When in sad
I hide it
I stare out windows and pretend I'm in a movie
When I'm sad
My smile fades
Then pops back up to mask me
When I'm sad
Sunrise and sunsets are most beautiful
When I'm sad
I sing sad show songs in my head
When I'm sad
You could make me smile
But you don't know me well enough to see through my mask
If I'm obviously sad
Then I'm trying so you will come and cheer me up
I'm smarter than a 5th grader
When I'm sad
No one can tell
Not even you
"Ok that's Cool too"

Stop asking if I'm ok, I hate lying. Lie lie lie. Im fat, I know it. I'm stupid, I know. Stop stop stop, I want truth not acts. I'm a failure, I'll never amount to anything. Why lie, why act? I'm stupid, ugly, fat and not pretty. Help me. Help me. I need help I need a new friend not backstabbing, not forgetting, not fake and by NO WAY fake. I've had enough. Enough of you, enough of this! We've been though it. I'm not worth it. Lets get this over with and leave. You look through me until I'm all that left and even then. Stop stop stop stop stop it hurts stop stop stop its killing me inside, not helping not helping not helping. Making it worse making it worse making it worse. Stop lying, stop faking. I'll never be as skinny, as pretty, as fun, and never as wanted as they are. Stop stop stop stop. I i i i i i i. I want to leave want to leave leave want to. Help help help. Help by leaving I need to be myself. I want to stop lying I'm not I'm not.  I'll never be

At the end of the dance what do you see?
When they collapse
What do you see?
The leads
The dog
That cute girl in the third row
That way the stage right girls legs are wide open
The cute boy who's in the splits downstage left
The upstage left girl that's in a bent line
Or do you see the other side of thing
The way one girl keeps her legs together
Because she modest
The nice looking boy who's in a legs are in straight line
Because he brother was *****
Do you see the girl who put makeup on her arms
To cover her scars
Or do you see what I see?
The boy in the front
Yeah, you know who I'm talking about
The popular one
He's the one with the perfect life
Put in the front row
He huddles
Into a little ball at the end
Fetal Position
Because he's scared
Scared that someone knows
Know what he covers
His skin, his emotions
Only one can recognize one of their own kind,

The names not one
That just rolls off the tongue
Not Patrick, not Nathan
It doesn't' roll
But come from within
When you say his name
You say it from the bottom of your heart
With meaning and purpose
Not a go-to name
But one from one the heart
One that you reserve for only the specialist of thing
A name you don't say lightly,
But say with a reason

They asked me my name
Hi I'm Jessica
They asked me to describe myself
I'm happy and I trust easily
I met a boy
He was nice, and funny
He had a crush
I was it
Gave him my trust
I thought we'd be bestest friends forever
But then he met someone else
She asked me my name
Hi I'm Jessica
She asked me to describe myself
I'm happy and I have amazing friends
He put me on the back shelf
I was forgotten
He lost my trust
He couldn't find it
He didn't want to find it
I was left out
Replaced by someone
She was beautiful
She was skinner
She was better at everything
Everything I thought I was
Everything I could do,
She could do it better
I looked up to her
I tried to be like her
She introduced me to here friends
They asked me my name
Hi I'm Jessica
They asked me to describe myself
I'm forgotten and I want to be like you
A while passed
This went on and on
He said we were still best friends
But he didn't act like one
I couldn't take it
They ask me my name
Hi I'm Jessica
They say describe yourself
I'm depressed and Waiting

I was told that
           I was too nice
That
          With a Heart like Mine
                     It would be shattered too easily
                                                          ­                                       In a world so cruel
                                                        Wou­ldn't people appreciate kindness more often?
                                             The Sass was Uncovered
Still nicer than most
There was sass
And at a Competition
There was a girl with                           Sass                      and                 Arrogance
She champed in her event
So we gossiped about how obnoxious she was





Then it was said
                                            WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NICE FOR ONCE
          WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BRING OTHER PEOPLE DOWN
  WHY CANT YOU JUST BE HAPPY FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S HAPPINESS
                                                       ­                                                                ...
                                                             ­                                              i'm sorry,
                                    i'm just trying to be more positive and your'r not helping me



but the words were still said


                                               am i ever helping anyone?
                                            how can i if i can't please them



Naturally Average, but even with practice can't ever be good enough/

That moment
When all is black
All around you
Enveloped by darkness
Sealed with a kiss a mystery
You stand
And wonder
Will they like me
What will they think
The cell phones In the crowd cast long shadows
People texting, calling, and not looking
Not looking at me
Is that good or bad?
We stand and wait
We inhale the thick air
Filled with nervous whispers
The prelude drones on
We stretch and warmup
Then the time comes,
Our cue
Then it's over
And all I got, was one wink
A wink, from the cute boy backstage
One wink
And he bows

It comes and goes
You never know
It has its phases
One big maze
I can never get out
Confusion
There's one way
One way to find the end
A quick way I know
But that's cheating
Sometime I wonder,
Who would miss me
Would anyone?
Would I be remembered?
Then I remember you
And I hope
I hope with all of me left
That you would
You would remember me
Miss me
Remember me

Sometimes your caught
Just trapped
In a maze
One bigger then the Grand's
Can't find your way out
They tell you too turn around
But it's not that easy
You stare at the wall
And think
Why can't I just turn around
Just turn
You start with your feet
To lead
Then you body goes
Then you head
And lastly your eyes
But you left your mind at that wall
With your sense
And direction
So you wander
In circles
In squares
You hit all the same angles
Until
You are beat up
Until
You are nothing but dust
Walking dead
Until
You are

Was it a twitch?
Or a wink?
We're you sharing a secret?
With me?
One you'd never tell anyone else?