"I’m sorry I plastered up my bricks of wall so high and pushed you away when all I really wanted was for you to stay. I need to warn you, don't come too close, or you'll get strike by the thunder storm that I've disguised (i guess it was too late) I'm sorry, i guess i was afraid, afraid because i'm known to hurt the ones i love. So, with that i need to let you go now. I’m giving you your get out of jail card. yes you’re finally free, so run as fast as you can and i’ll fade away, I’ll escape. I’m sorry there’s nothing left to stay, will you forgive me?" I whispered to you. With that you left, just like the rest, and i understand why, who wouldn't deny.

so much anxiety,

there’s so little time.

no where to run,

there’s no where to disguise.
hey do you remember september, 

dreams for you and me? 

or did you tie them to an anchor,

& send them out at sea?
chained in my head,

stranded at sea, 

wondering where you are, 

now that you are free.

She laid awake at 3 am on her bed, where the demons and monsters come out to play. “Look at the mess you've made, you’re a terrible person” they said and with the deafening of silence in reply, she hears only her heart throb like it was at war, she feels a sudden gush of blood. She feels a twinge in between her knees and an extra weight upon her shoulders, she feels as though an invisible “please handle with care, fragile” sign was hung upon her forehead, “Please go away, please make it stop” she cried, only to feel more. Then she remembered fondly, the first time she felt alone running through her veins all over again.
and that was the last time she will ever feel alone because now she has gone back to sleep, and by doing everyone a favor, she’s not waking up.

"i need to leave" and as soon as she lays her feet on the cold unforgiving of his bedroom floor, he grabbed her arm by surprise, jolt her head up, looked right into her cloudy grey eyes and said "but i’ll miss you"

I miss the dark forest of your hair
I miss looking at the stars twinkling beneath your waves like that autumn night, where the both of us laid on the soft sand of beach like your hands.
I miss the freckles on your face like constellations
I miss looking at the moon hidden between the pupils of your ocean blue eyes, just like that autumn night, where the both of us cuddled up under a star spilled sky and you kissed me all night. You looked right into my mess pieces of soul, and i looked into yours, and we both just knew.

I guess we met at the wrong time, I guess hope wasn't around when you said hello, I guess glimmers and sparkles wasn't enough. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Maybe one day years from now, we'll meet in a small coffee shop or a record store in a far away city somewhere, maybe one day we'll pass each other on a rainy day to work, we'll smile and maybe we could give it another shot.

I’m beginning to feel terrible all over again. I could feel the numbness between my bones and the soreness of my hands as I hold on tight to the end of the rope. I feel my arms tire, my eyes swell, my hair tangle, my lips crack, watching the deep dark alley below, only yearning to let go. I’m beginning to feel like I’m drowning all over again and I know, I know, no one can save me from myself but myself, but how can I possibly save myself from drowning had I been the one who drowned myself in the first place? how? how..? Knowing that I’d only flood my lungs more and drown deeper not into the sea of thoughts but rather more into the sea of empty souls, broken heartbeats, dying words, muffled cries and wrecked minds.

Words ******* like the sheets around their feet,
their minds knotted like shoelaces,
as she remembered the night when they were so in love,
as she held on to his warm baseball t-shirt,
as she stared right into his eyes that twinkles like the stars,
‘stay’ she whispered.
And then all of a sudden,
she’s left with nothing but the cold winter breeze,
without a trace of cleaned souls,
her echoes echo back,
'please'

I’m in love with you in the darkest dreams, i’m in love with you in the quietest of nights, i’m in love with you in the coldest of winter days. too many empty nights wrapped up in my knit sweater wondering why i held onto you although there was nothing for me to hold onto anymore. too many dead cold nights where i long for your warmth though the ice had started to melt and the flowers had started to bloom. too many mornings hoping the sun does not reveal my swollen eyes. i know it’s bad but i’m still sick in love with you.

"Once there was a mother and child alike,
They travelled the world,
Exploring earth's greatest sights,
Too soon the mother had to leave her child,
She was not ready, too little, too mild.
"Don't leave me mother!,"
She cried out in a fit.
"Don't worry my child, I've left you a gift,
The rarest of diamonds,
The most precious of gems,
The gift of Jewel,
None can comprehend."
"She will guide you through harsh weather and storm,
She will be there to keep you warm."
Her beauty was undeniable,
That much she could say,
Inside and outside,
It was the same both ways.
Her smile put an end to the saddest of days,
It was a shame that she could not see,
The courage inside her,
Struggling to get free.
She was a person of many thoughts,
She always cards and never stopped.
She was hurt too many times before,
The child was determined to change this once more,
She found a silver lining to every cloud,
And taught the child more than she was allowed.
But there were nights when even crystals turned into stone,
Those nights,
She cried to herself, alone.
She needed to know that the child would always be there,
She wouldn't leave,
She wouldn't dare.
A sacred oath,
Never to be seeped,
"forever and always."
A promise they planned to keep."

You tucked my strayed strand hair behind my ears, causing my head to jolt up, you kissed me gently on the nose and told me that you loved me. I believed your so softly twisted lips, "you're a fool" a quiet voice whispered. As tears stained my cheeks, I watch you tear the pieces of our photograph just like how you teared my heart, I'm broken just like your "I love you's" For you left without a moment of hesitation, and your footprints has tainted my scars with memories.