I am just a hole
I am a place where you take pleasure, but I can not
It’s not your fault
I taught myself this by learning from others
You are not allowed
You are weak
You are beneath me
You know nothing
You are nothing

I told myself not to fall. I told myself not to feel. But you asked for this. I knew what this was and you told me it wasn’t. You felt something. I know that you did. So I felt this too. But you didn’t feel this for me. And I let you in. I let you close. I let you take me somewhere that I’ve never been. And you dropped me. You let my heart ache for the last time. I’ll know better in the future. I won’t let them in. I promise .

I woke up this morning and I was thirty something and I was a waitress and I was a mother whose children are being raised by their grandparents.
I woke up this morning and I was an ex ***** who was trying to put her life back together and I was a high school dropout who got her GED but never did get that nursing degree that I've always promised myself I would have.
I woke up this morning and I was living in my sister's house that she so graciously offered me a room in but even after more than a year, it's never quite felt like home.
I woke up this morning and I wondered if I'll break down at work today or if the relationship that I'm in will finally be the one, the only, the last relationship I'll ever be in.
I woke up this morning and I wondered how much time I have left and why I wasted so much of my life wishing that I was dead.
I woke up this morning and I didn't want to hurt myself or anyone else.
I woke up this morning and I made plans and set goals for the day and for the week.
I woke up this morning and I got out of bed. I went to work, I socialized, I didn't crack, I didn't cry. I was normal today.
I woke up this morning.

Am I even here at all?
This place is empty like I don't exist.
Just a whisper on your lips
Or long ago a broken kiss
Am I no longer your muse?
Just a face
In just a crowd
In a just a town
That's been burned down to ashes.
Is my heart still beating?
Do your words bare meaning?
Oh, my dear, you've been misleading.
Are you still here?
You must be leaving.
Not believing that you were once
My one and only.
Now I'm left here cold and lonely.
Am I dying?
Broken hearted.
Love's departed.
No more blooming.
Tears are looming.
Now I'm fuming.
Get out of my head!

The empty maze inside this brain catches me and I fall short
Lost again and looking for something to make the day fade into dark
Can't keep this breath inside myself and there's no one left to share it with
I'll wander lonely streets and sleep on the steps of a sanctuary
Cold and close to defeat
These wheels keep turning and running me over
Flattening any hope of salvation
There's no safe place inside myself
No amount of change can erase the past
The memories flash and burn and repeat themselves
When the apathy wears off, panic sets in all over again
Vicious and never ending
******* life from vital parts
Until I collapse under the weight of my mistakes

Contemplating
*******
******* your mind and burning my soul
Deceiving eyes
Tantalizing kisses
Embraced by pasion
Wanting nothing more
Motionless bodies
Thoughtless heartache
Mind-numbing stupidity kills us all

I am naturally unaware of what is going on around me.
I stare thoughtlessly and dream in silence.
The lines becomes shapes and the shapes become characters who dance by the light of my eyes.
A tear falls and all of the colors melt together like the wax from a dripping candle;
And my liquid world rotates around a fiery sun and crashes into the moon.