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1.2k · Dec 2011
Beautiful
JKela Smith Dec 2011
I'm forced to believe what I look like isn't beautiful
Skin is in
and bones are too
also, If your over a size 2 you're fat
Being tall is a must,
lighter skin is a plus
and long hair is a bonus.
Magazines, television, radios;
the media tells me what I should look like.
But, what is the "media"?
The media is an idea
and everyone seems to want to be a part of it.
They promote dangerous actions
Bulimia, anorexia, weaves and make up;
just without words
The people behind the media should be revealed,
they are probably fighting with themselves to look like what they advertise.
857 · Jul 2011
Plain Sex
JKela Smith Jul 2011
My first time wasn't how I imagined
Says the words of most girls these days
When I had ***, I had *** because I felt it was the right thing to do
I felt that the guy I thought I loved would appreciate me more
When only the complete opposite happened
But, at the time I didn't know that
I thought *** was the answer to my worries, problems, well my self confidence
I thought it would make me beautiful
When all along I never even understood what I was doing
The first time I understood what *** was,
Was not by having ***, but the time I kissed him last year
When his eyes were sleepy shut, but I still seen the smile that appeared on his face
And from that moment on, I know that *** won't make me beautiful
But, I'm beautiful.
And at 2Am when we looked a mess, after that kiss
I understood that *** is only beautiful with someone  you love
And you can always be beautiful without it.
696 · Feb 2013
Knocking at My Door
JKela Smith Feb 2013
Love doesn't come knocking at my door anymore
The doormat is as unused as my emotions
The feelings got pushed under the rug on the floor
Silence is my new commotion

Your absence was prominent, not a moment to spare
My Happiness was sent in a new direction
My heart beats with sounds of despair
The pain hit me like an infection

Wishfully pondering upon your return
Reality is being shoved in my face
I know you won't, when will I learn
My pride I'll just have to embrace

Living anew, reborn again; for life isn't what it seems sometimes
I'll continue to live, with my head held high, I'm going to keep walking
No matter the path, or the road, I'll continue to climb
Moving along, wiser, I'll know when love comes back knocking.
JKela Smith Jul 2011
The time I live in is not what it used to be
Social networking is the new talk
Texting is the new writing
Skype is the new "hello"

In the midst of all of this I'm caught in a parallel of do's and don't
Lies and untold truths
And then I realize these kids are only speaking from what they see
Not from what they actually know

The words they speak is out of vanity
Insanity, really
And it's as if they have lost all sight of communication
Forced to find a new way

Teens find ways other than physical confrontation to get their point across
Whether it's harass or some picture their parents wouldn't approve of
Their words are no longer something spoken
But, something thought of and hoped to be understood

This day and time isn't anything "normal"
But, what is normal anyway?
Their violent words scar the heart of others
The things they say will never actually come out of their mouths

When you think about it, who really speaks anymore?
Kids use everything else to say what they "feel"
When it's not really what they feel at all
Just a disguise to be someone they aren't, but to gain attention in the process.
Didn't come out how I thought it would. But, I still think it's okay.
623 · Jan 2012
Exist
JKela Smith Jan 2012
If this is what dying feels like
I'm halfway there
I'm a living body
But, my sole is elsewhere
The way I'm feeling can't be real
For don't absorb happiness. It's pain I feel.
I'm nothing but flesh, veins and bones
All that I suffer.. is alone
Sometimes I feel like my stress will be my death
If it is, my hurt will be put to rest
Please help me out of all this
Because this can't be what it feels like to exist.
602 · Dec 2011
Your Touch
JKela Smith Dec 2011
Your touch can be as soft as a feather
A trickling feeling my down stomach
Tickling my body as your hands embrace me

Or

Your touch can be as aggressive as a wrestler
I feel secure as you hold me
Rough housing playfully as the night falls

From the lips that place a kiss
Feeling bliss as if it were my first
Adding a burst of love and joy

