next day and light
up the world again.
Maybe that's all that
we need in life, some
music, love, and sunshine,
and everyone will be
just fine. Maybe this
persistent loneliness
I try to chase away,
asking why, then maybe
I won't be so shy and
take a bow and blow
all this a kiss goodbye.

You handed me a paint brush
Told me to paint you a picture
an hour later you came back
you asked "where's the color, the magic
the creativity." I said "art is whats in your
heart and mind. I've been searching
and searching but that picture you want
of roses, sky's, beauty and majesty,
its become really complicated to find.

You then gave me pen and notebook.
Told me write you a story. I told you a tale
of a knife, and a death. You then asked,
"why is this tale so ******, scary and
gory." I erased it all and tried again. I
wrote a love story. Quite the opposite
of Romeo and Juliet.I wrote the first
chapter, and everything there after
led to a happily ever after.

Then you gave me a guitar, and told
me to play you a song. I played a song
about a lonely heart and a girl who was
falling apart. You told me, "NO NO your
going about this all wrong!!." So sure
enough I  started playing the ultimate
love song. Surely I'll just play along.

But truth be told, the outlet was
unplugged, the ink ran dry and I spilled
the paint on the floor. Everything I
painted, wrote and sang for you, was
only from a girl that I once upon a time
knew. But she has seemed to cut the
ties that bind her together. Sprinkled
the ashes, till they blew away like a
feather. She watched in silence, from
a distance. The wind kept blowing,
the days passing, and thought well
maybe of these passing days, everything
is better off this way.

I'm searching the dictionary
Trying to find some kind of definition
Some kind of meaning
Turning pages frantically, searching
The answer must be there
I just has to be
For I am blinded
I can not see
The precious world that is presented to me
This is so unreal
That I can not feel
Is this an illusion?
All this confusion
Please I beg someone take my hand
Show me the way
Because I have no idea which way to go
Which page to look on
I'm just ready to hang up these shoes
I'm simply done looking for the clues

I have lost sight of the things in front of me
My pen has stopped working
I can not write what I see
I can not write of what I hear
I have lost all love of all that was dear and near

I can't understand
The workings at hand
I'm so far gone
Is there any amount of reaching
That could pull me back

I want to see colors again!!
To be bright to be bold!!
I don't want to be cold
This is so wrong here
I don't want to put my future on hold

Bring back the memories of childhood love and laughter
Bring back the happiness of a world once known
I want my heart to tingle
I want to be able to mingle
To have meaning
To be beaming
I don't want to hide
I don't want to just go along for the ride
I want to feel pride
If only I could put these useless feelings aside
Rest assured I don't want to die
But that's how I feel inside

Where am I?
I'm falling falling
Who am I?
I'm stalling stalling
What happened?
I'm drowning drowning
Someone took a knife to me
Cut me into pieces
Took out my beating heart
Fed it to the dogs
Nothing
That's what I am
Nowhere
That's where I am
I died
That's what happened

It hits me so hard
Like someone hit
me with a bat
Right in the pit
of the stomach This
feeling inside is so
hard to see, Like a
stranger in the dark
park.  I feel like
I need to just be left
alone or just flee but
the other me wants
someone to care. Its
like the real me
checked out I don't
know what this
replacement of me
is all about. Shes new
She doesn't know
whats going on.
Shes got all wrong. I'm
frightened, scared to
death. This is all so
foreign. The rain is
a pour in. My head hurts.
It's all goin away.
Only to come back
some other way
on another day

Thoughts, that's all I have
That's all I am
They move through my
brain like a car on a freeway
Sometimes I just want
to set up a construction
sign Block out the traffic.
My mind jumps like a
grasshopper from one
subject to the next. My
thoughts are scattered
like lake effect snow
falling from the sky.
Why do I Keep writing
them down? It's not like
the thoughts are
attached and make for
a beautiful thoughtful
poem. I keep trying to
convey my thoughts into
something brought
together with beautiful
imagery or with deeper
meaning. That's what
consumes me. I must perfect
my poetry. Make something
out of nothing. Attention
is not what I seek I just
want you to take a peek.
This is who I am. Making
a masterpiece with words is
what I feel I need to succeed .
Making something worthwhile
and not fade away like
another boring meaningless
day. Catching dust like some
old textbook no one cares about
anymore. Here I am breaking
the dam and here now the
thoughts they are flooding,
flooding drowning me. Drowning
deep deep down within the
blue sea? Like that hasn't been
done before. For obviously
this creative way to put my
thoughts together has become
such a big chore. For if you only
knew for these thoughts
are so hard to ignore

