i am a
machine
not in appearance;
i am not
a jumble of wires and cogs,
but, in spirit
for i measure everything out
to the soft, rhythmic ticks
of my unfeeling
heart

i.
we were
inseparable
‘til the day your
mother died
ii.
i was too
young
and you were a
thrill
iii.
you got your
friend
and tried to bring
me to my
knees
iv.
like the changes of the
seasons
you never make up your
mind
and come back to
haunt
me from time to time
v.
you wanted
more
than i could
give;
i’m sorry
vi.
like a
beast
you
tainted
me
vii.
my eternal
maybe,
you kept me in a
jar
desperate for your
kiss
viii.
you brought
sunshine
to my clouded
mind
but
whisked
it all away

do you ever just
feel
the weight of the world
balancing precariously
on your curved spine,
like a dancer who
missed
the beat throwing the
entire
company out of line
we may all have
troubles
but mine are
anchored
to the lungs, with every
aching breath another
mouthful
of blood

if I could bottle
memories
i’d
save us
waltzing in
the moonlight
pretending
we weren’t
in love

have you ever felt so
alone
not a single
touch
could warm
your bones
and each
ragged breath
unveils your
chest
and the frantic
mess of a
heart that lies
beneath

Save me
Father
for I am
ashamed
of my ways
but he
laughed

i had fallen down
the rabbit
hole
into wonderland
but
here i am;
right side up

how silly of
me
to ever think you’d
agree
to withstand a
breath
of autumn air

i like to think that when we lay
under covers,
buried deep
that our lungs sigh
the other’s name
and our hearts whisper the same

In the ebony swirled night, the stars
are alight.
But, you, my dear, are a-glowing
.
Heaven’s angels guard the pearl
white gate, seraph blades showing
.
Hellfire has never burned brighter
but our souls have never been lighter
.
Phantoms waltzing into the light.
But, you my dear aren’t going
.
The trail of your tresses adrift in the
wind.
Keep me afloat, for I am grinning, our
hearts are sinning
.
I will follow you into the dark.

the scientist found
solitude
in the gentle quiet
but his thoughts became consumed with
silent cackles

Darling, did I make you up
inside my head?
The phantom of your touch
still lingers here
And it hurts to know you
barely care
While i’m alone and you’re
happy elsewhere.

she has visions of the
Jazz Age
so she sits and sips her
chardonnay
and all she wants to do is
dance
but he keeps her sitting
pretty so she
watches
the other couples twirl past

In a Kingdom by the Sea,
you kept me cold
in the closet of your mind
.
We were children who
made promises of love,
but for all my lovelorn words,
it never came close to others
.
You theorized our demise by an
unseen hand,
and a voice that whispered
death inside your head
.
And this was the reason
that in our kingdom
you wrenched my grip
from your wrist and let the
wind take me
.
The voices left you
complacent in your
decision to rid me from
our kingdom, blaming
others for the love that
was never given
.
I do wonder from time to
time if I ever cross your
mind and if you’re waiting in
Our Kingdom by the Sea

The phantom of your presence no longer holds me;
captive
The tightened coil
You kept
around me snaps and my lungs fill with air, but
no one
else will hear the quiet, timid pulse of the haggard heart
You left
with me here

don’t take me to a
garden
i like my flowers
dead
for, the most
beautiful things
have
the most bitterest
end

i've never found another's
mask of pain to be
attractive
what's the beauty
worth if it's a charade of
hurt and why do people insist i
play their mummer's game
don't inquire why my frown will
not turn upside down
do you really want me to
force an emotion so pure i
fall to my knees just
thinking of it
so go on and hold me
down; cut me ear to ear
make me join the
hollow rest of you
if you want to see me
smile, better call me
Chelsea

i spent freshman year in bed
stayed up every night
with a crown of thorns on my head
burdens i balanced on my bony shoulders
eating away at the sempiternal hope
i had held for myself
every breath was marred
by a nail to the side
and i waited quietly
for my body to die

not a single force on earth could
famish the flame that
grew from a single kiss and i
feel so empty without your
hooked wings surrounding and the
heat of your lips on my
jugular vein

those who say He
has horns
have never known His face
and, those that claim He
has hooves
have never sighed His name
for He, has eyes
that rival the morning sky,
a voice as soft as the
timid pulse,
and hands that’ll make you
quiver
yet He does ****
the wicked
because
He still haunts me

i was once
an esteemed
butterfly catcher
and you were
my iridescent
prize
but i couldn’t
pin
such a
beautiful
specimen
down

if I followed
the
heart line
on
my hands,
would they
lead
to you?