Your touch
the only net I want my body to be caught by
The feeling that I can fly when every I'm in your arms
A feeling I never want to die
560 · Dec 2011
Sorry Body
JKela Smith Dec 2011
I'm sorry for all the tears I've cried,
I'll keep re-hydrating with all the water I drink
I'm sorry for all the times I've lied
I didn't think I was good enough for the truth
Sorry for all the times I'd hide
you just weren't beautiful enough
Sorry for being ashamed of who I am
I'm just forced to believe what I am isn't the definition of  **good
533 · Jul 2011
Happiness
JKela Smith Jul 2011
The happiness of others is what I used to desire.
Leaving my unattended needs there to rot,
like this cycle of life that never was returned to.
Being so into pleasing rather than being pleased,
is where my mind left at ease.
Gracefully strolling through life on the outside.
Hiding the pain and lies of my dispise aside .
On a forbidden road my mind placed itself.
Engraved its roots and sprouted something that grew to make me uneasy.
Shaky with the wind and the pollutants that floated through the air.
I didn't care.
As long as I was somewhere, where I thought where I belonged.
Forgetting what's important and necessary.
My heart and soul combined making me choose what to believe and what to leave behind.
My mind formed a world of confusion .
Leaving me to find myself in a place that wasn't clear.
My reality and dreams morphed.
Seeing the darkness of the roots squeezing through.
I cut that unhealthy being of life my mind planted .
Cleared all negative energy and created a new path for myself.
Finding my happiness and clearing my mind of unnecessary seeds.
516 · Jul 2011
Sticks and Stones
JKela Smith Jul 2011
Sticks and stones leave cuts and bruises, but words go deep, and feelings it chooses .
Wounds go away as times go by. But saying words don't hurt. That is a lie .
The intense mellows I hear in the voice. It's as if I have to make a choice,
to let it flow by in the wind or let it replay over and over again .
The sorrow I hear when someone regrets , they know the pain they cause you.
Even when they move on and forget, the cut still seeps inside you .
A broken record you hear the same parts , a chorus of a song .
The simple words that pierced you deep, were there all along .
You can't erase what you heard, the permanent ink bleeds through your soul.
It becomes so heavy you can't take the pain then it imprint its hole .
What you once thought of words, things you use everyday can damage and destroy when used the wrong way. My freedom of speech is just as good.
But you wonder why its criticised when I don't tell a lie.
When I'm real, its wrong.
When I'm right, It's passed along .
But when I hurt someone time stops.
Time stops fot them as it once did for me when I seen that imperfection they pointed out .
And when I realize that it will never go away .
It's easy to be observant than admitting, because once you admit its set in stone and the denial all fades.
505 · Dec 2011
Dear Distance,
JKela Smith Dec 2011
Dear Distance,
You're so close, but so far
I feel as though you've numbed me into thinking you're only space
When actually you're much more
You're not only a number, but you're the number of hours, weeks, months that I'm away from my love
You're not only space, because when I'm with him there is none.
We fill it as though there never was any
My heart flutters in the distance you've created
And I'm supposed to accept it as though nothing is keeping me away
Half of me is somewhere far and I can't even get the slightest touch
I see him through a screen, but once again you've formed yourself into another barrier
Distance please stop playing this game and bring my love back
That's all I ask.
One simple request, I'm lonely

Sincerely,

       A Broken Heart
477 · Jul 2011
Pain
JKela Smith Jul 2011
The pain inside is hidden beneath my smile.
All the while its ripping me apart.
They say sunshine always comes after a rainy storm, but the rainbow isn't appearing for that part
The tears, the rain, the cloudy days
the sun rays aren't beaming through
Is all this hype about happiness really true ?
One step forward, two steps back. Pushing through , but creating a stack.
My stack of sad. Piles up to the sky, if only I could sit on it and push it by.
It's like a ball and chain is attached to my feet
My mistakes and failures are on repeat
The things I once forgot replay in my head
The words I didn't want to hear are now being said
The constant approval of others is something holding me back
Everyone is a critic, they are standing on top of my stack.
My strive to make it out is my motivation to go straight
Opportunity is calling. Don't want to be late.
This world Is so cruel . So filled with hate .
I guess my determination will lead me to my fate.
421 · Feb 2013
Discovery
JKela Smith Feb 2013
In the mist of the dark shadows
Where my heart lies in the moonlight
I found myself
In dancing with the wind, and walking with the sun
A new prospective of life arose
Upon walking a different path
I learned what it meant to be me
415 · Dec 2011
For Christmas
JKela Smith Dec 2011
For Christmas,
I want you under a tree
sitting with a bow
saying you love me