I feel so alone and helpless at times
Where others see painted nails, tans,
dyed hair I see people and stories. Where
others see laziness and unwilling to do work
It's there fault! They bring it upon themselves!
I can see the sadness, and despair in the words
written on the signs. The heartbreak, the hope
that someone will notice and reach out to them.
Where most people say "its just part of growing up,
It makes them tougher, aw the other kid just has
low self esteem. Just ignore it!" I see a kid being
pushed, pushed around until they can't take it
anymore. Where feeling so low, that not existing is
their answer. Or fighting Self esteem issues, hurting
themselves, never feeling good enough takes over
their lives. Where Other people see another typical  
news story of violence guns and knives. "Let them ****
each other! There stupid animals anyways! Were better
off without them! They don't even try to better themselves!
Its the ghetto who cares!" I see a town failing, a place that
wasn't given the tools to succeed. Teach their children, and
children's children. We just keep making up excuses. Instead
of helping, we put the blame on them.  I try to feel their pain,
walk in there shoes as they say, but I can't. I want to better
understand people. I want to help people not judge. I can never
imagine a world so tough and hard to get ahead.For so many
people just turn the other cheek and don't bat an eye Simply
could care less. Its sad world were all living in. IF only,
IF only my words. Were more,more than lines. Were helping hands.
That could reach out and spread love.Give hope, and dreams to
people hurting inside. I am pouring my heart and soul into these
words. I wish that I had the artistic ability to put magic in these
words. I want them to cure the world of hard ache. To become umbrellas
to keep the drops from falling. To build walls for the homeless. To
give strength to the child who struggles everyday to fit in. I want the
words to be tools. Not just words.My words have no deep
meaning, They are merely wishes. Dreams.  I feel I have failed as a human
because I cannot do more.  We must take hour heads out of our phones,
Put them in the clouds look at the sky. AND PAY ATTENTION.
There is so much more to this world then *** ttyl. More than a status
messages and tweets
But now I just feel so beat
We are in this together.
We must work together.
If we want this world to last
forever.

Will never forget the days spent
Even though they seem so long ago
and ever so distant. The photos in my
head are slowly fading. dispersing
wilting away. Someday my memory
seems to draw a blank and I can't remember
those last words spoken. Wish to go back
to happier times. The times you held me,
held my tiny pint-sized hand. Put my hair
in pigtails. Drew me pictures. You weren't
just a sister to me. You were like a third parent.
You cared so much about everyone around you
You didn't deserve such a hard life. I see your
beauty and your caring eyes every time I look
into the eyes of your daughters and son. And
I know for a fact you would be ever so proud
To know those are your children, growing up
into strong, independent people. My only hope
is that these memories that seem to be wiping clean
from my head will stay and not slowly fade away
I never want to forget these wonderful times spent,
with such a beautiful, caring, sister as you.

Anger swirls in the depths of the ocean
It grows, swims like a shark after it
sees the blood of a small immature fish
Chasing it furiously even though its
tough, unbreakable, and stronger than
it. Chokes and swallows down the very
last piece. gulp!. Licking its lips in  satisfaction

We must make things right
The Human misery has caused great pain and suffering
A darkness to grow and evil power to take over our world
The human race has lost sight
Must regain through the power of love
Not of just one person
The people of the whole
Love must grow and thrive
We must hang onto it and pass it around like a joint
This must be the year of a new era a revolution

***** facebook, cell phones, and twitter
It all just makes for a society so bitter
The face on the tv screen
Isn't just another sad teen
Its someones child, brother, sister, best friend
There is all too much violence
And way too much silence
Speak up!!
Don't let the words be unsaid


