I wonder if I ever cross your mind time to time.

Have my eyes really shown
That I am so blissfully alone?
I don't know why it appears that way,
It's weird not keeping it in this way.
I feel the relief, I feel the pain.
I feel it as if they're the sun and some rain.
It's not my fault my eyes show hurt.
My best friend always observes and says I'm sad.
I swear I'm not... Am I going mad?
Maybe I'm happy, maybe I'm sad.
Is there a possibility that my eyes have truly shown
That I am so blissfully alone.

I'm trying to remember that night.
The cold lonely one, you left me with my thoughts.
Taking a break sounds simple, departure at its finest.
You'd be back after sometime, but those thoughts raged on.
On and on with such peril and harm and negativity.
You'd be back after sometime, you promised.
That sweet and fragile vow seemingly unspoken.
It's been sometime now, and I haven't forgot to keep this smile on my face.
This smile for you and everyone else.
It's been sometime now and you're not back to remind me what true happiness feels like.
An obligation deteriorated, unspoken, but now broken.
I guess those late night moon light meetings are over.
I guess that pledge to always be there is gone.
Completely unspoken
Goodbye, My Love.

Half asleep you whispered "Let's run away."
A tangle of limbs clung together under white sheets.
I studied your face, I never really paid attention to your face.
The way your eyelids flutter while you're resting or,
The way your hair crops your face perfectly.
I whisper so quietly, it's like a hushed breathe, "Together."
You were already sound asleep.

Several days later, just nearing dusk,
you pulled up in your truck and said "Let's run away."
As I got into the truck I spoke softly, "Together."
We drove and we joked about our childhood.
We drove and we opened the windows and blasted music.
We drove and let the crickets fill the silence in between.
Hours later we ended up in a field laying together on the bed of your truck.
We talked for hours that night, joking and laughing.
"We really should run away," I said. You didn't answer me for awhile,
I thought you were upset. You pulled me closer buried your face into my hair and whispered "Together."

I remember when you told me you loved me.
We were watching the sun come up from the hood of your car,
And I was in your arms, and it was wonderful.
You turned to me and whispered those three sweet syllables,
And I knew I felt it but I couldn’t get the words out.
I knew what I felt, you knew it too.

You would say it a lot after that.
It’s like it happened one time after the other in my memory.
After a while though, the muster of those words being breathed into my hair had turned.
Less frequent, less feelings.
“Why don’t you say love me,” you would ask.
I couldn’t answer honestly because I thought I did love you
Then, suddenly everything turned into a fight.
The way I would talk with my friends, the looks I gave my lab partner, the way I reacted to you..

Four months, it has been four months since those words floated gently out of your mouth.
It has been 2 months since the look on your face turned from love to disgust.
The one month has resulted in the aching of my heart, the tears that came and left too fast, too constant.
The looks of pain lashed across my face every time I see you, an overwhelming feeling of longing consumed me.

Now, looking back, I know why I couldn’t speak the words you wanted me to say so badly.
I knew it wasn’t going to last. How can I love you with all that you put me through?
You made me feel like the sun was built for me, just to make the skies go gray.
You would make the wildest flowers grow in my cracked soul just to say they’re weeds.
You would kiss me to open me up just to tear me down.
How could you ask me if I loved you, when I thought you were my sun moon, and stars?

I loved you and you knew it but you played against me while we were on the same team.
Remember that time we were doing trust falls and you promised you wouldn’t let me fall then as I closed my eyes and leaned back you whispered “alone” and we both toppled backwards?
Why am I the only one that’s falling now..
I’m starting to forget the first time you told me that you loved me, but now the only thing I can remember is the last time.

Look where this got us,
Two years back.
We never really understood,
What we always had.
Coming and going.
Back and forth.
This relationship is over.
The partnership is gone.
Where did we go wrong?
Meeting two years back...