I want the distance to close
just like my eyes do when I imagine you being here
everyday

I want to know that when I go to sleep
it'll have been because it was your duty
and when I wake up
you'll still be next to me

That the long conversations at night
will be exchanged face to face

And that our bodies will be the only thing between us

The memories that swarm my mind will be shortened
because we are making new ones as I remember the old

The fights that weren't remembered
and the kisses that were, provide laughter as we look back

I want distance to not be the reason why I can't see you
but time,
time from our busy lives to make our way to each other

I want you for Christmas

cliche as it may be,
my only wish is to wake up
and see you under that tree
holding a bow,
and saying you love me.
397 · May 2013
Not What It Seems
JKela Smith May 2013
Is it really fake?
The way we smile on the web and pretend things are great
They way we search for the lost relationship we know we won't get back
But in the the curves of the letters we can act like it's okay
Pretend that those years weren't lost and that you were there
Because photos speak a 1,000 words and they're everywhere
On the web it may seem like its peachy keen and that we always had a love that was true.
But the truth lies in what's unseen
And there's nothing to change so for now I'm threw.
387 · Feb 2013
Game Over
JKela Smith Feb 2013
I can’t let you win, again
From the moment I saw you I knew I lost
I knew that things were over before it started because I was in love
When you fall in love you lose, and that’s just the way it is
All power was taken from beneath my feet
Swept me up like dust under a rug and dragged me across the floor
It stood up and laughed at me because I was weak
And there’s no room for weakness here
But your presence made my body writhe with satisfaction
Kissing my body, and your hands tracing down my spine
You made my body dance and move like no other
Reacting to all the glides of your fingers on the small of my back
Your breath, creeping down my neck
My body burning with passion
But once you felt the pressure you stopped
You showed me who was in control
You gave up and left me to fiend for myself
It was like it never happened
You walked away and I have to too,
Because the moment I come crawling back..
Game over
372 · Jul 2011
The Essence Of Life
JKela Smith Jul 2011
The essence of life is so divine that we don't always realize its not what it seems.
Fighting not with others but ourselves to stay alive.
We strive for the best.
But so is everyone else .
The stress keeps us from our motivation, but the inspiration keeps us going .
And going , trying not to settle for less .
I suggest you get to know yourself before you roam around and try to know the world .
Because the world would leave you on your back faster than you can even ask why you deserved to be put in the places where you thought you'd never end up .
Cold and alone, this world filled with crack babies and liquor bottles.
Finding **** before a job and selling yourself for somethin that can't even pay your bills .
Corruption .
The exact place we are headed if we keep treating eachother like we aren't human
,and if we don't find the dignity and pride that is clean enough to walk down the street without feeling like a barrel full of secrets .
Eating up scams ,
and lies that lead you on a road with no point of return
,swerving in and out of lane because baby where your headed ain't someone where anyone would want to be .
Feeling like your stuck between a hard spot and a rock .
You better be strong and throw that rock through that wall
,because without self confidence and pride anyone can break you down
,and you'd be better off beating your head again that rock and wall .
Life.
The essence of it ain't so divine.
Just the thought of it keeps me alive .
353 · Feb 2013
The Phases
JKela Smith Feb 2013
It over took me like a drug
So absorbing to my body that giving in was my only option
I let it sink into my body
My veins
My heart
My brain caught on and gave in too
I was different,
Poisoned
As it sank in, my vision was cleared
That drug like a forbidden fruit gave me a rush
The tip of my tongue quivered
My whole body shivered, all of my senses satisfied
The delight,
Comfort set in and I began putting up with its side effects
The uneasy feeling I got sometimes,
Nothing compared to how it made me feel when I was first dosed
I didn't care,
I needed it,
I craved it
Truth set in and it wasn't what it appeared to be
And ugly face under a beautiful mask
It and betrayal went hand in hand
Lies destroyed the beautiful
But somehow I still wanted it

Love

— The End —