i.
"I do not support war
in any context."
My father told me making blanket statements such as this
is foolish and naive.
No one will ever take me seriously
sometimes war is necessary.
No.
The pacifist in my bones
hates bloodshed
hates violence.
The recovering self mutilator in my chest
was only okay with it
if it was directed
at myself.
War removes
flesh and bone
blood and life
love and hope.
It makes it impossible even to live in the world
even to be able to
breathe.
ii.
"People can coexist
once prejudices are eradicated."
Father calls this
"liberal propaganda"
He'd rather bask in his ignorance
Listen to Fox News
Where all his "facts" are spat at him
By old white dudes and
coined hot blondes.
Freddie Gray did not need to die
Michael Brown did not need to bleed
Eric Garner was merely trying to
breathe.
iii.
"Anxiety isn't just
stress."
My mother tells me in the midst of the storm
That it is not even
raining.
She continues to hammer the belief
into my brain
that if I would stop stressing myself out
*I would be okay.
Mom,
I'm not alright.
Mom,
I seldom get sleep at night.
Mom,
I can't hold on much longer.
Mom,
I can't even
breathe.
iv.
"You feel depression everywhere."
This one is true
in part.
Sometimes,
depression is a freight train,
bruising your sickly lungs
smashing your broken heart
pressing a knife into your back
and twisting.
But other times,
depression is the absence of
all feeling
And that
is all you feel.
the remainder of the knife in the back
the shatter pieces of your broken heart
the shriveled up portions of your lungs
leaving you constricted so tightly
you find yourself struggling to
breathe.
v.
"When I fall,
I fall hard."
I sit on the suede couch
in my shrink's office.
We try to gather the scattered bones
I lost after falling off the wagon
yet again.
Relapse will never stop *******, not because of the behavior
but because of how much faith you lose
in yourself.
Questions flood your body's once stable floor
How could I let this happen?
&nb