If we don't regain this sight
Technology has blinded from us
We all sit around not participating in this fight
Win the war against evil
Not with guns
And knives mind you
Then I'm afraid my friend..
I fear that everything will come to an end

I use a flashlight
Shine it
Shed light
On what?
On me?
I'm not creative
I don't deliver any talents worth mentioning
Keep that spotlight off of me

My words don't shine bright
Stand out
Its the same thing over and over
Repeat after me
I am not creative
My words don't shine bright
Stand out
Its the same thing over and over

I'm like that annoying cd that skips repeatedly
The same phrase, the same verse

I can't mold something new out of already hardened clay
I can't dream up beautiful rhyming words
I can't make a trending poem
Not one that paints a gorgeous portrait in the mind of its readers

We can talk about roses all day long if you want
Or tree's and sunshine
And blue sky's!!
Oh and rainbows and butterflys
If that's what makes a poem worth reading
We can talk about love
And hearts
We can hold hands and blows kisses
Peace and harmony

Or we could talk about the real stuff
The Shadows
The dark stuff
Teardrops
The shattered mirrors
All of our fears
The things that bring about nightmares
The truth
The ugliness
The misery
The dark and twisted stuff
They say the mentally disturbed are the most creative

Its up to you
Dear poet
Person sitting there at the steering wheel
Staring at the road ahead
Put the car in drive
Steer it in the right direction
Or is there a right direction?

Its all just space
Blank space
The pen just sits there in your hand
Waiting for an idea to take shape
Hope its going to be worth the struggle
The self loathing
Worth picking and prodding at your ego
Telling you, you **** at writing
So why bother right?

It's more than just a poem
Its more then just a page in your story
A direction in your life
A struggle
A meaning
A life
Its your life

I just sit there silence
Its all noise and clutter
Where there are numbers I see white space
When you speak its like your speaking in tongue

Where I used play math like a game
Now turns my brain into mush
I can't turn X into brilliance
Into something that has meaning

I sit and stare at the clock
Hoping and willing the minutes to pass
I watch and listen as everyone else finds answers
Like they are all geniuses and I"m just your average joe

I imagine someone beating the answers out
One, Two, Three The X's won't come loose
Keep pounding till it becomes clear
The path to X is  there I know it!!

Of course I don't want to be average I want to be something
I want to solve X
Fix X
Define X
Who exactly is X?
Does X have boundaries?
Does it lie on the X and Y plane?
It's just a boring old line.
If I can't find X it will be the death of me

I have not a creative bone in this body
All 206 are exactly the same
I can't force life into my words
I can not make the ugly duckling, beautiful
I can not write of love
Make hearts beat widely

Only make the heart stop
The music slowly fade
This pathetic soul that I parade
If only these words could show

The Starry Night within me
The workings of artistic ability
The music we all sing along to
Or that one hit wonder

All are nice ideas
Ones I wish could dig down deeply for
From the deep unconsciousness of my mind
Though these words a creative bone I will then find

Then shall I cut off my ear?
I will continue to search far and wide day and night
Hope to find words that fit together just right
I must perfect every line
Breathe breath into this dream that is mine
Reveal the secret of the pen, the love of every letter left hanging
Making a world forever changing

I just want to be heard
My boring tale to be cured
My words to flourish
Be the poem that every English class is reading
To bring new meaning
To every heart beating

For that is my goal
To reach deep, deep within the soul
And maybe find the surprise
Lying at the bottom of the cereal box
That every child wishes he will find

Every red droplet that flows
Replaces every tear no one knows
I sever my heart into pieces
Let everyone see
But I go closing this wound back up

This black, vacant space is now where it used to be
It was swallowed up whole by what was inside of me
I feel like my insides are being  devoured
By something, something so callous and sour

These extreme  feelings inside
That I continue to try to hide
I block out the pain with this blade
Knowing someday the scars will then fade

And, maybe just maybe My heart can be brought back to life
The veil covering this ugly worthless person I've become then lifted
And the tool used to shock the heart will succeed and this code blue
Will then hopefully be over soon

Lost at sea
That's what they say
When you don't know where your life is going

Someone threw me the ring
But I refused
I told myself I could swim

I could hold myself afloat
I could keep holding on
I didn't need a savior

I woke up on the shore
Choking
Choking
Choking
Trying to catch my breath

But
I realized
It was just another
Nightmare
Another entry in my journal of thought