i suffocate
under the weight of the burdens
laid out on my chest
fruitlessly i struggle, there is no rest
i’d like to believe there’s a reprieve
out there for someone like me
but I know that’s a fallacy
i’m too eager to see

it landed on my shoulder
and chirped in my ear
your voice
i closed its beak
but it rang in my ear
its ignorant eyes blinked
vaguely back
i had made you up
once again

She said;
‘One day you’ll
grow up
and
escape all this
madness,
One day you’ll
find
some happiness’
But i’m still
waiting

i dreamed
You kissed me
square
in the face
You turned into
a beast
shredding me
open
exposing
the pieces
i had tried
to keep hidden
i cried
‘oh God, why
won’t you save me?’
He laughed,
left me
burned,
ashamed
and You watched
with blind
eyes

my heart was left
in washington
in a small town
by the sea
with your hand
in my pocket
in our hair,
the breeze
the fire dances
in your eyes
and i'll lean in to

kiss thin air
i can't feel my hands
in your hair
and i'm gripping
the sheets like they'll
keep you there

and i'm left with this
sempiternal ache
for an unanswered
plea

like a faucet that always
trickles
i let my mind empty
itself

insanity
is doing the same thing
the same way
and expecting a different
result
i didn’t believe this
‘til i found myself passing you by
everyday
waiting for you to
speak

with bated breath,
i wait
beneath the ocean foam
your ship makes wave among the currents
and i can hear the ancient sigh
of weariness
coming from the captain’s sweet lips
for i am a weary creature too,
i must attain you
o captain, my darling captain
do you hear my sweet song?
lean over for a kiss
i am alone in my thoughts
with the sea;
join me

i fell in love with a boy who'd never grow up

even when
his chin grew whiskers
that tickled my face as he kissed me
even when
his hands calloused and weathered
as he strummed songs about change and caressed me
even when
he held me in his arms
and shook with ecstasy

he wouldn't grow up
and he's never grown up

vanity is a tricky thing. it’s funny how a
sliver of glass can destroy you,
make you see the parts you wish to bury
deep
down.
and it whispers temptations of skipped meals
and losing time with friends
with hollow words
hollow like your frame
hollow as you’ve become
because you thought you gained weight

I locked my heart away
with equations
and hoped they could solve them
those that came close, had
no patience
those who were wrong,
didn’t care
but, what defies logic
is you solved it
and erased the answer

i used to play with
fire,
but feeble burns did not
scare
me, so i moved to
metal,
but the scars were not
enough
so now i flirt with
death
and drink her
poison
because i watch you
help
yourself to it every
night.

i think i made you up in my sleep
the way you weave in and out so inconsistently
of my life with your broken promises
you left me
alone;
a single word that can drive a man to madness
alone:
what drove me to madness
yet, one day i didn't feel--
alone
i restitched the seams in my wrists
i rewound my brain
and i rewired my heart
some days i can almost feel
and your memories bring bliss
i'm no longer
alone
yet i haven't overcome the
loneliness

i knew a boy with bright eyes
in the winter
he smelled like iron
and wore
a leather jacket
he lent me once
.
i knew a boy with bright eyes
in the springtime
he had scars all up his
arms
and an embrace like an
anchor
that kept me gripped to
reality
.
i loved a boy with bright eyes
in the summer
he showed me his
hideaway
and talked of the
future
like i was a part of it
.
i know a boy with dull eyes
who hides in a stranger’s
skin
with lips i never could
kiss
and a cold, stoic
farewell
.
and it’s all my fault

i find beauty in the
most simplistic
things
like the way we lie
exposed
and listen to our hearts
beat

time
is the crease in my
brow
or the flecks in my
skin
not the manic
tick
tock
of an overworked
clock

you gave me your
weathered
jacket and slipped a
promise
in the pocket
i wore it for the
night
and returned it with my
heart
whispered in the seams

i once
loved
a tree
with
warped
branches
and
tattered
leaves

i don’t understand the
finality
of death
every funeral i’ve ever attended
felt
like watching someone
rest

loneliness
was not walking around
my empty neighborhood in the dark
and having to leave you before light
because you wouldn’t come inside
loneliness
was walking beside you
and holding a hand, so brief
that wasn’t mine

like the
carrion crow
you
scavenged
on my mad
descent
and
forced
love
from the
walking dead

this
tidal wave
beneath
my skin
pounds
inside my
veins
.
the watersong
that
calls, drives
me
quite insane

misery
you’ve kept me company
when the rest of the world
walked out
fill up my bottle tonight
and let me take another swig of
loneliness

i knew from the day i was
born you had
wished
my blanket was
blue