Today I know that I love you and
There is nothing more terrifying in the world than

Realizing you don’t know HOW to love someone  

Realizing you don’t know what it’s like to be loved

Realizing that you might be changing your whole life

Feeling your heart fill with emotion and eyes swell with tears
Knowing you just want to be alone but
While I stare into your sleeping face and listen to your earthquaking snores, I think about your face when you laugh or when you’re excited and
I think about how hard you make me ***
And I realize that I do love you but that shouldn’t make me feel so alone
I feel like I’m doing this all wrong

I can still feel your breath on my neck and
I can still feel your hands on my face
It’s like poking the bruises I can’t remember how I got
Tender and painful
You tell me how happy you are traveling the world
How happy she makes you but
You still have a tattoo of me and
I wish I could cut it off piece by piece
I wish I couldn’t remember the curl in your hair
I wish I couldn’t remember your hands on my legs
I just want to sleep but
It’s so **** hot and I can’t stop touching my bruises and
I’m still so **** mad

I could write about you forever
but that wouldn’t stop the fact that
every night I wake up to see tiny puffs of smoke
they look like tiny jellyfish swimming through the air
the little tentacles unfolding
I wonder if this could be GOD right before my eyes
or if it’s a brain tumor
hopefully it’s just a hallucination
because I’m still here, I’m still alive