Death is scary
But maybe that's Where I am
Deep in the hollows of the grave
Or maybe that's where I'm going
I see the roses growing

I don't want to
But  the acid is atrocious
It eats me up inside
Tears everything up that is I

I'm internally burning
The ashes are falling
Maybe its better that way
I don't have to open up

Spill my guts
They are ashes
I am free

I am not important matter
Please ignore me
If I fall if fate brings me to the grave
I can pick myself up and dust myself off
I will keep living in the shadows
Because that's how it should be

This life is a police chase
That only I should face

I don't have a get away car
So I won't get too far

Its me
Not you

I'm the cause for this life
I'm the one who holds on to this knife

Its me
Not you

If I can't get ahead
I'm the one who fled

Its me
Not you

I'm the one who filled the clouds  
I'm the one who shouldn't be around

Its me
Not you

Its my matter
If everything shatters

Its me
Not you

Nothing makes sense
Because I built the fence

Its all me me me
I should be left alone to fight my battle, my burden not you
Please don't worry about me I need to take the world on alone
Not let my feelings be shown I have the weapons for this war
But I can not fight
I have lost sight
I keep
s
  p
i
  r
a
  l
l
  i
i
  n
g
down
I'm caught in the wind
Hung by the rope
I am choked
But its better that way
Better to be forgotten I say
I'm worthless
of no use
I don't deserve  anyone to care
Not even of these feelings I share
I'm  disgusting
I need duct tape
To hold onto my shape
Keep all my internal organs from spilling
I fear
It is ever so clear
the unavoidable
I must find a way to disappear
I must
grow wings
and fly

I find it it so unpleasant to see my reflection
I look at this skin that I'm in
And I can pinpoint every delicious sin
I can't bare to step on the scale
I"m so horrified by what the numbers will reveal
A painful reminder of how I failed to be thin
Oh please oh please just let me see
This other girl I wish was me
This sounds so juvenile
But I have felt this way for quite a while
Its a terrible thing to see nothing but ugliness
But  I'm just going to sit here and fake smile
Your eyes fixated on this monstrous person staring back at you
The mistakes
The Heartache
I can't confess to anyone
Not even my mother
You know how it goes
They will surely preach to me
You are beautiful you need to see it
Believe it
But I won't my vision is obscured
I will continue to hide behind these doors
Hide in the comfort knowing
No one will ever uncover my deep secrets
My deep thoughts that constantly consume me
Eat me from the inside out
Take control of me dig out my eyes
Show me a creature that is so disgusting and vile
But I won't share this
I promise
I swallow the key
I will  dig deep
Bury deep in the grave
In time they will surely fade
And a flower will bloom
And laugh hysterically at the thoughts and fears
Of a lonely ugly girl eyes filled with tears
I let these tears drown me
As I lay here and reflect on all of this
If only, I could rip out my my mind
Or find  an off switch

Good god all my poems are way too serious
Thoughts and ideas that make me so furious

Come on come on lets all clown around a bit
Make fun of my poems because we know they all ain't worth a ****

Hahahahahahaha lets all make a joke
poke
poke
poke
whatever
because this makes no sense whatsoever
because I point to you and laugh
There is no point to this that was never my endeavor

I am alone
I have hidden myself for far too long
But of this loneliness comes great song

I no longer want to be concealed
For this has the power to be healed

Or is it even remotely possible?

Can this mask ever be removed?

Or am I too ugly to be exposed?

For these are the questions that I must face
The ones used to make my case

Can anyone every truly understand me?

