My eyes jolt open.  I'm in a pool of sweat
Shaking
I can't wash off this foreboding
Feeling
And I can't be sure

Did you know what you were doing?
Your power?
I was completely enraptured
Drawn
Into your eyes and lost

You stood there - just out of reach
Grabbing
Pushing.  Promising.  Lying
It was the desperation I saw on your
Face
That kept me coming back

Was it slow drifting process?
Obsession
Addiction.  Depression.  Madness
I think it always is
But we don't know what's happening
Until it's too late

You stood there - a dead rose in you
Hand
I looked in your eyes and I
Knew
I could not exist without you
I died
Just outside of your arms

And the dreams came.  I can't stop
Shaking
I can't wash off this foreboding feeling
And I can't be sure
Was I kissed by an Angel -
Or Satan himself?

I still miss him sometimes
I find myself thinking
If only I had opened up my heart to him
My soul
Maybe I could have loved him
Maybe I could have healed.  But no
I suffered in silence
Rotting slowly away behind the
Mask
My face smiling.  My soul
Tormented

His eys saw only what I allowed them to perceive
As he looked up at me with so much love
A love I did not deserve
But I took it
Because I did not have the courage to die alone
And I hated myself for that

In the darkest  hours of the night I'd watch him
Sleeping peacefully
As tears edged more lines down my face
Then, I'd turn and stare at the blank
Sterile walls
Finally, finding my way into another tortured
Sleep

Every morning I'd awake in this
Silent castle
And I'd dream of the moment it would be filled
With the sound of a child dancing
I could almost see this child
I could almost touch this child
Every day I'd promise myself
One day she will return
One day I will be worthy
Of his love

But, morning after morning I'd awake
To silence
And him a little farther away
Then there was only the silence
And the sterile walls

If only I had opened up to him

I was sixteen.  I still had so much to give
I gave it all to you
You were my first real heartbreak
That's when it all changed
I changed

I was nineteen the first time you came back
I was already beginning
To die
I can still see the look of horror on your face
"What's  happened to you?"

I used to love hanging by the river on Sunday afternoons
Right at the beginning of spring
Everyone came out to join in the celebration of life
The sun would be shinning
As I danced
Car to car.  High on the excitement
Music and laughter

I fell in love with you one of those Sunday afternoons
It was your innocent charm
And vulnerability
I still remember our first conversation under a tree
You had these big
Blue, expressive eyes
I could almost hear the words you
Wouldn't say

Sometimes,  if I looked deep enough
Long enough
It turned into a mind game
I clung to you.   You pushed me away
I told you one day
You would understand
One day you would
Regret
You told me you never forgot
Those words

I was twenty-three when you came back
The second time
I couldn't seem to make you understand.  The girl you know
Was long gone
You were in love with a memory
A ghost

Enigmatic passions controlling me
Innate fears destroying me
   This I once called love

Ubiquitous emotions.  Feral heart
Animal instincts.  Hungry for fire
  Licking my wounds

Inevitable.   Unthinkable pain
Sublimated into art.  Inspiration-
  or self indulgence?

I had learned to accept - to settle
Dying in spirit.   Then there was
  You

Sunrise over the ocean
Spring flowers wet with dew
  New awakening

The ebb of the ocean
Pulls me to you
  My destiny

One heart.   One soul.  One mind
One spirit.  Cord of three strands
  Unbreakable

Life is about color 
All color
We must experience the spectrum
A time to laugh
A time to cry
A time to love
A time to hate
A time to dance
A time to mourn
A time to build up
A time to tear down

A time to heal

Walking alone in the forrest of love
   With you
A tree fell, but did it make a sound?
   Nobody heard
There was no one else around

I think I know what I think I saw
   Love's fire in your eyes
But your words - they say it was all a lie
   Splattered colors
Slowly form a picture in our minds
  Shades of dark
  Shades of light
Beautiful music played out of time

Standing alone with a truth
     Nobody else knows
You're pushing me away,  but wont let go
     Trees are falling
     A love is dying
But noone hears the crying
Rain is coming down.   There' no one else
   Around
What am I to do?
    Alone
In the forrest of love with you

In the darkness there is a light that shines
   And touches us
In our weakest moments there is a strength
    That lifts us
We close our eyes and we know
     We are not alone
There is a spirit within us
       Whispering
A language that is not our own
       Yet we understand
We feel its devine power filling us
       Embracing us
Comforting even our deepest wounds

It is in these moments.   In our hour of
       greatest need
When we see the second set of footprints
       In the sand