Write You Out
Written by:
Jessy Andrews
8-10-2010
11:07 AM CST
Poem 18

This is the last time I will write about or to you.
This is the last time I will ever have anything to say.
It is now time that I submit to writing you out.
It is now time to erase your manifestation from mine.

It’s taken me three long months to admit I’m fine.
Three long months I’ve had to come to terms, come to peace.
I watched as you started wasting away.
I counted the days to the time I could make what we had cease.

I don’t hold a grudge against you.
I just want nothing more to do with you.
I don’t care what you think about me.
I don’t care how you feel about me.

I have merely released myself by setting you free.
Yes! You abused the love I so willingly gave.
You were that hard lesson I was hoping I would never have to learn.
Your touch isn’t a memory I want to save.

Think me cold, think me harsh, think me mean.
Keeping you around wasn’t worth the hurt and pain I was accumulating.
With you I was becoming too weak and too vulnerable.
A future we weren’t allowed, we were too busy be complicated.

This is the only time I recall my heart and mind working as one.

Now don’t look for me. Don’t come and find me.
The damage is done. The illusion has died.
I eventually saw you for who you were.
In me you found it too difficult to confide.

That unfortunately was half your undoing.
The other half was your multitude of lies.
Some day I will be able to forgive you.
Some day I won’t  feel so cold.

Right now that doesn’t matter and I must heal with time.
I wash you out of me.
Your energies I no longer own.
I’m taking much pride in surviving alone.

No longer will I be inhibited.
No longer am I a boy too easily fooled.
Too many shadows of former selves do I have.
What it is that you really saw of me I’ll never truly understand.

Too long I’ve let you have the upper hand.
I’ve said my goodbye.
I’ve released you from my heart.

This is the last thing I have to say to you.
How to love me you had no real clue.
Hopefully life for you will some day be worth your while.
Hopefully without me you’ll be able to bear a smile.

Powerful Focus
Written by:
Jessy Andrews
5-20-2010
1:23 PM CST
Poem 14

I need to escape.
I need to run away.
This mind is frazzled.
Hell I am having grounding myself.

Too much going on.
Can’t keep track of it all.

When I’m scared.
When I’m hurting.
When I’m angry.
I come back to this.

I try to come back and comfort myself by taking up the pen.
It seems to be the most healthiest place to go to.
Inside my mind the one to judge me is me.
Only I can punish myself for the mess of my mind.

Yes, right now I know not where I’m going in my life.
And with any silence I can come across. I seek out answers.
I ask to be taken out of struggle and out of strife.
Right now my nerves are tied in a knot.

My own personal happiness cries out to be sought.
Knowing where I’m at now has been a battle hard fought.
I want to cry, but my body won’t let me.
I can’t right now. I have to be strong.

Words again flying through my head.
A lot of them going too fast for me to catch.
Wishing just a few of them would crash onto my paper.
At this moment in this place and time they seem to be finding their flow.

I do now recognize that my path starts to again grow.
A newer life is starting to ignite.
Into this flame I bravely and gladly go.
It is time for me to embrace freedom and take flight.

I need to escape.
I need to run away.
My mind though feels a little clearer.
The hour are now drawing nearer.

I know not what the future holds.
I am just trying to live in the now.
Though I find myself still drifting into the unknown.
It gives me some strange form of comfort.

My time now is here to experience a new zone.
I am now free. I can and will do what I want.

I will escape.
I will not run away.
No longer am I a being to haunt

Pale Moon Light
Written by:
Jessy Andrews
5-4-2010
9:29 PM CST
Poem 13

Into the night I again go.
Faint light touches my skin.
No shadow do I cast.
Haunting only to those who bother to cast an eye upon me.

What they see will  burn deep into their memory.
How long will it last?
That is for the one who cast the eye on me to determine.
I again become a child

This is where I once made my mark.

The night time world was once caught unexpected.
It embraced me then as it embraces me still.
In it was the strength to heal.
I go back into it now for the same reason.

Pain, it’s a constant in life.
It’s cold, staying sharp as a double bladed knife.
Such a strange energy and feeling comes from this power.
Opening these arms to it I am.

I merely await the witching hour.

My eyes are trained to stay focused upon a darkening sky.
Breathing in the oncoming nights air.
Taking on a very pure high.
I want to go out and dance among the stars.

Melt away all of my past scars.
All of my past fears.
Encompass me within the soft breath of night.
For now I am it’s child.

I walk out into it and take a deep breath in.
I sense a storm coming in.
I release the breath and feel tingling underneath my skin.
As others pass me by my eyes stay focused on the darkened sky.

The faint light that now graces my presence.
It will soon disappear into total and complete blackness.
I’ll stand in it as the thunder roars.
I’ll get soaked as the rain caresses the ground.

Into the night I will now stay.
Moving silently, I will not make a sound.
Others presences and thoughts are mine to haunt.
Without the light of the moon they are my victims.
They are mine to haunt.