Or can I ever truly understand myself for that matter?
Or is my life destined to be destroyed and forever shattered?

of these disgusting thoughts that haunt my mind
and leave my heart hanging from a noose

Suffocating it squeezing every bit of blood that it has left
From all of the secrets hidden inside that I kept

As she awakes promptly
Her heart is racing
POUNDING
It would seem to of only been a horrific nightmare
As she lies gazing at the moon and the dark shadows
That illuminate the walls
Her thoughts pour out onto this page
A mighty infestation had seem to have taken over
Growing and thriving
A material of a very dark appearance
saturating themselves in every crevice
Spreading throughout the body like cancer
Ripping apart the essence of every hope and every dream
Everything that made her life worthwhile
Flowing through the veins to the mind, to the hands
Like a wildfire
Her hand moving ever so quickly and swiftly
Writing every detail of this phantom ghostly reality
She wanted to remember what had brought on these illusions
This horrific tale  of thoughts
She ****** awake
heart POUNDING
Looked down at  at these pink scars that seemed to have suddenly appeared
She thought I don't remember any of this
WHO DID THIS TO ME!
Then on her nightstand was her journal and she begin to read
Of the horrific nightmare that took place

She felt ever so lost in a sea of silence
She thought of something to say
but someone whispered don't speak

She tried and tried to ignore this hurricane
Hurricane of emotion that took her for  a spin
Making her so dizzy and disoriented and exhausted

She wanted to believe she was invisible that no one could see her
She had magical powers to disappear to slip away quickly
On the conflicting side she wanted someone to figure out this magic trick
Figure out it's secrets it withheld

A hand to reach out and understand
To tell her shes not alone
But she felt so shameful

She held out a shield in front of her
Wanted no part in this
She came to a point where all she felt was nothingness

She picked and prodded at her skin, saw the blood seeping slowly out of the wound
I am Alive! I feel so Alive!

For only a moment the clouds rolled on and the rain quit falling.
And then they returned with a vengeance

When aroused from deep slumber
She remembered a dream
It played out so vividly

She was driving down a winding, unknown road
Passing trees, full of leaves and just seeing all the life around her
She had initially thought what a beautiful dream to have

She had pulled over without much thought
A small innocent bird with a broken wing
It looked into her eyes searching for hope

She remembered nothing else after
She had started to cry
She didn't understand why

Then in another moment she visioned a young child
The silence of that bird haunted her
The look in its eyes that said I am broken

It was much too late..

The medical Examiner was dumbfounded and shocked
By what he saw when he opened her up
The heart was where the brain should be
And in the area where the heart should be was a note
It read the following:

Dear examiner
            I couldn't come up with worthwhile ideas until I left these matters
to the heart. so I took out my brain you see, and replaced it with something far more useful, but unfortunately that has left me in a pickle because I forgot I needed it to breath. I guess being the person I am, matters of the heart were far more important.
                       Sincerely with love,
                                        the dead girl

The stream is flowing
These trees won't stop growing
What uncreative ideas I'm throwing
Writing about nature has already been played
Nothing new can be made
I'm juggling these words in my head
oh my, is this writers block
Am I dead?

Dare* to be different dare to make a difference definition unknown
Realities can be realized reaching for life and love
Experience in Existence no expiration date experiment
Aim high Admire them
Make noise make memories
Share them string them together make sense of them sing of them
No shame in having big dreams and sharing them out loud
Embrace the wonders of the unconscious
Don't leave them hanging alone in the clouds

Take note examine close
As I pour out drop by drop
This unidentified substance
Become the detective
Be a Sherlock Holmes
Pick through with a fine tip comb
Use your imagination
Your one step away from solving this mystery
Maybe someday this will become history

I want these notes to connect, to pull at the strings of your heart
To play a special kind of music that inspires
That sounds harmonious, she sings
I want to be played like a billboard top twenty
To make hearts beat wildly like the beat of a drum
Not just only heard once,  by one
This is my song that I play to the world

I want to be your candle light
I won't to show you what you can't envision
A life where no leaves fall
Where no flowers wilt away and die

As I get down on my knees
And I plea

You are more than a line to a poem that your role is much bigger
You must see that every line of this poem means something
Missing just one, would make it lose all meaning
That every single line here  is worth reading

Can't you see here that I am trying to reason with you
That you can't assume that the sky will always be blue
But many, many variations, sequences, differences of colors
So many of our choices, consequences,
and feelings come from our senses

I am at a lost of what to say
Please give me something, some kind of sign
Because I want to guide you, help you, and inspire you
Show you something new

Give you the wings to explore your horizons
All the wonderful things that do exist

