Your room is hardly furnished
In the way the soul kids live
Where everything fits in a backpack
A copy of fear and loathing
And 5000 songs on one playlist.
I have never felt so
    "god you're incredible"
As I do with you.
I've never slept in one position
On your arm
For an entire night.
Then I become a girl and think
Of things I'd never tell you.
Like how beautiful our kids would be.
Or that I refuse to love you because
I know I'll hurt you.
The way I hurt everyone.
Suddenly. Harshly. When you
Love me the most.

Mine eyes are cold behind the blue.
I tell you so you know you cannot reach
what I will not hand you.
I don't like any sort of it
or us
or you
involving me.
I am my own and choose to stay that way.  

Once when I belonged to someone supposedly unhurtful
he was hurtful.  And I don't trust
because it's silly. I don't care
because it's convenient. And if any part of you
can think it can change any part of me
it's not a challenge
it's a warning.

I will give you one but twice
is not my responsibility
and third is just your fault because I told you.
I told you that all I am is blue.
I am blue and eyes and soul and
none of it belongs to you or ever will.

The rain makes you look so
pretty. The way you hold your
head like a cocked crane, but
slightly. Always looking up at me even
though you're taller. idontknow how you did it.
But you managed me
exactly when I wouldn't let you.

I've never been anything defined,
a cloud.
Waiting and hating inside,
out loud.
I've never felt the shifting of colors,
change.
I love everything individually, singularly,
insane.