Never Again
Written by:
Jessy Andrews
6-25-2010
11:24 AM CST
Poem 15

Walking into a new day.
For the first time in my life I’m truly terrified.
Don’t really know why.
I’ve spent all year preparing for this.

But this morning I woke up with a new feeling.
My perception of my own life came back.
Something inside did finally click.
Putting me back on track.

Truth be known I am perfectly able of healing my own wounds.

I let darkness come back over me.
In solitude I gave no reason as to why.
It hurt and it was very uncomfortable.
Spiritually I began to suffer and that in itself is a very cold way to die.

Been looking to the moon.
Asking her to shed some wisdom.
Quit reminding me of where I’ve been.
Educate me on where I am going.

In stillness I must allow myself to go again.
There is a peace still worthy of knowing.
I’m far from ready to give up.
Far from read to just let go.

To live naturally I must again practice.
The need for immediate reaction I need to sacrifice.
Life works on its own terms.
Right now I need to be a follower.

Running away and escaping is not an option.
A guardian to myself I am now.
Sacred energies I must now again contact.
From the outside world I am no longer its to distract.

Anybody that comes into my life understand one thing.
This moment in time I am a walking evolution.
I will not be side tracked again.
I will now induce my energy transfusion.

For me there is no final destination.
Even beyond the grasp of death.
My comprehension is limitless.
I will not ever again be stripped and be made powerless.

Some say you are your own enemy.
Some say you are your own greatest threat.
I don’t totally agree.
I still have yet to witness another pitiful downfall.

Now that my vision has come back intact.
The path now again illuminates with the colors of my never forgotten neon vision.
As the colors bleed back into me.

It is forever my right. It is forever my privilege to embrace my life that’s free,

Blistered Heart
Written by:
Jessy Andrews
5-3-2010
1:34 PM CST
Poem 8

This pain is loud and very much alive.
I wish I could say I know not where it comes from.
But, I can’t. It’s made itself quite obvious.
I wish it would just let me go numb.

I know what it is. It’s the rock hard fist of reality.
Reminding me that it was me that made a decision.
One that needs to be followed through all the way.
Giving me absolute reason and leaving me with nothing to say.

Is my world falling apart?
Or is it just following the rhythm of this blistered heart?
I don’t like having to make tough decisions.
But, neither does anybody else that I’m aware of.

The Universe tells me the time to move on has come.
It tells me I’ll have the support that I’ll need.
So why must I still bleed?
Hardships said to be coming my way.

Only is it me that sees them only as an illusion.
A reflection of growing into the future self.
For a being that lives in the sunlight of the Now.
A reflection such as that is hard to swallow.

But it is the way of making this being more secure.
Secure in finally being my own person.
It is to the stars that I pray.
Pray for the strength to face this new vision that’s not so far away.

My time has come. My time is here.
To fulfill my own prophecy.
The one I’ve ran from. The one that has fed into my fear.
Burying myself so deep into the darkest of my shadow.

A claim to the energies of something chaotic.
No I must embrace them.
May the flame again rise in me.
Revitalizing this heart so blistered.

ÓMinistries of the Chaotic Publishing Inc.

Regret
Written by:
Jessy Andrews
2-25-2010
1:24 AM CDT
Poem 3

I feel no real emotion towards regret.
To me it’s not really an emotion.
It’s merely a darker part of creation.
A darker part of the spirit.

The darker part where only self loathing breeds.
Where all that will destroy feeds.
Not a pretty place.
Regret, if left unattended finds its way to the brain.

Once there it becomes like a fungus.
Hard to ignore, much harder to get rid of.
It penetrates and grows heading straight into the blood stream.
In the beginning when your first in its grasp it feel likes a very bad dream.

I don’t allow any place for it.
There’s simply no room.
If it tries to enter it instantly gets a access denied.
No room for its seed to grow into a bloom.

Like a wound if given no oxygen to breathe.
It will merely just disappears.
Evaporating like the rain left from a storm that ends suddenly dissipating in the sky as it clears.
That is the freedom from regret.

It’s just a word.
It truly holds no real power.
Only those who believe in it allows it to exist.
And when they open the door it becomes harder to close.

I’ve watched as this has happened countless times.
I’ve watched as it has come to haunt those close to me.
The mystery of why they allow this to happen remains unsolved.
Regret in itself should be dissolved.

But, it’s exposure is very much on a wide range.
Reluctant it is of course to merely change.
It’s a part of our human condition.
A part of our governing psyche.

Breathing in its toxic breath.
Following us into our very moment of death.
I refuse its company.
A key it is to the very corer of depression.

An emotion in itself is strong  enough to ****.
I feel no emotion to this thing called regret.
Complete I become still without.
It’s place within me has no residence.

Look inside and what you’ll find is such clear evidence.




©Ministries of The Chaotic