But if you insist
I will fight this enemy with a strong fist

Now I hope that you will believe me
That I have now fixed all that was broken
With these words here that I've spoken

Unlocked your prison
And set you off freely

Is this what the world has come to
A virtual society where friendships, thoughts, and adventures Exist
Purely on a thinking, robotic machine of this

Where Facebook has become our knew civilization
Where all our lives now seem to be lived
Well now is there really a need for this mortal bag of bones

Surely there is no reason to leave the safety of our homes

No need to search deeply for answers
Because look no further its all here
Google, Wikipedia its the know it all source of all of the worldly knowledge

No reason to verbalize our thoughts
No reason at all for that
Be quiet shut up
For this is where friendships and happiness is made

No need for therapy or psychologists
When all our inner demons and afflictions are discussed
Here within the new means of our new found reality

In all actuality
This is no good
What happened to people to people socialization

Is this machine really of use
Of the isolation and loneliness we choose

Can this life be pure and simple again
Back to when we looked for trees and the beauty within

I tell you this must make our future look bleak
If only we could extend our hands and hearts to each other
It must be virtually impossible over this fake imaginable thinking machine

Because now the old life is dead
and the new life lives on within the depths of this new profound
thinking robotic machine as that we have all come to know and love

I am writing to you from this deep dark abyss
Searching and searching to find the source of this grief and deep sorrow
I feel so shameful so ungrateful
Dear mind I wish to put you to rest

So insecure so self hated
I can't seem to make sense
Everything feels like its falling
Concrete pushing down on me burying me within
It's heavy extremely heavy

The only way I know how to fight this sinful creature
Its Ironic fighting pain with more pain
They say you can't fight fire with more fire
But don't you fret This is my way of fixing my affliction

Where you see crimson red ***** blood
I see the rightful ingredient that will wash away these flames
Take out the internal fire with the external fire

But hush now my dear reader I don't deserve my dream to live on
For I am heartless and just a sad pathetic unhealthy soul
For I don't matter for I am just one of the billions
For I have no right to feel this, its all a figment of my sorry excuse for an imagination

For there are billions of unhappy souls on this earth
More worthy of, help, hope and happiness
So don't fret I don't need help I am perfectly alright
There is absolutely nothing clearly faulty about me

So don't try to find an underlining meaning with these words
That I am searching for understanding and peace of mind
Because I"m not

The only thing I wish is that my words were magic ropes
Ones that could be thrown overboard to that great deep dark abyss
Ones that reach down, down, deep below the surface
Could pull Each Unhealthy sickly sorrowful soul out of this deep unforgettable hole

The world moves oh so fast
Sometimes its hard to catch your breath
Its like playing pick up sticks
As you pick up the pieces of the past

Sometimes death is so hard to let go
To say farewell goodbye to my sweet sister of mine
They say there heart will live on
But its so hard to move forward when they're all gone

That beautiful rose has now seemed to shrivel
Life has all gone and left it to die
I miss her so much that beautiful rose that was once there
She was my sweet sister of mine

I feel like I lost her all too soon
Didn't really know who this women really was
Maybe if more attention was paid
Maybe then her life could of been saved

I feel so lost sometimes
Caught up in this crystal globe
Shed some light with this probe
I search through and through
Hope to find the clues

I let out my soul
And Everything spills out
Filling this space this globe
Until It explodes
Sending all the pieces out into this vast universe
Till all that I am is exposed

Sending into an eternity of free will
Sharing my profound love for these words that I use
Letting them ignite set sparks to this  fuse
following along closely  as I muse

Sometimes its easier to let people in
By telling a story with paper and pen
Making my imagination run wild and free
Across the universe and across this sea

Not everything fitting together perfectly
Because nothing in life is absolute
We never know what the future might hold
So let you heart out and be bold

But with this profound love of these words I sing
I hope to bring hope, love and strength in between

I no longer am stuck in this globe
For I have screamed out
and explored my world no doubt

I am just another fish in the sea
One who writes poems to set her heart free
This is just simple average
Nothing more than that
Nothing uniquely different about me

I am just a clone
Even though these thoughts, ideas emotions are my own
At times, it keep me feeing all alone

