And then it got worse
no pens would work
I couldn't escape into verse
nothing rhymed without reason
I drank and became hopeful
but there were goofballs in the soup
and my hope began to droop

A hissing hissed
and I felt I couldn't die
not ever or forever
that hell emerged slowly
gutting my army of pawns

Strangers were disappointed in me
I paid the homeless for company
and tried desperately to warm my hands
over a garbage can of dying rage

I like you sort of beat up and a little torn
“I am lying”, your safe words were sworn
This is how I think we were born

Curious, uncomfortable, and pure
For so long I was never sure
Of much beyond sickness and cure

Sunlight on a happy girl
My brother's various head injuries
A teacher that had a go at me
These things were real first

High school was a lot like a cartoon army
You got drawn into it and you followed its rules
Your face would forever be 2D, but the rest of you got free

I became a mechanical engineer
I learned credit was nothing to fear
I was cool with a beer, and a casual ear

The spectrum seemed a manic to tragic game

Being played in a cage of bright steel

And then everything was real.