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867 · Jan 2013
My Love
Jilka Jan 2013
Don't cry for me, my love
No need for flowers either

For cheating is a death
And mine was splendid
I kissed his eyes, the sweetest dose
In his bed I trembled

And he was not a regret
Neither were you, my love

If cheating meant dying
I died,
The love we were trying
I tried

If cheating is dying,
I died the sweetest death
For dying beside him
was not a regret

Don't cry for me my love,
I am not worth it

If liars die,
Then I have died among them,
For this pleasure I shall cry,
Tears of joy is what I call them

Although I am young
I have tasted love
Love so strong
I am not willing to absolve

Last words, my love
Don't cry for me
I am not worth it,
If loving him meant dying
I died
And it was worth it.
540 · Jan 2013
us
Jilka Jan 2013
us
Could you love me like you used to?
I fell for his charms
Could we smile together like we used to?
I fell for his eyes.
Are we worth saving? Us?
Even after I've betrayed you?
Even after I broke the glass.

Now I have to walk on this glass
Ask me if I have any regrets.
Plenty.
And I'm ashamed to say,
he is not it.

I'm ashamed to say,
It's Us.
It's Us that I regret.
534 · Jan 2013
Have you ever wondered?
Jilka Jan 2013
Rest your head upon my shoulder
Darling,why are you so grim?
Have you ever ever wondered?
What it is to dream?

Infinite lack of space,
You and I are struggling
Moving at the same pace
Yet our lives, we're juggling

Rest your head upon my shoulder,
Darling, why this gloom?
Ever wondered about getting older?
No? Me neither. I despise the doom.

If you throw me a glance,
A glimmer of hope, I hope to see
And if not, lets remain in this stance
Until the sky is clear

Rest your head upon my shoulder,
Darling, like you used to do.
No more questions, let's just wonder
For now it's only me and you.
519 · Jan 2013
Whisper
Jilka Jan 2013
If I stand at the ledge
With an open window
I only pledge
To never be a widow
When I'm at the edge
Your voice is crystal
In my mind etched
Strong winds
Surround me
Yet I hear
A gentle whisper
So clear
Yet so distant
-'Hello'
Hello, my love
I've missed you.
465 · Jun 2013
Heart In A Body Bag
Jilka Jun 2013
My heart in a black body bag
It said 'Do Not Resuscitate'
Falling for your charms - a trap
That - You can now celebrate

My heart was bruised
Now it beats no more
Black as night
It fell dead onto the floor

Knowing your kind
I still followed you
I warned my little heart
Foolishly, it still admired you

Now it lays in a body bag
They looked for the owner
But my blood-soaked chest
Gave away no clue

I laughed and
said 'I told you so'
The bag was zipped until the end
I will not suffer anymore

When I buried my heart
He came dressed in black
Without words I sank
The sea of silence in the dark

'My Condolences', he said
Without granting me a look
Tall, among the grey of death
he stood

He stood as if he did no wrong;
'How many funerals are on your count?'
To reply, it did not take him long
'I no longer count'

My heart was now another number
Another one that he can cross
My body too, felt number
My path he will no longer cross.
440 · Jan 2013
Gods Refused Me
Jilka Jan 2013
To taste your love once more
Run my cold hands through your hair
Oh, what I wouldn't give

To stare at you, silently
I cannot speak

To taste your love once more
I'll do it all again
Barefoot I will run to you
Under the rain I will follow you

To stare at you, silently
Oh what I wouldn't give

To call you mine
Rest my head upon your chest
Hear you heartbeat

All at once I would give away
To look at you
See you looking back
Oh, what I wouldn't give

My wish to be granted,
I demand!

I have run out of Gods to beg
Ran out of prayers

Oh, what I wouldn't give
Oh, what I wouldn't give

There are no more doors
To knock on

To look at you once more
What I wouldn't give

The Gods I begged
The demons that bought my soul,
I begged.

They did no listen anymore.
426 · Jan 2013
Heartbreak
Jilka Jan 2013
Aching Aching
Always aching
My perfect red heart
Clenched by the nails
Of the devil

I am yours
Always beautiful
Always aching
You have me in your grip
And there is no escaping

I followed you
Like a good little girl
Then I hated you
As the woman I am now
Aching

I did not beg for this hatred
This marvelous and bitter soul
Stretched and torn
Sweetly embraced
In the arms of the devil

Is this a virtue or a curse?
Loving you and aching
My beautiful soul
Slowly breaking
Aching and aching

My sins are not forgiven
As I stare into your despair
You will not let me go
So I will stay like a coward
Aching

I will face my death, my penalty
My ultimate savior, a friend
My soul breaking into thousands of crows
As I stand at the edge of the cliff of my Love
Above me, limitless grey clouds
Aching?
There is no more aching.
I have let go.

— The End —