When the reality of everything hits me, I fear the weight of my thoughts, my words, my actions and inaction will crush me. It's getting hard to breathe so I'll let the world disappear and just say goodnight. I'll sleep without dreams and hide from the light. When faced with oblivion, am I strong enough to fight? Can I steady my voice and stop the choas in my mind? If I can't keep the pace, will I be left behind? When I speak, it may fall on deaf ears. I only hope that those who listen will actually hear.

I'm still learning how to be human. Some days I fail horribly. Some days I feel nothing. There is a terrible emptiness that threatens to swallow me whole. The darkness is like a cancer that grows inside of me; consuming my Humanity. I see hatred, ugliness, and ignorance everywhere and I just want to watch the world burn down around me. We can start all over and build our future with the working parts of our broken existence.

I write in pencil because my words don't deserve eternity. They'll fade eventually just like me. And when we all float off into an everlasting darkness, it'll be as though we never existed. Even our ideas get twisted. Our conscious minds always rationalizing. Power and greed are tantalizing. Even the purest hearts can be swayed. Deep down we all want to get paid. Money and accolades; keep feeding my ego. Temptation follows wherever we go. Vanity will be the death of me.