I'm just searching for understanding like everyone else
Trying to search for this identity
This individuality
Writing my realities down on this page
Doesn't mean they're anything extraordinary

Doesn't mean I should keep going
Keep these dreams
Keep this boat of ideas floating

I try to come up with this reality
When in all actuality
There is nothing, nothing uniquely different about me
I am just another fish in the sea
One who writes poems to set her heart free

I aim to please
But I feel I won't succeed

I want to win this war
Deep within my core

This is my fear
at unease
As I try to please
This is what I want you to hear

I tell myself not to surrender
I feel like this is pure failure
Inefficiency in this adventure

I don't write this just for the trend
I write this only to pretend
That with these words I shall be on the mend

I feel so overwhelmingly selfish ungrateful
and these actions against myself so shameful

As I pull and I tug at these sleeves know that I am not harmed
So please, please don't be alarmed

For I am selfish and ungrateful
and just your average stereotypical
Self couscous girl
girl that is ever so cynical
Who writes
to
hide her world


I will deny  
That its all one big lie

and no one, no one will ever know
So take this shovel and bury this deep, deep down below

I am a microscopic particle of matter
In this monstrous planet we call  Earth
People are sprinkled like seeds of a tree
Forever spreading like a disease
We must fix this predicament
That we have put forth
The Fragility of Life itself is at stake
We must mend this affliction
Make this future ours too take
For this problem is far too great
It is of heartbreak that for some we are far too late
For this massive genocide of young lives
This self destruction is all to real
For just one word has capacity to seal the deal
So keep your judgment and ignorance
Unlock your mind
Open your heart with something so kind
I am a microscopic Particle of matter
But if we all sprinkle these uncontaminated germinating seeds
A soul can be spared
Because of a difference that we have all dared
We can be revealed that we  indeed cared
With this young life that has been saved
With the help of one another
Their life has been paved
With just a small gesture
From one small particle onto another
Passing the cure from one to the other
And maybe this world is still safe
Still safe from the extreme utter fall
From such was very a close call
From such eerie destruction was feared by all

Dear Diary,
       As I look onto you as I write these feelings down, these are the feelings that I have found
Dear Diary,
       As I look onto you you, are my mirror, you are the reflections of my fears
Dear Diary,
       As I look onto you, I see your largeness, I must face this darkness
Dear Diary,
       As I look onto you, this is where I write your lies, Where they most certainly must die
Dear Diary,
       As I look onto you, these are not my confessions! This is not my profession!
Dear Diary,
       This is not me!!! Now I must make a run for it and I must flee!!

I present to you this
I am not a writer
I am not a poet
These are just my thoughts
That will surely show it

I am not a preacher of the truth you see
I am just the seeker who hopes to fine the key
You will see upon these lines
That I am more than perfectly fine

That this is my intent
That my message is sent
That,

I am not writer
I am not a poet
These are just my thoughts
That will surely show it

I see only the fragments of shattered glass
I see no beauty, no grace
You can force this belief upon me
I will presently agree
But my eyes are blindfolded to the truth you see
But I do not see it
Only the repulsiveness of the Unsightly Parts
Of this creature, this beastly creature that is me
I will never see the roses
I will only see the thorns
I cannot be unsettled of this curse
Shaken of this force this reflection
This illustration that is me

I paint paintings with words
Vivid shades some of grey
Trying to make sense of this world
Lines Uneven
Words do not match
I piece one together and then
another
until this puzzle is whole
I try and I try, try as I may
This puzzle is never complete
I do however conclude that
this is how it should be

The mist casts a veil over the truth
What we know barely surpasses the surface
What we believe ceases to exist
What we see we must be dreaming
What we feel must be deceiving
Once the mist vanishes into the atmosphere
The world Will become real
Our understanding more truthful
Our feelings more thoughtful
Our visions more beautiful

My voice is locked up
The Key is gone
All that is left is my thoughts
If only I could break free
Excape this trap
But its got ahold of me
Dragging me back
Picking at me piece by piece
Taking every cell away that is me
Without these cells I am nothing
My thoughts flow away in wisps
I have no voice
I have no mind
I am nothing
I do not exist