Jessica Rojan

Jessica Rojan Jan 2011

This could be brilliant,
but the static electricity is eating me,
the cause to the storm is unknown,
and there's poison leaking from your veins,

A story so raw,
Behind the green eyes that gave this world a name,
So bare, so open,

It's breathtaking--

--In the literal sense of the form.

This writing spills like word *****,

The peircing cold is lonely;
but the burning bridges sting,

And it's all we've ever known,
to ****, to hurt, to succeed,
...and to love.

But to run?
My feet can only take me so fast,
and I've learned to give up that past.

The vast unknown I only call home,
The mixed signals and mixed drinks have brought me here,
And I can't shake this feeling,

I am a paradox myself
And no one can know the whole of me.

This anticdote of fables,
My treasure chest filled with lies,
My heart is the bare, lonely story,

**And only the pen can console me.

Jessica Rojan Jan 2011

Still

And even though I believe it,
Those words would never grace your ear
And even if I wanted it,
It's everything I fear.

If I could swear to you up and down,
by the moon and the stars and the sky
I would swear to you it's fake,
I've learned to hush those words with lullaby.

If I could keep denying it,
If only I could see beyond my eyes,
I still deny the mess I've made,
I would give you reasons for this lie.

If only I didn't just stand there,
Watching you slowly fade to black,
If only I could've stopped you,
Lepidoptera, I only want you back.

My dreams still keep you alive,
Full-bloom and full of force,
My concious mind couldn't fathom this,
And so you've gone without remorse.

I couldn't tell you what you wanted,
So you've gone and left me here,
Now I'm left with only your memory,
And that's everything I fear.

Jessica Rojan Jan 2011

The Tide

Everything that I have become
And all that you are

Collides

Defeating and out-beaming
The very horizon,
That gave us reason.

The tide that once left us barren
Has stripped our turpentine tinged hearts
Of the poison
that would have been near death--
leaving both of us blind;
counting our regrets

The unmarked streets
And left behind cars
Reap melodies from that summer,
and all of its shooting stars.

Hands that came together,
the pleasure in the fame--
the feeling that we hid,
the wind stinging both of our brains,

So comfortable on that piece,
Of forbidden land
fingers interlaced,
Toes deep in sand

And when the tide came back,
I saw it on your face--
The sadness behind your eyes,
You had to leave this place.

The crash had come too soon--
And the sky had hung too dark,
all feeling left the room,
And I watched the tide tear us apart.

Jessica Rojan Nov 2010

Resemblances

I can only imagine,
That if the stars aligned in my favor,
that the moon would show me it's face,
purest and truest form of blue,

And it would remind me of you,
Shades of gray -- all of that too.

I watch the way you pull on the tide,
But I also watch the sun set every day,
And it never changes.

If the sun whispered to me,
I would probably watch the world explode,
Little drops of our oceans,
Slowly dripping and curling around my fingers,

Awe-stricken and breathless,
I lift my head from my pillow,
Only to find you life-less,
Dreaming, much deeper than I.

If there was anywhere in the world I could choose to be,
it's under your eyelids,
And I would proudly ask the Earth,
to give me that very chance.

*I want to be more than a passing glance.

Jessica Rojan Nov 2010

Bullet-hole

Tell me all about it,
about the mess you made
while I gave in,
and caved.

Tell me about all the ****** up fun you're having
but I see your feet behind you, dragging
and you're staggering,
because the words you already said are creeping up on you.
You're acting like you don't know what to do,
and I'll save this bullet-hole for two,
when I watch this tumble just like the rest,
and I will catch the look on your face when the world says, "that's enough"

But is it ever enough?

I catch the phrases, the looks and the phases,
I catch the glimpse of you so often,
I catch my mind trapped
Almost where it's all eyes on me,
and you seem to believe,
that it's all over before it could ever begin,

and I'm wondering,
if maybe it's me that's struggling,
Hiding behind my crimson red curtain,
Shielded and sitting behind the storm
Watching the audience gasp as you rip yourself in two

What should I do?

My soles have lost the strength
and my heart has lost all faith,
But here I am standing,
Intact,
Disorganized,
and steaming.
And I can feel your silent screaming,
It's tearing you in two.

And as I pull back that trigger,
I'll watch your eyes get bigger,
Just promise me you won't leave,
When things start to become hazy,
Because life just gets so crazy,
and it's never enough to ask you,
It's never enough to wonder,
It's never enough to worry,
It's never enough to see me.

This bullet-hole for two,
Reeks of me and you,
and I'm standing confused, as usual,
Wrapped around my own dreams,
and plotting my own schemes gets tiring.
But I'm betting my two-cents that you'll stop your running and calm down,
before the storm comes to take you out to sea,
breaking you, taking you,
and pulling you apart at your seams.

Jessica Rojan Nov 2010

Goodbye.

Handcrafted and artisan,
Built perfectly to fill the gap,
Sweet whispers of your words,
but I know they'll never last,
as we drift off to our own worlds,
bodies held together tight,
I know that tomorrow comes,
we both knew it was the final night.

Wind flutters across the faces,
of both of us in your bed,
the cold night could shake us up,
but the covers keep warm instead.
I know that nothing lasts forever,
I knew that this never would,
We did so much to fight it,
But defeating the demon -- we never could.

So serene and unexpected,
clenching fists around my waist,
the days were never perfect,
How much life did we waste?
Bitter anger and suppressed hatred,
creep below our feet,
Swift sounds of peaceful slumber,
That lead to our defeat.

I watched for so long,
the beginning of our demise,
and now I watch that anger tumble,
and now I see through all of the lies.
Hugging tightly at the sound,
of our last night's sleep as one,
I wake up in the morning,
to the sight of rising sun.

Our bodies laid limp,
Hands firmly at our sides,
Our tongues remained inside our lips,
And I watched that part of our world die.

Jessica Rojan Nov 2010

Five AM

Oh no.

Here I go again
I don't know what it is,
and I sure as hell don't know where to begin.
And who would've thought
I would allow myself to fall in a pit so deep?
Who would've ever thought,
I would ever have allowed myself to consider that leap?

Foolish, foolish, foolish girl.
So silly to ever believe
That you and I could ever be,
But that's what foolish, silly girls get,
For wearing their gold hearts on their sleeve.

But wait,
I am confused.

What is my next move?
And what have you got to prove?

Sometimes I find myself,
frolicking in my own day dreams,
and I don't know what it is,
but I know it isn't what it seems.

Is it all that I wanted?
What about you is so surreal?
I'm trapped between conversations,
and I know this isn't what I feel.

I feel so...

odd.

Peculiar.
Out of breath.

Tearing apart my mind -- chasing something,
but I don't understand what it is you left.

This isn't like myself,
to dream of such a sudden death.

Round one and I'm winning,
Round two and you take the lead,
Round three is what I'm hoping for,

Round three is what I need.

Aimless, curious, content,
The things that flutter about my mind,
I know my words don't always make sense,
But I am stuck in a giant bind.

Please don't mistake me for thinking,
anything is more than what it is,
Repeated words and phrases,
Repeated stories and repeated praises,

I am so lost,
And so keen on knowing why our paths have crossed.

Am I making this up?
Am I really dreaming this dream?
Wake me up please.

It's five AM and
**I'm sinking.